So why am I so sad? This is why:
At the end of the day, I injured myself. BADLY. I can't go into details, because I am so squimish about the injury, it makes me sick to think about. I cut into my finger and finger nail with a paper cutter while preparing some packaging to submit a formula to another customer. I am afraid of blood and I started screaming and covering my eyes and ran into a meeting in another room begging for first aid. The safety officer took me to the emergency room.
They gave me percocet to calm me down cause I was freaking out. The surgeon cut off half my fingernail so she can stitch the laceration below the nail. Three people had to hold me down while I got the surgery. It hurts so damn bad. I am out of work for one day and have to go back to the doctor on monday.
This injury is going to take forever to heal because nails take a long time to grow. I am in so much goddamn pain and I have been seeing stars all day. The tetinus shot in my arm is killing me. I can't do anything. I feel so awful and useless. I need my hands. I am a single, divorced mommy. I am a scientist. What am I supposed to do? Everyone needs me to depend on. This completely sucks. I feel so down because I am used to doing everything and now I need help and am in pain. The pain isn't the worst part, it's the feeling useless that is making me so sad. In addition, I am a girl. I am supposed to be pretty and if anyone saw my frankenstein finger, even the strongest stomach would throw the hell up. I don't want anyone to see me.
I am happy about my raise and my approvals, but this just plain sucks. Why can't I have one perfect day? bastards. I need to go lay down and marinate for a while. I need hugs.
love,
$choolgirl
xoxoxoxoxo
MAY 20, 2005 06:47 PM
*hugs*
wow.
cut through the nail?? omg id totally freak out too...i think i can take stuff like that pretty well but what i just read sent me
you're not useless...even if you didnt have that finger anymore, you still wouldn't be useless.
you're waaayyyy too smart and waaaayyyy too nice and caring to ever be anything even close to useless...since what you're thinking is way more powerful than what youre feeling. does that make any sense? to me it does...
[Edited on May 20, 2005 9:52PM]
MAY 20, 2005 06:50 PM
* HUG *
I'm so sorry.. I wish you weren't in pain and feeling useless. If I could afford it, I'd fly out there and be your manservent until you got better.
On a happier note.. I am very happy for you and proud of you for doing so well at work. I'm glad your hard work and general awesomeness is being appreciated 
MAY 20, 2005 07:08 PM
You're a strong girl!!! I the pain will go away tomorrow!! But here is a vitual hug!! hope this makes ya feel some what better ((((HUG))))
squidbizkit
I'm lost
March 2005
MAY 20, 2005 07:10 PM
MAY 20, 2005 07:20 PM
MAY 20, 2005 07:32 PM
ouch! to make it feel better
MAY 20, 2005 08:30 PM
MAY 20, 2005 10:27 PM
MAY 20, 2005 10:40 PM
MAY 20, 2005 10:42 PM
*HUGGLES*
Hon, you are not awful or useless. Slightly impaired maybe, but that's only temporary. I'm quite certain you'll be able to see this through. That injured finger will of course be a major pain in the ass, but I'm sure you'll find ways to work around it. You'll be fine sweets.
On another note, try to keep this in perspective: at least you still have a whole finger that will eventually heal and go back to normal. It could have been worse, you could have lost a huge part of it. A few hours ago I was watching The Yakuza Papers, which is about the Japanese Mafia. One gangster had to cut off his own pinky finger. This was/is a common ritual among the Yakuza for apologizing for failure or dishonor. That scene was not easy to watch let me tall ya. *shudders*
So keep your head up hon. You'll see this through. If things get to be too much, try to do a little something to pamper yourself when you have the time and/or money. After earning a huge raise like that, you've earned it! Take care!
MAY 21, 2005 01:58 AM
MAY 21, 2005 02:07 AM
So sorry to hear about the finger - 
Yikes!
I know what it's like to feel stressed about all the things you can't do - and they need to be done - dammit! 
I broke my collarbone a while back, and had to have my arm in a sling - my right arm! I was totally useless - couldn't even write!! Pain has a way of magnifying everything, making it all seem a whole lot worse than it really is.......
So my advice? First - manage the pain. Take your drugs! Don't worry about getting too groggy or sleepy from them, right now!
Second - Ask for help from those around you - they will come through for you, don't be afraid to ask!! And....Third - Try to stop worrying about tomorrow. Live in the moment for now - take it one day at a time - and try to RELAX.........
This too, shall pass......
Hope this helps you - 
Love to you, and your little girl!!
MAY 21, 2005 03:50 AM
MAY 21, 2005 05:30 AM
OUCH!!
Sorry about your digit....and your pain
hope all is better soon.
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