(Have recording of this one... still being edited...)
Just one kiss
causing a rush penetrating bliss
into a recent realm of darkness
begging only to be dismissed
Tears of joy, not sorrow
promises for a brighter tomorrow
looking towards NOT past
the only thing to make it last
I'm no longer asking why
or pondering this while I cry
just loving you today
and remembering our love this way
COULD'VE....MADE... ME STAY
It's simply amazing
that whether you read this or not
I'll know... I had these thoughts
even if they came too late
This was in my hands too
yet i let it all slip through
pushed far away from loving you
and I can't take it back
but if YOU could
would you change the past?
Don't think we'll ever know
or if it matters anymore
Apparently I'm not worth some motherfucking WHORE.
I'm in a couple of the poetry groups and I've already posted this in Urban Poetry Cafe... but I thought it's still worth posting to my profile... hope you enjoy it 
Again, please feel free to provide feedback!
Don't see beauty
NO I see right through me
This pile of flesh before your eyes
Inner beauty? Don't think so... it's definitely no surprise
You don't see it, it's simply not there
...to this defiant artist
No excuses anymore
As I'm an unloved whore
No self control or time to let go...
and anytime I smile at you
I'm simply putting on a show
This is a confession of never-ending depression
Anxiety attacks nightly
Wondering
"if I was pretty"....
WHO I JUST MIGHT BE?
And might he
just love me?
Confront me, comfort me, control me
Abuse me, use me and constantly consume me.
I'd like to paint a pretty picture
but molestation's clouded my brain with everything negatively you see
Those daily expressions of my worthlessness
were mom and dad's love... "a hug and kiss"
and I can't end the pain the proper way
seems these cuts on my arms are just for play.
Again, please feel free to provide feedback!Don't see beauty
NO I see right through me
This pile of flesh before your eyes
Inner beauty? Don't think so... it's definitely no surprise
You don't see it, it's simply not there
...to this defiant artist
No excuses anymore
As I'm an unloved whore
No self control or time to let go...
and anytime I smile at you
I'm simply putting on a show
This is a confession of never-ending depression
Anxiety attacks nightly
Wondering
"if I was pretty"....
WHO I JUST MIGHT BE?
And might he
just love me?
Confront me, comfort me, control me
Abuse me, use me and constantly consume me.
I'd like to paint a pretty picture
but molestation's clouded my brain with everything negatively you see
Those daily expressions of my worthlessness
were mom and dad's love... "a hug and kiss"
and I can't end the pain the proper way
seems these cuts on my arms are just for play.
I have eight hand written pages of emotion poured onto a notepad from one night of mad scientist-creativity and this is all I have edited so far. Please feel free to comment as I am very eager to get feedback
10/9/2009: A four page rant of emotion including loss of control. Later creating a calm of the storm
(PAUSE 2,3) and adding understanding.
On a roll
Losing Control
This time is it worth paying the toll?
My heart sinking in and Compression begins
And As I thought I was over this
Feeling ah I’ll never miss
Your touch now so cold
Intentions too bold
And all these memories…. Faded and old
Lying right next to you
Nothing to do
Not at all AT ALL thought through
Take it back, that awful sight
The dreams awaking me each night
And yet I sit here and create
A brighter future, uncommon existence
Pure and innocent standing here,
waiting, dreaming, awake now, believing
,,, the past now receding
Any affection deceiving
on my knees dying, pleading
to help stop the bleeding....
(this is only half of a page so far edited....more to come....)
........
........
10/9/2009: A four page rant of emotion including loss of control. Later creating a calm of the storm
(PAUSE 2,3) and adding understanding.
On a roll
Losing Control
This time is it worth paying the toll?
My heart sinking in and Compression begins
And As I thought I was over this
Feeling ah I’ll never miss
Your touch now so cold
Intentions too bold
And all these memories…. Faded and old
Lying right next to you
Nothing to do
Not at all AT ALL thought through
Take it back, that awful sight
The dreams awaking me each night
And yet I sit here and create
A brighter future, uncommon existence
Pure and innocent standing here,
waiting, dreaming, awake now, believing
,,, the past now receding
Any affection deceiving
on my knees dying, pleading
to help stop the bleeding....
(this is only half of a page so far edited....more to come....)
................Mesmerized by your mind
...wish I could just look inside
and see me and you
or at least your version
and while it could be a perversion
I believe it's true
Not even GOD himself can unglue
the obscenities and madness
and altogether sadness
yet we always get past this
and again I see it's true
forever me and you
No matter how hard
the world turns
How hard we have to learn
We make it through
to the death
me and you
And when you feel the pressure break
Your bones begin to crack and ache
Know I'm here for you
Love always....
....Me + You...
...wish I could just look inside
and see me and you
or at least your version
and while it could be a perversion
I believe it's true
Not even GOD himself can unglue
the obscenities and madness
and altogether sadness
yet we always get past this
and again I see it's true
forever me and you
No matter how hard
the world turns
How hard we have to learn
We make it through
to the death
me and you
And when you feel the pressure break
Your bones begin to crack and ache
Know I'm here for you
Love always....
....Me + You...
Reality VS Existence....?
My reality is quite fuzzy at this point
...unsure of what realm I'm within
existence... what is it?
cani t be found just anywhere?
I yearn to be existent
...but unsure if I'm prepared
The funny part is I said this
and all they did was stare
Little did they notice
...that you can find it anywhere
and little did they know this
it's all within our control
Reality vs. Existence
who can tell the difference?
Reality is what you make of it
and as for existence, well....
I constantly fake it
displace it
Fuck Reality.... Fuck Existence
fuck the person that wrote this very sentence
...someday you will understand.
Existence + Reality
...someday I believe you will understand.
My reality is quite fuzzy at this point
...unsure of what realm I'm within
existence... what is it?
cani t be found just anywhere?
I yearn to be existent
...but unsure if I'm prepared
The funny part is I said this
and all they did was stare
Little did they notice
...that you can find it anywhere
and little did they know this
it's all within our control
Reality vs. Existence
who can tell the difference?
Reality is what you make of it
and as for existence, well....
I constantly fake it
displace it
Fuck Reality.... Fuck Existence
fuck the person that wrote this very sentence
...someday you will understand.
Existence + Reality
...someday I believe you will understand.
Constant memories through this brain
Oh if I could only abstain
running faster and faster
....thoughts of here, now, after.
What will become of this....
...deep twirling abyss?
as the thoughts keep trickling
keep dripping down
You say I'm always constantly down
but it won't stop
like I'm stuck here forever
within this deep, dark soul
...no help to control
what's travling within
Trapped in this place, a constant disgrace
Can't see it by the look on my face?
"Your here and now could be your very after"
I look at you and say with laughter.
You glance back in style
...wondering all this while
"what became of this girl?"
"and why doesn't she ever smile?"
Oh if I could only abstain
running faster and faster
....thoughts of here, now, after.
What will become of this....
...deep twirling abyss?
as the thoughts keep trickling
keep dripping down
You say I'm always constantly down
but it won't stop
like I'm stuck here forever
within this deep, dark soul
...no help to control
what's travling within
Trapped in this place, a constant disgrace
Can't see it by the look on my face?
"Your here and now could be your very after"
I look at you and say with laughter.
You glance back in style
...wondering all this while
"what became of this girl?"
"and why doesn't she ever smile?"
