I think I may be falling for a girl. Badly.

Bugger.

It's a little sad that the only place I can share this confession is on a porn site blog, but my best mate is overseas, and my other best friend unfortunately happens to also have a massive crush on the same girl. So, options for sharing are limited.

All the signs of massive crush are there. For one thing - I'm listening to Blink 182. I know that puts me into the same camp as angsty 13 year olds, but I can't help it - I'm drawn to cheesy music when I get emotional!

Argh. This is terrible. I haven't felt like this in years. What on earth is going on with me - I've only been out on two dates with her!

For the first time in 5 and a half years, I am now single, of my own volition. It's a weird feeling - sleeping alone... not receiving (and sending) several text messages every day from the same person... other small things I've gotten into the habit of, like mentally bookmarking interesting stuff that I think would amuse her.

(For example the large and bedraggled bush turkey that decided to make its home in the park outside the local shopping mall, and wander up and down begging for scraps. I knew she'd love that, but I never got to tell her, or show the close-up picture I took of it when it trustingly came up to me as I took its picture on my phone.)

Initially there was loneliness, and a lot of it. But... I'm coping really well now, and that has a lot to do with the fact that I have rediscovered something wonderful. FRIENDS. I never realised how fully enclosed I'd gotten in this relationship until I was forced to actually reconnect with the outside world.

I feel like I've woken up after a long sleep and looked around and realised, the world is a pretty cool place, and it doesn't just revolve around my girlfriend, my job and my flatmate. I can't believe how reliant I was on that one relationship for all my emotional needs. Pretty obvious, you might say, but sometimes you're so deep into these things you just can't see anything else.