I feel a strange uneasiness between Blue and I of late. I'm not sure what it means, but it bothers me.
I'm feeling very alone and isolated of late. I was just looking through a friend's Facebook photos of New Year's Eve and it made me fell very alone. I spent New Year's alone this year, because Blue had to work. I also spent The 4th of July alone because Blue feels threatened by Rae.
I don't see Blue for any length of time. Most days I only see her for a few minutes. I'm lucky if we spend a few hours together. And now she is being weird about me hanging out with my friends.
Okay so Rae is very much my type. If I wasn't with Blue or Rae wasn't with Sean, I would be all over Rae. But Rae and I are friends and that's it, and I wouldn't jeopardize my relationship with Blue or my friendship with Sean.
I just want to be able to hang out with my friends without feeling guilty about it.
I don't see Blue for any length of time. Most days I only see her for a few minutes. I'm lucky if we spend a few hours together. And now she is being weird about me hanging out with my friends.
Okay so Rae is very much my type. If I wasn't with Blue or Rae wasn't with Sean, I would be all over Rae. But Rae and I are friends and that's it, and I wouldn't jeopardize my relationship with Blue or my friendship with Sean.
I just want to be able to hang out with my friends without feeling guilty about it.
Oh social anxiety...it's not just for teenagers.
I just got home from my cousins wedding. I left early saying that Blue had to get to work. Which she did but we came in separate cars. I felt awkward. I felt uncomfortable. I just needed to get out of there. I felt like an outsider. I felt like an outsider in my own family. Even my brother and my parents made me feel awkward. I just sat at my table, holding Blue's hand not sure who to talk to or what to say. I just felt off all night and all I want to do right now is to crawl in to a hole.
I just got home from my cousins wedding. I left early saying that Blue had to get to work. Which she did but we came in separate cars. I felt awkward. I felt uncomfortable. I just needed to get out of there. I felt like an outsider. I felt like an outsider in my own family. Even my brother and my parents made me feel awkward. I just sat at my table, holding Blue's hand not sure who to talk to or what to say. I just felt off all night and all I want to do right now is to crawl in to a hole.
I am one FAT mother fucker!!!
I have to go to my cousin's wedding tonight. So, I went looking for some dress pants to go with my jacket because, my old ones don't fit. I went to three stores and tried on the biggest sizes they had and nothing fit. I'm going to have to make due with a pair of black work pants I have.
So I bought myself an ipod, to make myself feel better
Looks like it's time to hit the gym harder the ipod should help.
I'm too fat for this shirt,
too fat for this shirt,
so fat, it hurts.
I'm too fat for your party,
too fat for your party,
no way I'm disco dancing.
I have to go to my cousin's wedding tonight. So, I went looking for some dress pants to go with my jacket because, my old ones don't fit. I went to three stores and tried on the biggest sizes they had and nothing fit. I'm going to have to make due with a pair of black work pants I have.
So I bought myself an ipod, to make myself feel better
Looks like it's time to hit the gym harder the ipod should help.
I'm too fat for this shirt,
too fat for this shirt,
so fat, it hurts.
I'm too fat for your party,
too fat for your party,
no way I'm disco dancing.
I've been going to the gym for about four months now and I have yet to see and real results. I do however feel healthier and stronger. I guess I'll keep going.
The 4th of July. Usually I would be a my buddy Sean's house enjoying some BBQ and playing some video games or poker or some overly complex board game, but instead I'm sitting home on my ass because my girl thinks we don't spend enough time together, and she feels threatened by Sean's girlfriend Rae. So Blue guilted me into staying home with her and spending time together.
Like it's my fault that she works the nights that I have off. And I guess it's my fault that I have friend and she doesn't. It's my fault that Rae and I have a lot in common and are becoming friends. Yeah so it's that Rae plays X-box and reads comics. It's my fault that Rae is cute and smart as hell. Suddenly I'm the bad guy.
So I get to spend my three day weekend sitting home alone while my girlfriend goes to work and my friends have a BBQ.
Like it's my fault that she works the nights that I have off. And I guess it's my fault that I have friend and she doesn't. It's my fault that Rae and I have a lot in common and are becoming friends. Yeah so it's that Rae plays X-box and reads comics. It's my fault that Rae is cute and smart as hell. Suddenly I'm the bad guy.
So I get to spend my three day weekend sitting home alone while my girlfriend goes to work and my friends have a BBQ.
