I hate when things get into my head and will not leave me alone. Thoughts of projects and designs and composition. . . I wake up some nights from dreams of air conditioned acrylic egg-shaped pods suspended over the desert, sleeping accommodations for the wayward traveler. Of towering 50 foot windmills above said eggs powering the machinery to satiate the needs of the nomadic visitors below. Ever since I decided I am going to foray into the Black Rock Desert next summer I have had these brain storms overtake my senses, taking me down the Rabbit Hole into a world I do not yet know. Yeah, I am a little bit nuts.

So I rarely post anything on blog, or elsewhere anymore. However, there are some comments that I have noticed on some sets that quite frankly piss me the fuck off. For FUCK SAKE people, don't tell a girl they need to be flashin you their pussy. That is their choice. I saw somebody commenting on a girls body saying something about belly rolls. For crying out loud a woman with less than a "perfect" body had the balls to post a set, don't berate them for it!

Unless I am mistaken this site is about independantly minded women doing, saying and being what ever the hell they want. Where that girl from high school who we all thought was kinda weird, (you know the one that we all thought might be a cutter), can be herself and say "Fuck you, this is who I am!"

I might pay some scratch to be here, but to me this is and always will be their site. I am merely a guest in their house. So to all of you that have stupid ass snarky comments that are less than constructive, again I say FUCK YOU!

Have a nice day.

Moving foreward seems such a chore some days. Lately it seems any progress I acheive is taken away in short order. Every time I get closer to reaching a goal, and being happy in the way I wish it is trounced by a multitude of catastrophies beyond my controll. So I trudge foreward as best I can, making little progress it seems, trying vainly to make it where I want to get. The treadmill of life will not win. I am too damned stubborn, too damned determined, I will make it. I will be at HER side.

Back from my mini-vacation, and it was great! Missed out on some big sales days at work is seems, but fuck it, this was worth it. I miss her already, and cannot wait until we can be together again, even if it just for a couple days.

Not going to be around for a few days. My sweetheart is coming into town and I will be spending my time with her. So if I miss anything great or grand or otherwise super duper, oh well, more important things are coming into play.

Have fun for the next few days, and play nice all.

Awakening from a dark abyssal slumber,
Opening my eyes to the daylight once more,
Experiencing life with new wonder,
Not caring what life has in store.

Alas the darkness keeps yeilding,
Shirking and retiring into the mire,
The heart leaps forth without fearing,
Knowing a world without fear.

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For the time being, I believe I will have to refrain from posting much on the CE boards. With the election being as heated as it is, and emotions running rampant, there seems to be more lashing out than civil discussion at present time. I am all for heated debate, and respected differing of oppinion, however that is not what I have whitnessed on either side as of late. I will still be reading the CE boards, and on topics that evoke a visceral response in me, I will respond to. For now though, I think I will diminish and become a spectator.

Had my only day off of the week killed by morons calling in to work. As it stands, I wont have a day off until late next week. Oh well, life goes on.

I am thinking I just need to go out one night and get completely shit-faced sloppy drunk. Been quite a while since I prayed to the porcain gods.

Life barrels forward, rocketing down the highway of life, and I am just alnong for the ride. It seems the harder you try to get to a certain point in your life, the more the fates intervene, slowing down any progress you make.

I am just out of a long distance relationship. She now maintains that she just wants to be friends. However, she keeps telling me how much she misses me, and talks like we are still together. Women to me are a "riddle, wrapped in an enigma, shrowded by mystery."

Work has been an escape lately. An escape from the mundane. It seems that a few of my co-workers and myself are the only ones in the entire company that have not become mindless atomotons hell bent on coorperate pleasure. Maybe it is the fact that while being on commision, we are not totally dependent on the company, rather on our own performance, to survive. I have refused to tow the company line and yet I am praised. It seems surreal at times.

My kids are constantly driving me insane, as does their mother. I can never count on her to maintain her visitation obligations. Nor has she ever attempted to pay the child support she has been ordered to pay. However, I would do anything for their happiness, and having their Mom in their lives seems to make them happy for a few minutes a month.

Life goes on, I keep scratching, clawing and trudging up this mountain in front of me. Plodding foreward into an unknown that I relish to see. Around the next corner may be an adventure of untold excitement. Or more mundain plodding. The adventure seems to be more about the journey than the destination. Ariving at my goals has never seemed as fulfilling as the process of getting their anway. So pull away fates, make it as hard as you can. You can only make my travels all the sweeter by your intervention!

Need to get out sometime. I am going nuts. Seems like all I do is work and sleep. Oh well, life goes on. Don't have the kids for the weekend, they went camping with their grandparents. So I have the house to myself for once. The question is, what am I going to do with this freedom?