Hey guys I don't want to be a pest about this but my buddy's apartment burned down today and he and his wife may have lost everything. I know money's tight for everybody and I hate to ask but if you could possibly donate a few dollars it would really help him out.

Fund Razr

I'm durnk so typos maybe but I don't typo that often so not too many. ("Durnk" was on purpose, yeah I'm a loser). I don't have much to say but I'm gonna try to write here more regularly and maybe it'll turn into something cool.

Language is awesome-sauce. At my dojo we don't usually use the original Japanese words for most of our techniques because we're trying to be more accessible, but lately my friend and I have taken more of an interest in the history of our art. My Sensei didn't really seem to understand at first. I think he thought we were insecure about what we've been studying and needed $5 words to make it seem more worth-while. But it's not that. Hearing a word in a different language gives you a different feeling of the concept. Here's an example that probably none of you care about.

We have a concept called taijutsu which translates to "body technique" but really means the way you use your body to generate power (as opposed to isolating your muscles or something). It's a really neat concept, and until recently I've been including the way you move your body into positions as part of that concept. But I just recently learned that there is another word, taisubake which means "body movement". Does this mean that everything I've been working at is wrong? Hell no! But the idea that the way my body moves and the way my body generates power are two different things is really intriguing. It's a very subtle distinction and not one I'd recommend a white belt concern themselves with. But if you like to actually think about what you're training on as well as practice it, this seems somewhat more profound. What's kept me training at this art has really been how much there is to think about in it. The depth I keep encountering is something I could easily see myself exploring for the rest of my life. And imaging myself doing that brings a smile to my face, so I hope I never stop.

I got other things to say but I'm drunk and exhausted so I'm gonna pass out now I think. Night internet!

What's up peeps, I was debating starting up on this place again, but then I figured I must've renewed for some reason and all the naked ladeez couldn't have been the only motivating factor. Booze in my body is probably contributing to this snap decision too but we'll see what's up I guess. I do know I've thought many times about how great it'd be to have a place to post thoughts and shit that isn't Facebook where family and employers can see. Here goes!

Where've I been?
Weeeelll... I originally took a break for.... I forget why. But then I got a girlfriend! Whooohoo! That lasted about 3.5 years. It was mostly pretty awesome but there were some shitty parts (that'd be true for pretty much any relationship right?). Shit was super awesome for a while but then it got kinda comfy which I was cool with but ended up causing a lot of stress. I'm not sure how much I should be blaming myself for the whole thing, I mean I know I deserve some of the blame, just ... how much? I don't want to get into that too much right now but maybe future posts, we'll see. SO anyways-

**EDITOR'S NOTE: I should probably mention this is stream of consciousness so if there's any repetition or contradiction or what not... yeah suck it**

- Anybody I used to chat it up with or whatever still active here? How you guys been?!? Sorry I was shitty and disappeared. Totally get it if you want to be all "Fuck that guy." But if you're cool with it... SUP!? How's life been? ... Yeah I feel like I had more to say but that's all my fingers are making happen right now so I'm gonna post this shit and see what happens. Catch y'all on the flip side!

So I guess it's pretty obvious I haven't really been on this site that often... ok, at all.
I'm busy. I'm enjoying RL. What can I say?
I still love a lot of you and that will never change, and if you for some reason don't have any of my contact info and have some kind of aversion to looking at my profile for it feel free to ask me directly. Or just contact me via PM or whatever. I don't see myself canceling my account any time soon. This site has helped me in many ways and I'm sure I'll eventually have a desire to spend more time here again. At the very least I'll want to check out the naked chicks.
But yeah, I won't really be on here much or at all. I'm sorry if you enjoyed my "silliness" or anything like that. But that's just the way things happen sometimes. I'll try to check out comments on this but a better way to make sure I actually read what you write (and respond if applicable) would be a PM. It goes to my e-mail which I can check more easily and do check more frequently.
Nothing really major to report other than saying all that. Hope you're all well.

Ummm... hi everybody!
*hides*
Stop throwing rocks! I have an excuse I promise! And a good one too!
Well, ok, not a good one. A sucky one. But it's a true one and that's gotta count for something.

My "absence" explained:
In a word? Work. Work, work work, some more work, a little work, with work on the side, and everybody's old favorite, work. This job is slowly tearing me apart. Not because it's a bad job or anything like that. It's still the best job I've ever had. And even though my previous jobs weren't something you'd brag about that doesn't mean this job isn't great. It is. It's a really awesome job. There's just a metric fuck-ton of work to do. And it's never ending. And everybody wants their thing done NOW. And at the same time everybody recognizes that there's just too much work to do. So people say things like "Hey... the client's really on my ass about this. Do you have any idea when you might be able to get to it?" Which sounds really polite and nice in theory but once you've dealt with about twenty of them you almost long for somebody to yell at you. Even though it's not really your fault. So that, and ninjutsu have been taking up all my time lately. In fact I've been missing ninjutsu more than I'd like because of work. And as much as I love all of you guys and this site, ninjutsu has really become my life. And if I don't have time for that... well, I'm sorry. I even put food second to ninjutsu, so don't feel too bad m'kay?

But I know I'm not the only busy one. Plenty of you are working like 60 hour weeks or struggling with all sorts of things and you guys still have time to keep in touch with people here. Well, I'm an ass I guess. I don't really feel like one and I'm pretty sure most of you wouldn't say I am one or anything, but that's the only really logical explanation. To make up for it I'm going to give you all some insight into what my introspective mind has come up with on those nights where I don't have the energy to move or keep my eyes open but I still can't sleep because my brain won't shut up.

Actually... I won't do that... sorry. I can't really think of a way to make it interesting to anybody other than me. I suppose it's enough to say that I continue to learn more and more about myself every day. It's interesting, scary, funny, pathetic, awesome and pretty much any adjective you can think of all at the same time. Which contributes to my exhaustion I'm sure. It does eventually push me to sleep.

I don't like to think that I'm losing touch with people. If you feel like we haven't talked in a while, please, send me a message or a text or comment here or whatever you want to do. I honestly will probably respond. As busy as I am I can manage to reply to a message here or there. I'm just too busy to go seeking conversation myself. I know that's pretty selfish and sucky of me. I'm sorry. My buddy list is almost permanently minimized, I almost never have SG open in a tab. E-mail is pretty much the only thing I actually check on my own. And I do a lot more reading than writing there. I miss you guys. I just can't mess around on the boards or with peoples' blogs these days. I'm sorry.

Ok, and after all that, I'll leave you with a bit of introspection that some of you might find interesting. This is a tad "graphic" so if you're not interested you don't have to click the spoiler.

Now I'm going to listen to loud music and do a little practice. It's way too late, but I'm too amped to sleep just yet. And I've done enough thinking tonight.

FUCK THIS SITE! FUCK IT WITH A BIG RUSTY NAIL!
I was just about done with a very detailed explanation of what I've been doing for a while when my computer decided to go back a page and lose it all. Why am I pissed at the site then? Because I didn't sleep much last night and I'll be pissed at whatever I want to be pissed at thank you very much.

Let's try this again.

My previous blog shows you what happens when you write a blog on three hours of sleep while dreading to go to work. I'm still on three hours of sleep and many more awake but at least I'm not dreading going to work so let's see if I can say something more interesting.

The weekend before last I had an amazing kicking workshop at my dojo. Words can't express how fulfilling, exhausting, enlightening, amazing it was so I won't try. Just imaging me kicking a lot. A lot. And then some more. And take that and multiply it by 5. Then square it. Ok, you're close. I couldn't really walk so well for several days after. I loved it. I love kicking!

This picture was in my accidentally erased post. I think it was something about what my kicking will be like when I perfect the technique of it. I don't know. Use your imagination.


Ummm last weekend I hung out with Kindle which was a blast as always. She's awesome and any of you that are lucky enough to hang out with her are... lucky... ok now I'm just being redundant. Oh well.

Work sucks. We're waaaay overdue with all our tasks mainly because I'm the only one working on them because everybody else is too busy working on other tasks. The guy that checks my code is being a total douche which is equal parts annoying and amusing. But don't tell him I said that. It might hurt his feelings. The prick.

Ummm... yeah, so that's it in the condensed, pulling from memory, pissed at having to repeat myself version. I'm trying to keep in touch with people here but I'm having trouble.

Oh yeah, a huge thanks to Kleio (who probably won't see this because she's probably even busier than I am) for introducing me to Steven Brust. More specifically his Adventures of Vlad Taltos. It's been a while since I read something that was incredibly light hearted, incredibly profound, incredibly exciting and just... just amazing all at once. I'm loving it. I'll leave you with a quote from the current installment I'm reading that had me cracking up like a madman on the bus and earned me plenty of dirty looks from all the people around me. The musings of Kiera, master thief:

New blog post!
About damn time.

Obviously I've been a little too busy for this site lately I'm afraid. That doesn't mean I'm too busy for any of you though! Ok, yes it does. Whatever, I don't know. Shut up. I don't want to go to work. I want to cry just so I don't have to move. But I don't have anything to cry about and also, oh, right, I can't. What? Shut up! No you shut up!

Happy?