how much longer do you think we all could keep moving onward, in the same direction, without a soul.. without a soul to say i love you. i breathed in your world to find ways in, and i let myself be used as if i was pieces of you, i couldnt be alone no not for long and ive only prolonged what is true. How long do you presume ill last without a soul to tell me i love you? How long shall i go on breathing in your dust just for the fragrance, of when you loved me too… i guess unless things change again ill be here. time moves and im here, how long has it been since i heard you say i love you? you kissed me goodbye got out the car and that was the last i heard of you. IF i had the opportunity to loose me, i would be so far gone, but there that angel is to say i love you.

At this point staying strong and keeping my head up seems impossible, the people that are supposed to be there for you have always in my case made things worse, and it wasnt accidental, they always consider it a game to push someone while they are down. When your own mom thinks you were lying about getting towed and assuming youre a druggie like she was, even worse is when she gets into your face because you call her out and tell her the truth. I have made more than enough attemptts at correcting things in my life and i continue to feel as if my only option is to sit back and watch it all pass by, everytime i step out the door and enjoy the fresh air my future plans get shattered, and efverything crumbes all at once, will i come back from this fall, most definitely, am i pissed off as could be. OF COURSE. how do i resolve this i cant i just press onwards into another direction because im seriously sick of this shit.

Ive always felt the need to be in a relationship with someone, im not quite sure why but after being cheated on again and for the last time ive decided to stay single for some time, in my hopes that ill understand more about me and better myself.

Nonetheless all of this is rather challenging when im beyond used to the company of a female partner, and the love and affection I show/ receive, that's what I usually consider to be my crutch and reason for continuing down a road to nowhere. Now that I have no crutch, its just myself, school, and working out, oh and of course work.

Well, I feel so antisocial with just these things but making friends seems to be harder than I remember, and I guess the reason is that I allowed my self to be damaged by the previous examples of shit people who I thought who worth something.

Point is I wanna be happy again. I mean I am, with my own selfish accomplishments, like working out and school, but I want more, and ive always been fulfilled with a relationship as that something more, but maybe that's not right for me right now, I need an understanding of what I could do that is bigger than myself , fulfilling and allows me to slowly but surely shun my fear of the world and allow me to feel a lil less introverted and damaged;

With our best intentions we are dying so hard to live, we are fast feeding and overly adaptive, embracing failure and mistakes to endure and suffer with these breaks. I am fasting, starving vigorously, weak ill always be and no one will ever hear me, I found myself shouting, "speak", when I had no voice to begin with.
Oh god, we beg of this. Oh god, please save we.
Us as a whole were dying, starving to feed, we can no longer break we can no longer strive forward into the field of life.
With the strongest of us we are tearing at the seams, viciously fighting eachother for nothing it seems, correcting the failures as mistaken as me.
Try and fix a broken glass, theres not enough glue, to hold your candy asking for love and this, this ill never find. I find myself so calm wanting to scream, and if you could you wouldn't understand me.
Oh god, please!please!
Solve this for me, the indecision that time bears, it holds me still, it has me scared.
Hold me, fold me, toss me like a paper plane. All we can do and all we ever want is to run away, I'll run, I'll run be gone for days cause dreams smother thoughts in brand new ways. Free as I am im shackled by it, me as I am that's a mind I don't get.

At this point I've made very minor adjusments with major waves. I enjoy living now that you are gone, and the yearning I once knew, well its still there, but in most instances it is missing. In this day and age I am young, I portray myself as that, only hoping for the respect I deserve, damning myself I suppose. I'm grateful, only because I know what it is to be without, and yes I am alone. They say we are here but I haven't seen a soul, and to tell you the truth, well I am glad you were all full of shit.