04 PM ...Most recent spoken word I've written. First time I've published it online at all, very sensitive subject for me so please be gentle with feedback however constructive criticism is ALWAYS welcome of course! I've already edited this like 20 times and it still doesn't feel right so.... here it is.
Can’t move again I’m frozen I’m dead Thought it was gone Ran it out of my head Two fuckin songs in a row Lost from memory ‘bout a decade or so Angry, tense… tears beginning to flow
Pushing the “Daddy’s never there” Instantly locked in this frozen stare Irrational thoughts, ideas, notions Silencing truth, worry, and care.
Yet 20 years later here I lye Begging for mercy… a better way to die All the while curious, wondering why? “I thought tough bitches didn’t cry”
(will write a verse or two to create a connection)
HOOK… 1x
*Let me lead you on into this poet’s next chapter and while my story continues on I’ll guarantee warm laughter …with suicide-stained emotions lingerin’ months, weeks, days after*
So now she’s walking through the door shit-eating grin coverin’ her face And that’s all it took, you’re done… she’s in Fucked situation and a wasted disgrace
…..Sittin’ u down at the table Settin’ a comfortable place…….
With unjustifiable gratification And uncontrollable salivation You’d kill for just one tiny taste and… Obsession bred for pure motivation Attaining the goal of pure penetration
HOOK… 2x
Sitting naked on the bed Staring at nothing for hours on end Asking you frantically how I got here …or if this nightmare will ever end?
Now this agonizing emotional baggage? …simply think of it as a care package Or a door-prize if you will, to some “Well Chuck let’s tell her what she’s won?”
A face still overrun with tears 10 unforgettable yet repressed years Reasons I still can’t look in the mirror Without anticipation grabbing me, screaming…. “Why the fuck am I still here?”
Can’t move again I’m frozen I’m dead Thought it was gone Ran it out of my head Two fuckin songs in a row Lost from memory ‘bout a decade or so Angry, tense… tears beginning to flow
Pushing the “Daddy’s never there” Instantly locked in this frozen stare Irrational thoughts, ideas, notions Silencing truth, worry, and care.
Yet 20 years later here I lye Begging for mercy… a better way to die All the while curious, wondering why? “I thought tough bitches didn’t cry”
(will write a verse or two to create a connection)
HOOK… 1x
*Let me lead you on into this poet’s next chapter and while my story continues on I’ll guarantee warm laughter …with suicide-stained emotions lingerin’ months, weeks, days after*
So now she’s walking through the door shit-eating grin coverin’ her face And that’s all it took, you’re done… she’s in Fucked situation and a wasted disgrace
…..Sittin’ u down at the table Settin’ a comfortable place…….
With unjustifiable gratification And uncontrollable salivation You’d kill for just one tiny taste and… Obsession bred for pure motivation Attaining the goal of pure penetration
HOOK… 2x
Sitting naked on the bed Staring at nothing for hours on end Asking you frantically how I got here …or if this nightmare will ever end?
Now this agonizing emotional baggage? …simply think of it as a care package Or a door-prize if you will, to some “Well Chuck let’s tell her what she’s won?”
A face still overrun with tears 10 unforgettable yet repressed years Reasons I still can’t look in the mirror Without anticipation grabbing me, screaming…. “Why the fuck am I still here?”
Merry Christmas to all my friends here on SG! Hope everyone's holiday was as blessed as mine! Time to snuggle with my love and watch some netflix......
So I was approved for hopeful status a while back but never submitted a set for member review..... I think im gonna give it another shot and maybe someday I will get to be a real sg 
A new book
First page
Looking for a new future
Brain spinnin outta my head
Thoughtless, mindless self endangerment
Mutilation of the soul
remind myself not so long ago
happiness unfantasized
just hopelesness I'd chastisized
Now pacing uncontrollably
with this presence of obsession
Dreaming into desintigration
That dream now lost and I might as well be dead
Mindless reckless endangerment
and I might as well be dead
Head spinning, tortured soul
and I might as well be dead
No longer a feeling within my control
and I might as well be dead
Faith now lost with this empty future
and I might as well be dead
....AND I MIGHT AS WELL.....
BE dead.
shpeecialz
First page
Looking for a new future
Brain spinnin outta my head
Thoughtless, mindless self endangerment
Mutilation of the soul
remind myself not so long ago
happiness unfantasized
just hopelesness I'd chastisized
Now pacing uncontrollably
with this presence of obsession
Dreaming into desintigration
That dream now lost and I might as well be dead
Mindless reckless endangerment
and I might as well be dead
Head spinning, tortured soul
and I might as well be dead
No longer a feeling within my control
and I might as well be dead
Faith now lost with this empty future
and I might as well be dead
....AND I MIGHT AS WELL.....
BE dead.
shpeecialz
In fear of ridicule
no self-expression
A selfish mind
tears of joy silenced
each day further deep down inside
how much longer will you tolerate me...
....follow me along this deceitful ride?
such a beautiful, simple truth
still fashioning synthetic emotions
erase all this infatuation from my mind
shpeecialzMasochist instinct and the embers of it's ruin
Now feeding the fire
Homicidal tendencies break free
Only to conspire
Now feeding the fire
Homicidal tendencies break free
Only to conspire
Wrote this on my "welcome guide" I was given in jail haha. Very rough but whatever it helped me vent on a lot of shit without having to scream at people
Relapsensational
subconscious soul-less thought-less control
the more i relapse the deeper the hole
overcompensation always to the extreme
anxiously awaiting the next best thing
Compromise sanity in exchange for nothing
and while seeking serenity in recklessness
these nightmares become my reality
waking up not as easy as it seemed
On this new roll
New possibilities, new goals
But I walk the other direction
Not ready to give up
Need to escape some more
Still have tricks in this bag
junkie traits to show
Each day harder to break away
The farther I travel
The less you'll have to say.
Relapsensational
subconscious soul-less thought-less control
the more i relapse the deeper the hole
overcompensation always to the extreme
anxiously awaiting the next best thing
Compromise sanity in exchange for nothing
and while seeking serenity in recklessness
these nightmares become my reality
waking up not as easy as it seemed
On this new roll
New possibilities, new goals
But I walk the other direction
Not ready to give up
Need to escape some more
Still have tricks in this bag
junkie traits to show
Each day harder to break away
The farther I travel
The less you'll have to say.
sent a few new pics to my boy toy in seattle... thought I'd share... check 'em under my photo tab
damn... just got out of jail last night after a two week stretch... now on house arrest. Gonna keep my laptop a lot of company in the meantime!
