What Forever Means
It wasn't that long ago
we were saying our good byes
but I never got to say thank you
for all the things that you taught me
most importantly what forever means
at least when it came to me and you
It means until you're tired
and don't want to play anymore
or until I'm useless
and you've got all your kicks
Was it forever until you're quit
or forever until you're bored
So tell me the truth
did you ever really care?
Did you love that boy you held?
Did you just use him like the others?
And toss him when he was spent?
Now in the end I know
that it's all for the best
We're both much happier
and moving on with our lives
but still the questions linger
like a shadow cast long before
for the life of me I'll never understand
how forever can be so brief
just until you're hurting
just until it's not easy anymore
or until someone better comes along
Is it forever until I'm broke
or forever until you let it die?
But tell me the truth
did any of it matter to you?
Or was it just another cheap thrill?
Was everything you said a lie?
Just like happily ever after and forever.
It wasn't that long ago
we were saying our good byes
but I never got to say thank you
for all the things that you taught me
most importantly what forever means
at least when it came to me and you
It means until you're tired
and don't want to play anymore
or until I'm useless
and you've got all your kicks
Was it forever until you're quit
or forever until you're bored
So tell me the truth
did you ever really care?
Did you love that boy you held?
Did you just use him like the others?
And toss him when he was spent?
Now in the end I know
that it's all for the best
We're both much happier
and moving on with our lives
but still the questions linger
like a shadow cast long before
for the life of me I'll never understand
how forever can be so brief
just until you're hurting
just until it's not easy anymore
or until someone better comes along
Is it forever until I'm broke
or forever until you let it die?
But tell me the truth
did any of it matter to you?
Or was it just another cheap thrill?
Was everything you said a lie?
Just like happily ever after and forever.
Comfortably Numb ??
I can't feel it anymore
You've broken me
You don't even know it
I can't take it anymore
Show you wear it hurts?
There is no pain I am receding
If I show you all will change
this inner turmoil
This awful rage
Step away from me
Yet don't leave
I'm going to cry
I'm tortured at this moment
But I hate myself for it
I act like a child
You can't understand
This is not how I am
Stop being so perfect
Don't be so lovely
Or
Love me in return
I can't feel it anymore
You've broken me
You don't even know it
I can't take it anymore
Show you wear it hurts?
There is no pain I am receding
If I show you all will change
this inner turmoil
This awful rage
Step away from me
Yet don't leave
I'm going to cry
I'm tortured at this moment
But I hate myself for it
I act like a child
You can't understand
This is not how I am
Stop being so perfect
Don't be so lovely
Or
Love me in return
My Pain
Carried away for life
Help me live
For i cant hang on much longer
It wont be long
Help me please
My life has become shorten
My days have become darkened
My soul has become depressed
the life i want to live
isn't at all like this one
help my body
For i have fallen to the ground
No one will help me ..Why?
my soul can't be permanently changed
My pain is inevitable
Your pain is Optional
Carried away for life
Help me live
For i cant hang on much longer
It wont be long
Help me please
My life has become shorten
My days have become darkened
My soul has become depressed
the life i want to live
isn't at all like this one
help my body
For i have fallen to the ground
No one will help me ..Why?
my soul can't be permanently changed
My pain is inevitable
Your pain is Optional
The Lost
How are you? How do you feel?
Words spoken still and you are thrilled?
You look at me with filth in your eyes,
Look at you, look at me how are we?
Leave me alone, go away you sick fuck.
How dare you treat me like shit?
What am I, am I you?
You tell me, you ask how and why.
Look me in the eye and what do you see?
You see me, am I you?
What's that I see in your face?
A frown, a tear, and a fake smile,
Is it you or is it me?
I'm going insane, corrosion in my brain.
Let my eyes burn, you hurt my feelings.
What are you? What are we?
This is so great, look at me look at me?
Am I you? Is it you?
Scream, run, and hide its me, its me.
Are we done yet? Damn what the fuck
I sit here alone, why did you hit me in my head?
Is it you? Or is it me?
Laugh all you want, leave me be.
Look, blood in my face damn you broke my nose.
What the fuck, get back here,
I hear you scream, what did you do?
Is it me or is it you?
What's that on your chest? It's a fucking knife,
That's funny, how are you? How do you feel?
Are you dead yet? Are you me or am I you?
How are you? How do you feel?
Words spoken still and you are thrilled?
You look at me with filth in your eyes,
Look at you, look at me how are we?
Leave me alone, go away you sick fuck.
How dare you treat me like shit?
What am I, am I you?
You tell me, you ask how and why.
Look me in the eye and what do you see?
You see me, am I you?
What's that I see in your face?
A frown, a tear, and a fake smile,
Is it you or is it me?
I'm going insane, corrosion in my brain.
Let my eyes burn, you hurt my feelings.
What are you? What are we?
This is so great, look at me look at me?
Am I you? Is it you?
Scream, run, and hide its me, its me.
Are we done yet? Damn what the fuck
I sit here alone, why did you hit me in my head?
Is it you? Or is it me?
Laugh all you want, leave me be.
Look, blood in my face damn you broke my nose.
What the fuck, get back here,
I hear you scream, what did you do?
Is it me or is it you?
What's that on your chest? It's a fucking knife,
That's funny, how are you? How do you feel?
Are you dead yet? Are you me or am I you?
Lover's Pose
We came into life this way
bare to the world
our legs neatly folded
arching up toward our chest
with our back slumped
as if to greet our knees
but never quite touching.
We then grow older
we learn to walk
and talk
but every night
we return there to sleep
slipping into the dream world
with the same pose
we came into this one.
The years go by
and we grow up
but nothing changes
save the addition of another
the other half of our soul
the one who was already there
at least in our hearts
for those first precious moments.
There we lie; fitting shape and form
slipping back into the world we knew
we only knew
as children.
Nature was kind enough
to bring me into the world this way.
Now, with arms entangled
and bodies close
I dare to ask nature
to be kind enough to please
please
let me die this way.
We came into life this way
bare to the world
our legs neatly folded
arching up toward our chest
with our back slumped
as if to greet our knees
but never quite touching.
We then grow older
we learn to walk
and talk
but every night
we return there to sleep
slipping into the dream world
with the same pose
we came into this one.
The years go by
and we grow up
but nothing changes
save the addition of another
the other half of our soul
the one who was already there
at least in our hearts
for those first precious moments.
There we lie; fitting shape and form
slipping back into the world we knew
we only knew
as children.
Nature was kind enough
to bring me into the world this way.
Now, with arms entangled
and bodies close
I dare to ask nature
to be kind enough to please
please
let me die this way.
Emotional Rain
Just imagine the stars
How bright they must be tonight
magnified be the teardrops
brought forth by all our pain
It's amazing how cruel life can be
how heavy her hand can feel
All we want to do is smile
but yet the teardrops fall like rain
There is no time for holding these days
nor a second for a simple kiss
just the time to stare at the moon
while crying out in vain
All we need is each other
to make it all go away
like an emotional drug
that takes away the pain
It's just so hard to keep an open heart
when the world is out to harm you
But without your gentle words
it's a struggle to stay sane
So as I roam the darkness
I'll be calling out your name
Haunting all of our demons
until they've all be slain
Just imagine the stars
How bright they must be tonight
magnified be the teardrops
brought forth by all our pain
It's amazing how cruel life can be
how heavy her hand can feel
All we want to do is smile
but yet the teardrops fall like rain
There is no time for holding these days
nor a second for a simple kiss
just the time to stare at the moon
while crying out in vain
All we need is each other
to make it all go away
like an emotional drug
that takes away the pain
It's just so hard to keep an open heart
when the world is out to harm you
But without your gentle words
it's a struggle to stay sane
So as I roam the darkness
I'll be calling out your name
Haunting all of our demons
until they've all be slain
Every Night
Every night I lay there
alone in the darkness
etching into the wall
some magical symbol
ripped from ancient lore
It's a spell of love
and a cruse of fate
Because it's fate my love
that made this bed cold
and my arms so empty
the hands that trace this symbol
into this wall shrouded in the darkness
should be strumming your hair
and pulling you tight
but not tonight my dear
nor the next so it seems
Because the spell I cast
upon this damnable wall
will not see light of day
until another night
another night like this
in which I can hold you close
and whisper softly to you
the words that I want to say
and the words that you want to hear
Every night I lay there
alone in the darkness
etching into the wall
some magical symbol
ripped from ancient lore
It's a spell of love
and a cruse of fate
Because it's fate my love
that made this bed cold
and my arms so empty
the hands that trace this symbol
into this wall shrouded in the darkness
should be strumming your hair
and pulling you tight
but not tonight my dear
nor the next so it seems
Because the spell I cast
upon this damnable wall
will not see light of day
until another night
another night like this
in which I can hold you close
and whisper softly to you
the words that I want to say
and the words that you want to hear
A Mother's Gift To Her Children
The wind sweeps across the freshly cut grass that blankets the park across the way.
Off to the South the storm clouds roll in, slowly and methodically, transforming the sky from blue to shades
of Grey. It seems almost unearthly being able to see the different weathers mold and mesh themselves
together in an ever changing sky. Out here, in the peace and serenity of a small town, you can watch in awe some of the true wonders that nature has to offer. It's not like that of big city living where everything passes by with intensity and fervor. You are deaf and blind to what really takes place around you. No heaps and mounds of concrete and asphalt to skew the glory, no overwhelming masses of blinding lights overshadowing the clear night skies. No, not here.....here is where nature is the main attraction, showing all of Her splendid bliss. As I sit, listening to the wind, the sound are overwhelming. Hearing the trees sway, fallen leaves rustling across the the road and an occasional acorn fall, creating a small popping sound as it impacts the shingles of the porch roof.It's amazing just how much you miss when you are surround yourself with the hustle and bustle of city life. A deep inhalation, and the fresh scent of rain in the air fills my head. It's almost here now, and a faint rumble of thunder catches my ears and my attention. It's invigorating, every sense tingling with excitement. Ah! yes....but I lied! there is one sense that is left alone, that one sense that I have so patiently been awaiting and aching to excite....TOUCH!!! The one thing that would perfect and make this moment last forever. The feel of you by my side as I sit here on the swing. Your hand entwined with mine as the rain begins to pour down upon the fragile earth in view. This is how Nature intended Her displays of beauty to be observed, as a shared moment between two souls. Her splendor, acting as a catalyst, securing a feeling of comfort and happiness between those souls. Her sights, Her sounds, Her scents and every emotion that encompasses these truly wondrous works are there for the taking. She gives them out freely to those coupled souls who can allow these precious gifts to heighten their passions and stimulate their love. But Alas! I still sit alone, dreaming of the time when you will be here with me, allowing us to grab a hold of all these extraordinary emotions Mother Nature has so neatly packaged for those who care to take advantage of them. I could ask for nothing greater than this, if only to have one small fleeting moment with you, like this, would be more than this battered and beaten heart could ever hope for. A defining and everlasting picture painted in my minds' eye, so that every time I sit and watch Nature in Her glory, I can reflect and remember and feel that small moment of wholeness, completion and companionship that would be forever embedded with me.
The wind sweeps across the freshly cut grass that blankets the park across the way.
Off to the South the storm clouds roll in, slowly and methodically, transforming the sky from blue to shades
of Grey. It seems almost unearthly being able to see the different weathers mold and mesh themselves
together in an ever changing sky. Out here, in the peace and serenity of a small town, you can watch in awe some of the true wonders that nature has to offer. It's not like that of big city living where everything passes by with intensity and fervor. You are deaf and blind to what really takes place around you. No heaps and mounds of concrete and asphalt to skew the glory, no overwhelming masses of blinding lights overshadowing the clear night skies. No, not here.....here is where nature is the main attraction, showing all of Her splendid bliss. As I sit, listening to the wind, the sound are overwhelming. Hearing the trees sway, fallen leaves rustling across the the road and an occasional acorn fall, creating a small popping sound as it impacts the shingles of the porch roof.It's amazing just how much you miss when you are surround yourself with the hustle and bustle of city life. A deep inhalation, and the fresh scent of rain in the air fills my head. It's almost here now, and a faint rumble of thunder catches my ears and my attention. It's invigorating, every sense tingling with excitement. Ah! yes....but I lied! there is one sense that is left alone, that one sense that I have so patiently been awaiting and aching to excite....TOUCH!!! The one thing that would perfect and make this moment last forever. The feel of you by my side as I sit here on the swing. Your hand entwined with mine as the rain begins to pour down upon the fragile earth in view. This is how Nature intended Her displays of beauty to be observed, as a shared moment between two souls. Her splendor, acting as a catalyst, securing a feeling of comfort and happiness between those souls. Her sights, Her sounds, Her scents and every emotion that encompasses these truly wondrous works are there for the taking. She gives them out freely to those coupled souls who can allow these precious gifts to heighten their passions and stimulate their love. But Alas! I still sit alone, dreaming of the time when you will be here with me, allowing us to grab a hold of all these extraordinary emotions Mother Nature has so neatly packaged for those who care to take advantage of them. I could ask for nothing greater than this, if only to have one small fleeting moment with you, like this, would be more than this battered and beaten heart could ever hope for. A defining and everlasting picture painted in my minds' eye, so that every time I sit and watch Nature in Her glory, I can reflect and remember and feel that small moment of wholeness, completion and companionship that would be forever embedded with me.
I'm back.....Moved in to the new place and set up with my internet...FINALLY.......anywho i'm back online and making progress with the unpacking
"hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned." well if my week continues to get any worse i might just come close to rivaling that......if spending two days in the hospital getting tested for unknown chest pain and missing two days of work the same week i'm moving wasn't bad enough....one person supposedly helping me move has bailed, one has broken their hand and my stinking ass paycheck hasn't cleared the bank leaving me oh....a few hundred dollars short of my move in costs...with no time to get a certified check or sign my lease if it doesn't clear by 10am friday morning....and that's just the non-work part of it all....there is a ton more going wrong with my two different job sites.....welll i've vented enough....smile!!!! lol 
