my arm is in a cast and its throbbing...aching....it comes off next week so its not a fucking big deal....but its got me thinking..sitting here, the lonely bug creep creep creeping down my body..into my body....i think my heart could of used a cast....i should of been able to go the doctor and have it set....a solid shield with written instructions on its care....i thought i had it all figured out....then whoop there it is....and im dropping it like its hot. (how many song lyrics can i use in one blog as metaphors of my life)......
oooo...whiny lil me.....its early morning and i havent slept which is really not unusual for me and i have this art project in my head, i have this song in my head, i have this costume in my head, this drawing these words and i want to create something better, something beautiful but my wrist hurts and i dont know where to start and where all of this ends. .....


i want burning man. i want to go out for coffee with my friend in sf and ramble about our silly lives til we are blue in the face.....i want peaceclaritylovecreativitysexfirepassioncalm.

.after it all i came back.

i havent been on here forever. i suppose i will have to start exploring again.....hope all is well....

i am so over sat (since i bartend in ny, i just got home an hour ago.)

im so glad that today is sunday. i hope its better than the past few days...

so i did something that i probably shouldnt have done.
but i feel like it had to be.
i feel so naked right now...so stripped away of any thoughts of my maturity, my devotion. i feel so young and silly right now...so mixed with good and the not so good...and im not to sure how i got here....but i saw this happening....transforming and in the back of my head i thought it wont ever happen, even while knowing that really it would...was...and did.
what a dilemma.
problem that i see at this moment is not really having a good friend to talk too..so im sounding off to this empty board in hopes that i will work this out in my head and soon.

its those curveballs man.....i swear this one is pretty hardcore.

so i havent written in forever, and noone has really seemed to care. that is okay...its all right. my life has been incredibly crazy for the past few months..and for a while i even thought my membership had been cancelled. its funny how the world outside can take over every aspect of your life. of course..i would love to hear about updates from friends.


a

heres an update!!!

my new job starts on monday. swanky lounge here i come...that and an east village bar. im pretty excited.

my girl spun (she djs too) at spirit last nite..she opened for a pretty well know psy trance dj!! i am very proud of her..it rocked. well...she rocked anyways..the rest of the party was a bit strange.

what is it about being a lesbian that bois just cannot seem to possibly understand??

spent the whole day relaxing and eating and relaxing..
tomorrow im planning a big valentines dinner for my girl...

and my hunt for a sweet little bullie continues....

hope everyones valentine is exactly how they wish it would be.

a

im so fuzzy right now.
i have finally succumbed to the nasty cold that some million new yorkers seem to be spreading (my girlie included). i feel like crap. i hate when i am sick. i hate the defeated, my body is giving up feeling. it makes me cranky. i missed three open calls today for bartenders at clubs that i would have liked to have gone too. i miss the days when finding a job wasnt that hard if you knew what you were doing. here it is a bit different. but then again, everything is.

i had so much to say...and then i received a phone call from my mum, which led to cooking dinner, which led to this sort of pointless journal entry. i had valid points to make, but now my wishywashy mind is thinking of food....

but:
heres a question:: what do you think shocked me the most when i moved to new york city? ( i dont think youlle ever guess)

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