Nothing can ever be simple, he's always gotta complicate the living hell out of every god damn thing he touches. (Father)

I feel bad for my mom right now, her parents are fading fast and she always going to their house to do things for them lately. It was kinda like an ambush on her. (aside from the million other things shes always gotta worry about)

An old feeling of anger and rage and depression hit me hard today, everyday that goes by in the past couple yrs is just pushing me back to going stoic and cold. fuck this trying to have relationships, feel and be let down or be left alone shit.

I always sort of had a dream to be larger than life when I grew up, (never wanted to be a specific something as a kid except this) and I dont think my mind spent all that much time in reality, always wanted (still do) to be the protector that everyone goes to for help, but not like a shrink, a (super) hero if you will. (larger than life) Hence i always though if I could be a soldier, trained to do a job not many would/could thats as close as Id ever get, but I couldnt join due to my eye pressure. (they take felons now, but the possibility of me getting glaucoma at some point keeps me out, yes that makes sense)

Ive given my heart to 2 girls, one didnt want it, the other was a (the) love I always wanted, when it was there I realized Id never felt true happiness before. but that ended on me.

1 activity/hobby - martial arts, I had to leave it for awhile due to $

1 possible profession - soldier/hero, cant do it.

Im completely lost at sea. And I couldnt feel more dead to the idea of caring about anything right now.

Im really sry (well not realliy, but I feel like I should say I am) if you read this stupid shit.