How do you excuse yourself for falling in love with someone? Especially when that person turns around and stabs you in the back, betrays you, and drives you absolutely mad? How do you move on from the hate? How do you clear yourself of that pain, anger, and poison that will fill your body and soul if you give it half a chance?

I am of the full belief that we should never truly hate anyone, but with everything my ex has done and continues to do, I find it gradually more difficult to stave off the emotion.

I mentioned about my son being home yesterday, and this morning, I requested that I be allowed to see my son at least once more this week; unfortunately, though, he'll have to "discuss it" with his lawyer. In other words, I probably won't be able to see Boogie. So now I feel as if my heart has been ripped from my very breast and my body torn asunder, for I cannot even fathom when next I'll see my own son.

No, I don't think I'll ever fall in love again. Honestly, I don't want to. I've been weakened - yet not defeated - by one who swore to love, protect, and strengthen me enough as it is. I will never allow myself that particular vulnerability again.