age: 31 (Aug 20, 1980)
MEMBER SINCE: September 2004
occupation: Biotech lab assistant (soon I hope)
i lost my virginity: with a surprisingly agile hippy chick in a parking lot in Hillcrest
stats: Chasing me was a hungry dweller, but I had escaped it by pretending to die
crush: Every girl who doesn't call me back
most humbling moment: getting accidentally kicked in the balls on the lawn of my best friend's house
sign: ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!!!
fantasy: reciprocal love, respect and appreciation, soft white skin, red hair, blue eyes, anything and everything, lots of surprises
gets me hot: Fingers run through my hair, aggressive females, feeling wanted, struggling for domination, biting, scratching, hair-pulling, blades, the slightest opportunity, red things, black things, skin, that look, words longer than three syllables, glasses, fishnet, leather, sexually explicit comments, unrequited love
makes me sad: People, starting with me, fail to appreciate these things and fill their lives with unnecessary complications like addiction and violence and pop music, when they could be living their beautiful lives.
makes me happy: I live in the universe that brought forth Danny Elfman, Friedrich Nietzsche, my closest friends, French vanilla, more math than I'll ever get to know, and endless endless love
body mods: When they get too long, I clip my finger nails and toenails. Sometimes I pay people to cut my hair, but I always feel a little bit better about it when they do it for free.
When I think about life and death, I think about how I've done a lot of fun and interesting things in my life- things that were fun and interesting for <i>me</i>, but that's not enough. It can never be enough for me. No matter how much fun I have or how much I learn, it will always be the case that I HAVEN'T DONE ENOUGH if I haven't brought out as much of myself as I can, and given as much of myself as I can to the world that I love. All of the fun and all of the learning will disappear when I die. They will evaporate immediately and cease to have any meaning when I cease to regard them.
It's a little sickening, if you think about it- the idea that a person can live an entire human life from start to finish, gathering all kinds of fascinating experience and information, and that it will simply be dumped in the event of expiration. The only thing that redeems this condition is that you can do something, that you can share with the world, and what you share can make a difference: in the lives of the people you love, in the ongoing practices that you participated in and hopefully contributed something significant to, in the greater appreciation for life and the world that someone has because you were there to show them something beautiful.
Of course, all of this great contribution to the world is just as meaningless as the gigamegaterabytes of data that are cast into the void when a person's life ends, if it is never enjoyed, and this enjoyment of life is just as essential (or more, depending on the weight you like to give to things) to its being lived meaningfully as what is produced by it. Concerns for the moment and for the future are complementary here, rather than being bitter rivals.
Maybe the sexiest thing I've ever said is, "You shouldn't be missed." I said it to someone I managed never to be jealous over. I remembered...
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Annisa