My girlfriend had her Thetis show at her college last night. I am so fucking prod of her six years of school and she is just a month away from her BFA degree.

I got to meet all of her school pals which was fun but as always at things like this I felt so awkward. I really liked all the people I met and would like to hang out with them but, let's face it, both my girl and I are social misfits. Even in a fringe group of social misfits. I mean these are the type of people I'm most comfortable around ( the weird artsy type) and I still had moments where had no idea idea what to do with myself. I almost wished I still smoked so I would at lest had an excuse to step outside and get away for a minute. Instead I just ended up sitting in a very uncomfortable chair, eavesdropping on a conversation that I desperately wanted to join, wringing my hands because I was so anxiety ridden.

Still it was a pretty good night.

I've been felling withdrawn and cutoff from the world of late. I'm just sinking deeper and deeper into myself. All introspective and selfdepracating. I have no real friends no one I can hang out with. No buddy who's going to get me stoned and drunk and drag me to a titty bar on my birthday. Fuck no one to even wish me a happy birthday except for my girlfriend and her mother. No one to play Rock Band with or any video games for that matter.

I miss having friends. It just seems the older I get the harder it is to make new ones and all the ones i had have all gone away. When you have really good friends it feels like they'll be around forever. You feel like your whole. Like your normal even.

But I'm not. Normal... or whole.

I have a gapping maw inside of me, stronger and deeper than the largest super massive black hole in the universe. Sucking in all light, all happiness, all hope. All that is left is the empty shell of a man who never even came close to living up to his potential.

Not counting my future bride, I don't know that anyone has ever considered me their best friend.

I can't seem to get the hang of making friend on here (or unreal life for that matter) even after being on here for six years.

And it's really shity because three years ago one of my favorite groups changed their rules for application. I'm not a creep I'm really a nice guy. I just don't know what to say to people most of the time so I don't comment all that often. I was a member of the PSW group for three years. I'm a cubby chaser. I just love women with a little something more. PSW was my favorite group and the reason I renewed my SG subscription every year. I let my SG membership expire due to lack of funds and got booted from the PSW group. When I came back and reapplied I was denied over and and over. I'm just really pissy and I don't know what to do.

What I need is a nice, long, sloppy blowjob. Just saying.

Jersey city ate my copy of Borderlands 2. According to the tracking number it has been sitting in the same spot for three days. I had the same problem when I pre ordered the new Transformers game. This is the last time I pre order a game from amazon. Next time I'll go through Game Stop. I may not like there business practices it at least they can got a copy of a new game to you on release day.

All is not lost however, because Redbox has saved the day. Had had to go to the next tower over but at now I have a rental copy ob BL2 to spend my Saturday night with.

Got to go this is eating in to my game time. Off to Pandora

I think I may have just had a panic attack. I'm not 100% sure but I don't know what else to call it.

It be National Talk Like a Pirate Day, yarr!!!

I've been playing a whole lot of Broderlands of late. I decided to finish all the DLC before part two came out and now I've gone into full OCD gamer mode and now I'm trying to get all the achievements. I know ofcouse I can't get all of then because several are multiplayer only and my crippling social anxiety now extends to Xbox Live as well. I used to have a group of people I played with ( no one I know in real life) that was a friendly group of guys. Things were good and then Call of Duty got big. Almost overnight online gaming was flooded with the same joke douchbag that I played video game to avoid. Though I really wish I could get over it because the game looks like it would be a hell of a lot of fun with a group.

Amazon will be shipping my copy of BL2 tomorrow for some reason so i might get it on Saturday. It coms out today and I per-ordered months ago. I guess per-ordering means shit. But at lest I'll get my Mechromancer

I need to start drawing alien! Since I got back into comics, I keep looking at the art and saying to myself I can do better then that. Whit all the shit that I have to do on a daily basis I don't even have time to watch TV. So I went out today and bought a little drawing pad that I can easily hide at work. This way when I have so down time I can just doodle in my book. Maybe this will help with my soul crushing depression.