So yea looks like I am just a damaged cast off yet again, I'm tired of trying it always ends in pain and misery. Fuck this maybe shes right and I am just white trash and good for nothing. Everything hurts and I can't seem to make heads or tails of my emotions right now. Inner peace is a pipe dream right now I can't meditate or concentrate. My heart is broken and I have no clue what to do, I feel like it will never be better. I feel betrayed and angry and i don't fucking know. She said she didn't want a relationship, she just left out the part about just not wanting one with me. I have been pierced tattooed poked and prodded in the interest of art beauty or medicine and none of it ever hurt this bad. I want to scream and cry and rage, but I know it's not allowed. Not because of any macho bullshit I am not ashamed to cry but because I know it won't do any good. This always happens, I manage to fix myself and fall for some broken lass with a sad smile, I help her feel better and fix whatever is wrong as best I can and in the end she breaks me again. I tried this time I even tried to change who and what I was but it was never good enough I was never good enough. I'm sorry I'm a punk and sag my pants, sorry I'm an anarchist and won't give all that up and grow up like it would do any good anyway. I just want to be me and loved for it, is that really so much to want? I don't know anymore, I really don't.