the days...

So each day I dive along this same street
And I wonder if there is even a single thought out there
Years have past and I jus remember the times
Could things have been different?
I guess we will never know
Things have been weird lately
You think you are at a place in your life
But the past sometimes jus comes back into your thoughts
And I think about who I was
And what my feelings were
They were something I took to lightly
And only now I fully understand what they really were
If only I had the wisdom and knowledge I have now back then
Think of how many things in the world would be different
The stars would shine different
And less rain drops would have fallen from my eyes
I only can think of what I can do for my life now
And really
I don't even know what is to come upon me
Life in the past has gone
And only what is happening is the most important
Guidance is key
And I am the only one who can do that

what do i do now?

there has always been one thing in my life thats been a constant
but now at an abrupt moment it ends for a time i do not konw
i think back on these times i have had
and i know i show lack of compassion and dedication
deep inside i know how i feel
the love
the pain
its all the same feeling
and a stop sign fell from the sky and landed in my icy world
i am clueless on what to do from here
broken and helpless
bitter with anger
i so long to replay that exact moment
each second i breath
i wonder and think
what to do now
i feel robbed and left with nothing
so early before the first leaf has fallen from a tree
of the season
no mircles today
with karma crawling up my spine
it caught up to me
stopped me from what i beleived in
what i strived for

now what i do have?

something from the past

so odd to have a life i once left behind
find its way back a weekend
i dont mind it
ive grown up so much more than what i was 3 years ago
but still the thought of unsaid words
and old emotions that have been deep inside
they want to come out
i still can not say my words out loud when they should be spoken
but i freeze in the air and words are lost
if i cant say it straight up
this is the only way i can
to clear my mind
and let things go
there has always been somewhat of an ancohor holding me down
slowing me down from moving forward with my life
and now maybe
i can raise it out of the water
and countinue my jounrey
thanks for this opportunity

insomniotic

Make nothing less of a chance to live a life
But to make regrets behind oneself to strive for
Fake nothing and make things happen
To only living exist once
That a person can remember
Kill me now
So I can start fresh
This sorrowed life is dismal and dispensed
Depleted and irritating
I really should blame myself
I get myself into these situation
Setting up for failure
I've failed before I have even started
And thoughts disappear from my vision
I lay here
In the dark
Depleting myself
Draining what is left of this emptied souled being
Deep breaths of iced air run down my forgotten ink
And I fall into a sleep

sky

if only the world knew how many times ive felt
the tragedy of life that longs for ones self
and i listen to the sounds of simple melodies
that music has become a part of my daily life

sky

i wrote this a while ago. for my hockey team
thought i would put it on hear
warriors

warriors
fight to the end, to death
stand tall and straight
raise our swords high towards the stars
and salute the many people we represent
the many we go into battle for
we trained our bodies to withstand the fullest
torn muscles, cut arms and cracked shoulders
our blood, our sweat
our tears
we stand next to each other one last time
side by side
brother by brother
but our dynasty, our era has come to an end
and we, the few
will continue what our older brothers have accomplished
take the thrown of this desolate ice formation
and build an empire larger than any other
they will not be forgotten
remembered as leaders
who I have grown so attached too for two years
role-models
and friends
I will gladly hand them my weapon in the future
when in need
serve them like they have served me
we may have not come out on top for the gold
but together our hearts have
in unity
together we battled
and together we roared

I see myself in a odd wold
watch scary, horror, suspense movies
sickening, disgusting
disturbing to the normal eye
people getting hacked up
mutilated, tortured and raped
movies with chopped up limbs in freezers
internal organs torn out and eaten
eyes ripped out of heads
while they were still alive and kicking
they scream out their lungs in pain
the scarred look and fear in their one eye
plead for their lives asking why they deserve to die
pathetic look before they are slaughtered
disturbing right?
how people even come up with these sick twisted ideas
im not really sure but its out there
and to me
they are not so creepy
I've dreamed these acts of life
many times I've been attacked
tortured
that right now as I sit in this chair in the dark
with my back turned toward the room
one person can take a razor wire
wrap it around my neck and bleed to a death
roommates come back
they find me decaying body flopped over in my chair
and all the times they make the most sense to me
and in the end
death is really nothing
its jus the way things happen



golden

through the fog of loneliness
each step i walked above water
i would loose my count in the never ending
and could not see what was ahead of me
lookin over the railing
the rapids of water splashed
what a ways down that would be
if i stood up and jumped
i saw the birds gliding through the wind
they looked free
made me wish i would have that feeling for a change
feet blistered, sore
it was almost a never ending trail
into different world of one city..
i saw what was life
and got a taste of what it would be

meteors

as i lay alone
under the stars
the flashes of light
pass my dark shadow
my body pressed against
the cold hard wood
with a comfortable chill
trickle down my back
silence is all i hear
with the occasional rabbit scurrying around
in the near by bushes
my eyes glued to the night sky
as if i been watching lighting from a distant planet
eyes become heavy and catch myself
and then streaks of light caught my sadated stare into nothing
out there
up there
it is like a puzzle that needs to be put together
the stars
would talk to me
and i could learn so much more about myself
by the stories that gazz upon me
hands interlocked with eachother across my stomach
as if i were laying in my tomb or forever rest in peace
i lay there lifeless
like a rock
motionless
but i only wonder
with no one by my side to share such a moment of nature
breathless
isolated from reality
and only a moment of my own
and jus maybe
jus maybe ill be happy for such a time
but such a time exist only in dreams
and for once i felt like i was in one
as i watch the 100s of meteors leave me like everything else in my life