fall is here and it feels right. it is perfect and i would be eternally happy if it stayed. or maybe i would get used to it and not be as happy year after year... (like overstimulation of a drug on a receptor! *laughs maniacally and shoots self*)

quiz tomorrow, 3 tests next week, no time to breathe. but i have to do it. not for myself, but for others. i dont want to accidentally hurt someone. i shadowed a pharmacist at the hospital who was doing rounds with doctors and i realized I KNOW NOTHING. it's very humbling.

i have now left the life where i knew nothing about drugs. i am now entering a no-turning-back zone (unless i get alzheimers or dementia) of Know and Suffer. i know now. i know. i can't say it enough. i never thought id say it, or be able to say, or be SCARED to say it....but i know. and its fucking insane.
i didnt realize how much i learned in the past month until i worked today. some lady came to the counter and asked about a medication for her runny nose. and she handed me a decongestant. and i said " are you stuffed up? can you breathe through your nose?" and she said yes. so i told her to get an anti-histamine. well, actually, the pharmacist told her because i had to double check in case my memory betrayed me, but i was right! and not because popular culture tells you "nose have a problem? take an antihistamine!" no, because i know the mechanisms or actions. i know the time of effectiveness. i KNOW. good god. its happening. i feel like a drug-hulk or something.

my new bunny died. it was awful to watch. it happened an hour before an exam. it was horrible.

RIP love. i miss you.

It's my anniversary! Jeff and I have been going out for 3 years. Well, it's tmw, but i have 2 tests next week so we're celebrating early. Three years. What can I say, I'm a relationship kind of girl. We're going to Melting Pot later. I met up with my uncle and cousin today, who are from Jacksonville. My cousin had a soccer game and they beat the other team 12-0. Poor team. And then we went to Mellow Mushroom and I had some kosmic karma pizza, which is the best pizza from a restaurant i have ever had. feta and fresh tomatoes, sun dried tomatoes, and pesto. soooo good. so now we're just chilling, avoiding the uf/um game madness outside. god, im stuffed. hopefully i can get hungry by 7 pm

I got plants! i think plants make a house beautiful. life, especially that in color, is beautiful. take a look:

this is a curcuma, a plant native to south asia and south america. it's where saffron comes from, when you dry the flowers and grind em up. but it's pretty.

and then i planted some periwinkles outside:

they arent in bloom now, but there are five small plants in front of the dying bush. i need to get that bush some fertilizer or something. sheesh.

i havent posted in a while...ive been in south florida and school starts in a week and i feel nauseous. school. second year. where i learn all the drugs. all. of. them.
i used to write in my journal. but since ive had SG, ive written in here instead sometimes. and i realized, when i was in south florida, i hadnt written in my journal in months. when my account dies, i cant really access my thoughts. and i know ill only stay on sg until my account dies. i guess, for now at least, its not worth the money to go on this site once a week, which is as often as ill prob be on as soon as school starts. i miss a lot about my past. i walked through my high school and middle school when i was in south florida. i met with my 7th grade english teacher. weird. its like nothing has changed but my height.
i have to help with orientation for the new pharmacy students tomorrow. i really dont have any friends in pharmacy school. just 100 acquaintances. life isnt fun anymore. it wont be until i graduate. and then i can have choice again.

moving out in 3 days. and hopefully i wont be moving for another 3 years. and by that time ill have a real job. and have graduated.
i had a bunch of fun at my friend, becca's, house yesterday. it was her boyfriend's 25th and we had a pinata and a water balloon fight, silly string, and carvel cake. and liquor too.
id post pics, but sometimes idk how id feel if they found pics of themselves on a nudie site. lol. id certainly be perturbed.
i have 5 days of work left. and i get to look forward to spending a week or so down south with my family. god, im excited.
i should have hung out with people tonight. im such an recluse. i hate it. but sometimes i find it easier than trying.

you know what i think? i think that people are ugly. in the end, they are all ugly human beings. they are selfish, arrogant, and refuse to acknowledge kindness or decency. women are attention whores who flaunt their flesh to get a smile, a wink, to get what they want. i hate women more than i hate men. and i know that deep down i can only trust myself. i am sick of the "smiles" and the "hugs" and the phone calls that come once a month. you know, i wish i could pull people's subconscious' in to my world without the flesh knowing and just mow over it. slice it, slap it, pinch it. put it right back where it came from and the owner none the wiser. and they would say "why, i feel different. i feel like shit." because you are shit, sweet girl. kind sir. you are.