Woke up feeling Incubus today.
Been a while since I've jammed to them.
Had a good/bad night last night. Another friend's bday, some good shrimp tacos, an arguements over the pros and cons of the Zooey Deschannel character that has become so popular to emulate between her show The New Girl and her iPhone commercial and such, after that it was sarsaparillas and billiards at a little rockabilly bar (which had a dj spinning 80s pop, made for a weird dynamic).
All of that was fun and enjoyable. Then a girl who I'd been with in kind of a friends with benefits thing when first I'd gotten out here to AZ wanted to come back to the house and swim in our pool. I'm on friend level with her, so I didn't think much of it, but then she got hyper-flirtatious and we wound up having sex.
The sad thing is, I didn't even enjoy it. I knew it wasn't what I wanted to be doing or who I wanted to be with. I don't think of her that way, and she kept insisting she just wanted sex, no emotion no attachment and no expectation... but I still just felt shitty. I was so disappointed in myself after she came a few times I just went soft and didn't finish.
I confirmed for myself, if there had been any lingering doubts, that completely meaningless sex with someone I don't care about just isn't where I'm at anymore.
Lesson learned I suppose.
Tonight it's a wrestling ppv followed by karaoke with some friends, I don't have class tomorrow, though I do have to wake up for the dishwasher repair guy and then someone coming to do a tile cleaning before our 3rd housemate moves in at the end of the month.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
suzika:
and yup agree with you on the meaningless sex part of your blog too...there's a time for everything...but I was never into that. Just do what feels right for you.
suzika:
Don't beat yourself up too much, at least you are aware of how you feel and what it is you want, that way you can't go wrong you know. Laters and feel better.