How does one break an addiction?

I have, after almost three life-sapping years, quit my alternate life on Everquest 2. My account is cancelled, my client uninstalled, my bridges burned. The two characters who have received my all for the last 18 months now sit in potentia, waiting for the player to return.

It still preys on my mind.

I try to fill my evenings with inane forum browsing, movies, alcohol, anything to drag me back to that place I used to inhabit with all the real people in it. The trouble is, I remember how pointless it all seems, how inadequate I feel in social gatherings and I wonder if this is all there is to life, wasn't my electronic one so much better?

Neil Gaiman rocks my world.

I.. am.. Rahael.

My Level 70 Swashbuckler is now me. I am inseperable from it.

The real world has lost all appeal to me; my only tenuous link to it, an attractively down-to-earth Polish girl who clearly felt something for me, has moved to another town and met a man. My inability to articulate or act upon positive emotions meant that a possible romance never got further than the first date- a massive leap for me in any case, but seemingly not far enough.

My job has no appeal, but no job does- why hassle myself with changing occupation, learning to drive, finding a new home when it will all lead me inexorably back to my fake electronic world- with my distant friends and my faceless enemies- whom I have come to rely on?

I'm probably a symptom of the modern age, or a sheltered upbringing, or a case study for a bored psychology student. Put simply, i'm a loser and i'm feeling self-destructive.

Anyway, enough about me. SG is still pretty hot.

Jesus fucking Christ, four months without an update. I'm currently lying dead at the foot of the Guardian of Leadership waiting to be revived (online RPG, don't ask).

Well, i'm the same weak human as I was back then, though don't mention I said that as I will deny it. A potential relationship with a sexy Polish girl may have turned into a potentially uninteresting friendship due to my stupid habit of freezing up at vital moments. My job still sucks, perhaps a little more than before and now it aggros my breathing difficulties but i'm assured worse things happen at sea.

And i'm absolutely addicted to this computer game. Must go back. Must... go...

It feels like a fucking age since i've been on SG. I'm hopelessly addicted to Everquest 2, more so than before. Only a computer crash and a couple of days fixing it has tempered me so far. Needless to say, however, I am installing EQ2 as I speak....

I may also have acquired a drinking problem; I can't seem to get drunk any more, more than a couple of bottles makes me feel over-hydrated and in need of unhealthy foodstuffs. I drink too much coffee, and at the moment even more coffee-based iced drinks and some cookie-flavoured shake sold by a coffee shop whosetarget audience is exceedingly camp. I refuse to allow myself to fit in there, I don't wanna be the ambiguous one any more.

Tomorrow, if I can drag myself away from my internet connection, I will be not-dancing with the Sugarfoot girls again. Although it's a tragedy that the gorgeous object-of-mine-affection has moved to the country with her lover and child, I will not be too proud to be flirting with her raven-haired colleague at the Stomp. If her boyfriend is around I may have to distract him with some issues of Men's Health.

EDIT: It seems I misread the raven-haired one's corporeal linguistics when last we met, as she and her BF are very much still attached at the crotch. So I flirted unsuccessfully with a barmaid instead.

Superman was rather good, a real old-fashioned superhero movie- you could almost imagine Christopher Reeve and Gene Hackman in the lead roles, and the whole feel was greatly improved by the use of the original score and credit-styling. It was ruined by the schizophrenic crackhead sat next to us, talking thoughout the whole damn movie.

Pirates of the Caribbean tomorrow

Also tonight I found out what Ska is, apparently it's like regular music only with more trombones.

I'm back!

Sort of.

Maybe not.

That is all.

Ah, so that's what exhaustion feels like.

"Breath of the morning
I keep forgetting
the smell of warm
summer air"

It smells like summer.

My friends are hopelessly attached to their women. I think I just need some postpubescent groping to help, I really feel the need for human contact tonight.

"Hey baby, wanna come back to my mom's house?"

Grr... whether to go see friends i've not seen for months, or one I might not see for longer?

EDIT: Ended up seeing both, and feeling just as out of place at each. The plus point is the girl who liked me seems to be getting over it - the minus being that no-one I actually like has become available.