After 400 arguments over the script and three days of filming and VO work, the Ultimate Video Game Countdown show has finally wrapped. I think I can say with certainty that I never want to say another word about the hottest video games of 2004 ever again.
To my credit, the producer only had to cut twice because I was "openly mocking the show."
Afterwards, I went over to Flux's college for her crazy birthday dance party. Check the SGPDX group for some sexy ass photos.
The show is airing on January 2nd on MTV, and I can promise you at least one scene where I ravage a Super Mario Brother with my mouth.
To my credit, the producer only had to cut twice because I was "openly mocking the show."
Afterwards, I went over to Flux's college for her crazy birthday dance party. Check the SGPDX group for some sexy ass photos.
The show is airing on January 2nd on MTV, and I can promise you at least one scene where I ravage a Super Mario Brother with my mouth.
It's been awhile since I've touched Seanbaby.com, since when writing jokes is your day job, writing jokes in your free time is nuts.
Despite this, I just added a gigantic Seanbaby.com photo album with four pages of pictures starring Suicide Girls and Suicide Girls enthusiasts.
Clickity BAM
Despite this, I just added a gigantic Seanbaby.com photo album with four pages of pictures starring Suicide Girls and Suicide Girls enthusiasts.
Clickity BAM
I'm going to be down in San Francisco for about a week, so if anyone needs all or part of their face rocked during that time, that's where you need to get to.
I'm mainly going down to work out the details of an MTV special I'm doing later this month. One such detail is how many exposed breasts I'm going to require from their wardrobe department. Another might be how many endangered species are to be ground up to make my face cream. I'm not really sure; I don't work in TV very often.
The show, Currently Untitled MTV Special, is going to be in a race with a VH1 show I did a couple months ago, which during production was seriously called, "The Awesomest Show Ever." It's like I Love the 80's/70's only it's about cult pop culture shit. I was called in as a Super Friends/Zombie Film/Robot/Hostess Fruit Pie expert, and they toured my and Robert Rodriguez' homes for some sort of misguided Geek Cribs segment.
But good news for my mom and other me fans! If you can't wait through two long post production schedules to have me on your TV, you can always watch G4 where the commercial of me dressed like a biker and fighting their panda mascot runs 35 or 40 times a day. I hate to spoil the ending, but halfway through the fight, I forget where I am, start dancing, and get killed by its incredible panda strength.
I'm mainly going down to work out the details of an MTV special I'm doing later this month. One such detail is how many exposed breasts I'm going to require from their wardrobe department. Another might be how many endangered species are to be ground up to make my face cream. I'm not really sure; I don't work in TV very often.
The show, Currently Untitled MTV Special, is going to be in a race with a VH1 show I did a couple months ago, which during production was seriously called, "The Awesomest Show Ever." It's like I Love the 80's/70's only it's about cult pop culture shit. I was called in as a Super Friends/Zombie Film/Robot/Hostess Fruit Pie expert, and they toured my and Robert Rodriguez' homes for some sort of misguided Geek Cribs segment.
But good news for my mom and other me fans! If you can't wait through two long post production schedules to have me on your TV, you can always watch G4 where the commercial of me dressed like a biker and fighting their panda mascot runs 35 or 40 times a day. I hate to spoil the ending, but halfway through the fight, I forget where I am, start dancing, and get killed by its incredible panda strength.
I just added like a zillion photos to the My Pics section, including some of TV's most exciting stars and some of Suicide Girls' most exciting partiers.
My brother just called me to tell me a story of how his Marine intel unit were doing night recon with their IR camera and they saw an Iraqi soldier FUCKING A SHEEP. That made me so happy that as soon as I got off the phone I ordered him the video I've been meaning to buy for myself - Hollywood's Hottest Nude Scenes.
If you haven't seen the ad, it's basically the same tape you made when you were 13 - just the parts of movies where women took their tits out. There's also a bonus tape featuring Hollywood's hottest actresses "naked aaaand doing it!"
It was sold to me by an elderly asian woman who kept trying to upsell me on even hotter and wetter explicit action by reading hot, explicit copy to me in her elderly asian accent. It was a profoundly hilarious experience, and it only got funnier when after one three paragraph recital of hot explicitness I managed to stop giggling enough to say, "What?"
I had to cover the phone when she politely took five minutes to offer me "bonus footage of slutty wet tit" again. I may never know if the video's worth watching, but everyone should at least buy it.
If you haven't seen the ad, it's basically the same tape you made when you were 13 - just the parts of movies where women took their tits out. There's also a bonus tape featuring Hollywood's hottest actresses "naked aaaand doing it!"
It was sold to me by an elderly asian woman who kept trying to upsell me on even hotter and wetter explicit action by reading hot, explicit copy to me in her elderly asian accent. It was a profoundly hilarious experience, and it only got funnier when after one three paragraph recital of hot explicitness I managed to stop giggling enough to say, "What?"
I had to cover the phone when she politely took five minutes to offer me "bonus footage of slutty wet tit" again. I may never know if the video's worth watching, but everyone should at least buy it.
Two of my favorite things are super heroes and alcohol poisoning, and a few years ago I created a drinking game for the Super Friends. After thoroughly testing and refining it, I published it on Seanbaby.com. But yesterday, someone at Wireless Flash NEWS sent a review of it out to every media representative in the world along with my home phone number and email. And brilliant Irish and British radio DJ's didn't bother to do the time zone math before they started calling my answering machine at 4 in the god damn morning. I woke up to interview requests from an insane mix of wacky names and unintelligable accents like "The Gas-Man!", "Shamus Rubauubalauuah," and "Drivetime Hank!"
The last one I did for some UK evening show, I was so tired of talking about getting drunk to Apache Chief, I changed the subject to Mr. T and stayed on it for the rest of the interview, sucka.
What bugs me is that after all the poignant jokes I've made about fat people and how they want to eat things, why is it that me finding excuses to get drunk and watch cartoons at the same time is what captures the hearts of mankind?
The last one I did for some UK evening show, I was so tired of talking about getting drunk to Apache Chief, I changed the subject to Mr. T and stayed on it for the rest of the interview, sucka.
What bugs me is that after all the poignant jokes I've made about fat people and how they want to eat things, why is it that me finding excuses to get drunk and watch cartoons at the same time is what captures the hearts of mankind?
Publicly mocking Sea Monkeys has finally paid off! Some Sea Monkey administrator or whatever read my review of the criminally retarded Sea Monkeys video game and instead of sending me an angry letter, they sent me an executive Sea Monkeys set. It's this opulent gold plated monstrocity of finely crafted egg scoopers and beautifully detailed "Aqua Leashes." The Sea Monkeys included are still just a damn bag of fish-scented sand, though.
I've posted some of the pictures I took at this year's E3, but since I've already written six articles this week, I didn't put write any hilarious captions under them. So you'll have to figure out for yourself which guy with me is the Pride Fighting Championships #1 middleweight contender, Quinton "Rampage" Jackson, and which one is the tiny Japanese man that invented Donkey Kong.
Booyakasha, check it: E3 2003 Photos
I've posted some of the pictures I took at this year's E3, but since I've already written six articles this week, I didn't put write any hilarious captions under them. So you'll have to figure out for yourself which guy with me is the Pride Fighting Championships #1 middleweight contender, Quinton "Rampage" Jackson, and which one is the tiny Japanese man that invented Donkey Kong.
Booyakasha, check it: E3 2003 Photos
I'm heading down to LA this weekend to cover E3 for GMR magazine. (2001, 2000)They're sending me into the basement to report on the latest hot video games from Canada and Korea. To give you an idea of what that's going to be like, last year Canada was showing off an exciting educational game about waiting in line. And you can tell I didn't make that up because I would have added a helicopter that can turn into a speedboat. Also, although their games are in English, no one in Korea speaks or knows someone who speaks that language.
Wednesday I'm making my televised animal wrestling debut on G4 network when they bring me on for a guest appearance to kick the shit out of their panda suit mascot. And following the example I learned from my sixth rereading of Mr. T's autobiography, I've decided to get mean for the fight by eating nothing but onions. My smell might be making my eyes water, but now those same eyes are totally of the tiger.
If I live through the panda attack, I'll see most of you at prom next week.
Wednesday I'm making my televised animal wrestling debut on G4 network when they bring me on for a guest appearance to kick the shit out of their panda suit mascot. And following the example I learned from my sixth rereading of Mr. T's autobiography, I've decided to get mean for the fight by eating nothing but onions. My smell might be making my eyes water, but now those same eyes are totally of the tiger.
If I live through the panda attack, I'll see most of you at prom next week.
After I finish this lifesaving review of, and I swear to God, "Learn Gun Safety with Eddie Eagle, Hosted By Jason Priestley," I'm starting an extensive study of advice books written by models.
Maybe you can help me with my research. Did any models/sex symbols besides Vanna White and Kathy Ireland write self help books? Or maybe just books about how believing in yourself can turn your frown into rainbows?
Maybe you can help me with my research. Did any models/sex symbols besides Vanna White and Kathy Ireland write self help books? Or maybe just books about how believing in yourself can turn your frown into rainbows?
I'm back from an atomic piledriving weekend in Seattle. We met up with Torrie Wilson at the Cheesecake Factory and spent most of Friday clubbing with her. She introduced us to most of the wrestlers before she was helplessly distracted by the Somoan magnetism of The Rock.
I was fueled by Hulkamania just enough to get back to Portland in time to catch my flight to San Francisco, which is where I'm spending most of this month working on articles ranging in radness from breakdancing schools to Anime enthusiasts dressed like god damn cartoon characters.
I was fueled by Hulkamania just enough to get back to Portland in time to catch my flight to San Francisco, which is where I'm spending most of this month working on articles ranging in radness from breakdancing schools to Anime enthusiasts dressed like god damn cartoon characters.
