Well, I am going to cancel my account in February. I feel that I was starting to view the girls as sexual objects, as there was no friendship or mental connection there, and that's not what this site should be about. And I couldn't find anyone to go to Philharmonic concerts with me, either :*( Good luck to all, especially the political rebels here.

This is one of my cats, Cooper. He's lounging on our couch. He is a very expressive cat. He can make faces. I got this little wolf from Defenders of Wildlife, and when you press it's stomach it howls. My cats freak out, and I find this totally amazing. Cooper gets this actual worried look on his face, his eyes get all wide and scared. Even though my cats have probably never seen or heard a wolf, they still have this fear embedded in them in a genetic sense. Amazing!

My friend was telling me how a bunch of her boy friends are coming on to her, and it made me wonder why more girls don't do that to guys. My other friend said that women's inhibitions don't allow them to give into their urges like that until there is a certain level of comfort and trust. Also, why aren't more women out at clubs? Girls get in free all the time because there are guys out there in droves. There must be a huge population of girls who just sit at home or something. I don't get it.

I spent 2 days in vegas having a blast, telling my roommate not to waste her time chasing her boyfriend who was acting like a baby. He's such a Radiohead fan party ruiner. I won a boatload on roulette and bj and just made some massive credit card payments. That felt sooo good! Then I got into my grey goose and all was lost-I was such a meloncholy sad drunk, sometimes happy, but mostly longing for my friend. So I spoke with my friend tonight, and even though it's just been a week, it feels like it's been months. I miss hanging out with her so much-my current friends just don't do it for me. I can't decide if I even want to see her-it would just be hard, wanting to feel a certain way but knowing I couldn't. I feel like I could fall in love so easily-it would bring me to tears to feel that way. That moment-it must be so pure! Knowing that quite possibly this is a girl you could die for. But then that's the high point-where do you go from there? What next?

So I got back from Hawaii, what a blast it was. I loved the warm water and the surfing. But even more I loved spending time with my friend. She was very surprised to hear how much I cared about her even though it had been 10 months since I had seen her last. I am so focused on music and so introspective with my passion that it amazes even me when I find that I can care this much about someone I know so little about. She had become my muse, archetype and dreamgirl. But we had so much fun in hawaii, and I just wanted to be all over her, kissing and hugging, being sensual, but she says she loves someone else. We live far apart, and the logical thing to do is to just be friends, but my emotions tell me something so different. I love caring about her and having feelings for her, it feels so good, but it just wouldn't work, we both know that. Every time I talk to her it hurts, I just want to be with her so bad. What do I do?

How sure are you of your direction in life? When is the last time you felt insecure? I feel very proud that I have the ability to rise above the bullshit and believe in things. I can sit in a field and be completely sure of my life. At this point, in terms of modern society, I am a nobody, like most everyone is. But that doesn't matter to me at all. In death we are equal. Doesn't matter if you're Picasso or Piscopo, you just have to believe in yourself and who you are in life. I firmly believe that the most important things in life are birth and death. These are the two great moments that define us, and they give value to all that happen in between. I think it's much more important to improve yourself throughout life, because in the end, on your deathbed, you're going to be all alone with your thoughts, reflecting. That art or movie or business or house you made isn't going to matter much at all, save for the experience that molded you. So in the end-the very end-we are left with ourselves. Wondering, thinking, asking. Waiting to be taken to that next level. Or is there a level at all? I want to know what you think.

I'M GOING TO HAWAII SOON, I AM GOING TO SNORKEL AT HANAUMA BAY AND EAT MACADAMIA NUT PANCAKES WITH COCONUT SYRUP AND MACADAMIA NUT PIE AND LONGBOARD IN WAIKIKI AND SURF AT SANDYS AND MAKAPUU AND WATCH THE TRIPLE CROWN CONTESTS ON THE NORTH SHORE AND HAVE A FUCKING-A GREAT TIME! WISH ME LUCK!

It's funny, with all the pretty girls on this site, more and more I just desire someone to blow me away with her soul. I think I'm going to end up 40 years old at a point where I completely discount what a girl looks like. I'm going to be hanging out in clubs, getting smashed while my friends enjoy themselves, and I'm going to be begging for some girl to come up to me and start an abstract conversation. A way of communicating that is subtle and powerful, yet is NOT based on manipulation. Playful. Where I say "Let's fucking talk, then. Let's go." A girl who I can simply look at and she'll realize that I'm not blowing her off, and this isn't a game. A look that says "You don't even know what you're getting into, but if you want some, I'll give you all that you can handle." I want that moment where I give everything to someone, where she throws me on the ground, grabs my hair and looks into my eyes until I realize that she's for real. There's so much bullshit in this world-would a moment like that be out of a movie? Would it be a cliche? Would it be a dream?

I am the most misunderstood person in the world! I can say something that is totally innocuous to me yet you might be horribly insulted. I don't know why this is. I also feel glad that I am an individual. This world is so interconnected that we are losing our individuality, and we become hostile to those who try to take it away. What do you think? Tell me your thoughts. I care about them.

I was adrift in a dream
Lost in delicious bliss
Your tears on my cheek caused a refrain
I awoke and saw it was only the rain

I fantasize more about falling in love than sex. I fantasize about knowing a girl as a friend, and both going through separate relationships, and slowly realizing that we are meant to be together. I dream of us being so comfortable with eachother that all it takes is a realization. All it takes is an opening of the eyes, an opening of the heart. I imagine us looking at eachother and just knowing that this is what is meant to be. I wouldn't be sure about the future, but all that I know is that I would want the now, this moment now. That first kiss. I wonder what happens to your body in a physical sense? Why do you get short of breath, your stomach aches for them, why do you get drunk on their love, their words and touch? Who knows. I'm such an emotion whore. All I know is that I would want to fall in love all the time, forever.