so today was at first such a great day but my grandmother has been sick and now shes going to the hospital. it broke my fuckin heart i should just be happy she went but thats how i know just how awful she was feeling. i spend more time with her than anyone else unless you count video chat which i do. i really dont know how i wouldve gotten through this without my best friend and love and heart and future husband andrew. he makes me feel so loved.

im just having such a hard time. its like i just wanna be alone. but then when im alone i just zone out watching guilty pleasure abc family shows that make me forget how awful and low i feel. just so everyone knows chocolate pudding fixes everything. i just wish id bought chocolate ice cream. and anything chocolate.