So someone did me the disservice of getting me hooked on Dexter. I came across the episodes in Season 2 where the detective is listening to Chopin, who is awesome btw, and he says a line about how truth comes from the calmness. And how it helps to have the right music to make that happen. This of course spun out of control in my brain as I am constantly analytically inclined.
I thought about the continuing education that Im about to do with the Enneagram institute, about my relationship, about where I am in life. The next few months are going to be so rediculously painful and difficult to deal with because Im doing something that I dont often do and too long avoid. I am going to focus on ME. I give my gf what I think she needs/wants sometimes instead of giving her what she actually does. Which ultimately in reality is very little as she is a whole and complete person.
I thought about all the concerns and troubles and the things I fret and fuss over. I was amazed when I finally took stock of what I was doing to myself mentally. I am making a conscientious choice to stop hurting myself and others by being so focused on others or peripherals that I fail to notice what it is I am ACTUALLY doing. Sometimes its important, really, REALLY important to step back and realize that all you have to do to make the world a better place is to control your actions in it and with others.
I am who I am as we all are. We can make changes and step outside those boundaries so that we can learn and grow and be more and better than where we started. It hurts because it goes against our grain and good sense. Seeing the other side is worth it though. I may not enjoy the next few months but I know once its over I am going to once again be a force to be reckoned with.
Id like to encourage anyone reading this to endeavor in little steps of the same. Get some quiet, self focused time in your life. Play some Chopin or Beethoven, or maybe Thievery Corporation. Whatever helps your heartbeat to settle into a nice slow cruise. Reflect on who you are, revel that you have gotten as far as you have even if you dont think its that far or far enough. Dont chase some arbitrary line of judgement that makes you feel bad. Set a goal to just learn about you and who you are and why. Crying may be involved, its cool, it happens.
I say all that to say this, there are a lot of great people out there, they just have to find themselves and treat themselves and others well. If you are having a hard time, a terrible time, etc for what its worth Im pulling for you. I wish you love, growth, wisdom, and great discovery.
Wisdom and Peace,
Mike