so, my new life in vegas will really start to take shape when i get a job this week. i have four interviews, but id very much like to work at bobby flay's mesa grille. it pays the best, and has the hippest menu. i feel like sharing a few stories with you about life, and how it comes full-circle. its bizarre. anyhow, if youre not into reading that type of shit, you can stop now.
anyhow, i graduated from college in 1994 with a bachelors degree in creative writing and german studies. i minored in spanish and anthropology. i wanted to be a teacher. i wrote three screenplays and two novellas in college, but burned them all one night in a depressed, nihlistic fit. it was a poor decision. im writing another screenplay right now, and i find myself able to access those memories, and even some of the words, but it would be very nice to have the hard copies.
i spent a year abroad in germany in 1989, and witnessed the falling of the wall, and the ensuing cultural warming between previously communist countires and western europe. it was such an incredibly powerful experience for anybody who understands and sees the world throught the eyes of culture, which can be very difficult in the modern, fast-paced, disposable world. europe was a blast. one day i hope to find a long-term spanish, italian or greek girlfriend. maybe wife. who knows?
after college i spent a year in alaska, working in fish canneries and living the life of a tent-bound gypsy. it was liberating. these were the drug years, en fuego. i taught myself how to play guitar, and met a lot of cool people. alaskas pristine beauty is remarkable, as are the cascade mountains in washington, where i returned. i lived in seattle for a year, and almost got a job as a cultural editor with a seattle arts quarterly magazine. i worked at a bakery for eight months, and found seattle to be a hip, cosmopolitan city. even though i only found one true friend there, i will probably go back someday.
then i returned to albuquerque in late 1997. ten years ago, wow. i met the girl i thought i would spend the rest of my life with, but it lasted until 2002. i wont bore you with the details. during this period i pursued my teaching career, which i hated. when the ex and i broke up i decided to change careers, too. i spent two to three years toiling and hustling in poorly-run and unorganized kitchens, because cooking has always been one of my foremost passions. these were very difficult years. i was broken-hearted, poor, starting a new career and single. everytime i found a woman she seemed to be married. i began to ask women when i first met them if they were married, not the best way to get a date. i discovered looking for tan lines on ring fingers is really not one of my favorite things to do.
in 2005 i got a job at an albuquerque news station, and after a year-and-a-half of promotions, found myself on the precipice of another full-time job which might allow me to utilize my english degree and writing skills. it didnt pan out, and i decided at that point that i could make money on the side via reading and writing, but a full-time career might not materialize. i was upset at my boss's boss for firing me for a mistake he made. he went on a list of people which include my ex-girlfriend and a one-time best friend. it is a list of people for whom i have sacrficed a lot and worked very hard, only to be dismissed and rejected in the end. its not necessarily a very long list, but the sooner in life you can figure out how to stop putting people on this list, the better off youll be. i feel very fortunate that none of my blood relatives have ended up on this list. people who find themselves in such situations have drawn truly difficult fates.
so, since poker had been my go-to career since 1992 whenever i was having financial issues, i decided to move to vegas and try it out. for me, poker is like that ex-girlfriend you always seem to keep in touch with, and when both of you are single, you hook up again. i tried a full-blown relationship with her, and we had some success and some failures. we decided to give it some time, and hopefully we will have a beautiful thing soon. you havent seen me on tv yet, but if i can find a steady income in a healthy kitchen, and enough time off to play, i guarantee you will within the next five years. i am one of the best poker players on the face of the planet.
while it might look like a wandering road to most, it makes eerie sense to me. its probably just how life works. after having sustained periods of deep depression and intense darkness, here i am, still with a lot of fight, and somehow more optimistic than ever. im nearly alone, in one of the toughest cities around, yet i feel like a seasoned veteran. im waiting patiently and quietly for my opportunities, which im busting my butt to realize. i do have my family's support, even financially now, which has helped quite a bit. it is a blessing. im not going to gloss over it, or try and pretend its not key. while i dont relish being in debt to anyone, my mother included, it was the only way i could go to culinary school. neither of my parents seem to mind, as they didnt have to pay a cent for college the first time around. i was dealt a royal flush when it comes to my family.
hopefully reading this will help anyone who might feel like they are stuck in a rut, or losing years to drugs and alcohol because they are unhappy or incomplete on the inside. stick to your guns, be true to yourself, and keep the aforementioned list of assholes and abusive people in your life to a minimum. i know its common sense, but for me, its rarely common and not always sensible. i salute all of your who are living what other people might call 'alternative lifestyles', and making them work. youre only young once, and that doesnt mean youll grow up and know better later. it means the sooner you can find your true talents and passions, the longer you have to enjoy them. peace.
teddy 'kgb'
anyhow, i graduated from college in 1994 with a bachelors degree in creative writing and german studies. i minored in spanish and anthropology. i wanted to be a teacher. i wrote three screenplays and two novellas in college, but burned them all one night in a depressed, nihlistic fit. it was a poor decision. im writing another screenplay right now, and i find myself able to access those memories, and even some of the words, but it would be very nice to have the hard copies.
i spent a year abroad in germany in 1989, and witnessed the falling of the wall, and the ensuing cultural warming between previously communist countires and western europe. it was such an incredibly powerful experience for anybody who understands and sees the world throught the eyes of culture, which can be very difficult in the modern, fast-paced, disposable world. europe was a blast. one day i hope to find a long-term spanish, italian or greek girlfriend. maybe wife. who knows?
after college i spent a year in alaska, working in fish canneries and living the life of a tent-bound gypsy. it was liberating. these were the drug years, en fuego. i taught myself how to play guitar, and met a lot of cool people. alaskas pristine beauty is remarkable, as are the cascade mountains in washington, where i returned. i lived in seattle for a year, and almost got a job as a cultural editor with a seattle arts quarterly magazine. i worked at a bakery for eight months, and found seattle to be a hip, cosmopolitan city. even though i only found one true friend there, i will probably go back someday.
then i returned to albuquerque in late 1997. ten years ago, wow. i met the girl i thought i would spend the rest of my life with, but it lasted until 2002. i wont bore you with the details. during this period i pursued my teaching career, which i hated. when the ex and i broke up i decided to change careers, too. i spent two to three years toiling and hustling in poorly-run and unorganized kitchens, because cooking has always been one of my foremost passions. these were very difficult years. i was broken-hearted, poor, starting a new career and single. everytime i found a woman she seemed to be married. i began to ask women when i first met them if they were married, not the best way to get a date. i discovered looking for tan lines on ring fingers is really not one of my favorite things to do.
in 2005 i got a job at an albuquerque news station, and after a year-and-a-half of promotions, found myself on the precipice of another full-time job which might allow me to utilize my english degree and writing skills. it didnt pan out, and i decided at that point that i could make money on the side via reading and writing, but a full-time career might not materialize. i was upset at my boss's boss for firing me for a mistake he made. he went on a list of people which include my ex-girlfriend and a one-time best friend. it is a list of people for whom i have sacrficed a lot and worked very hard, only to be dismissed and rejected in the end. its not necessarily a very long list, but the sooner in life you can figure out how to stop putting people on this list, the better off youll be. i feel very fortunate that none of my blood relatives have ended up on this list. people who find themselves in such situations have drawn truly difficult fates.
so, since poker had been my go-to career since 1992 whenever i was having financial issues, i decided to move to vegas and try it out. for me, poker is like that ex-girlfriend you always seem to keep in touch with, and when both of you are single, you hook up again. i tried a full-blown relationship with her, and we had some success and some failures. we decided to give it some time, and hopefully we will have a beautiful thing soon. you havent seen me on tv yet, but if i can find a steady income in a healthy kitchen, and enough time off to play, i guarantee you will within the next five years. i am one of the best poker players on the face of the planet.
while it might look like a wandering road to most, it makes eerie sense to me. its probably just how life works. after having sustained periods of deep depression and intense darkness, here i am, still with a lot of fight, and somehow more optimistic than ever. im nearly alone, in one of the toughest cities around, yet i feel like a seasoned veteran. im waiting patiently and quietly for my opportunities, which im busting my butt to realize. i do have my family's support, even financially now, which has helped quite a bit. it is a blessing. im not going to gloss over it, or try and pretend its not key. while i dont relish being in debt to anyone, my mother included, it was the only way i could go to culinary school. neither of my parents seem to mind, as they didnt have to pay a cent for college the first time around. i was dealt a royal flush when it comes to my family.
hopefully reading this will help anyone who might feel like they are stuck in a rut, or losing years to drugs and alcohol because they are unhappy or incomplete on the inside. stick to your guns, be true to yourself, and keep the aforementioned list of assholes and abusive people in your life to a minimum. i know its common sense, but for me, its rarely common and not always sensible. i salute all of your who are living what other people might call 'alternative lifestyles', and making them work. youre only young once, and that doesnt mean youll grow up and know better later. it means the sooner you can find your true talents and passions, the longer you have to enjoy them. peace.
teddy 'kgb'
