well, i think i am about to go grey because my really long membership seems to be up and i don't think i should be spending money on this when i need to move soon.

in the meantime, let's talk about the smelly air that exists because my nose isn't frozen and stuff & the chirpy birds & the muddy grass & the honking cars. spring is so close i could puke!

i've got some kind of disease thaat makes people fall in love with me when they shouldn't, others maaintain indifference when i'm availaable to them & make those same aassholes decide i am their soulmate when i walk away.
i think the disease is called 'im a human.' it's pretty annoying.

the a is broke on my computer.

i'm 30, i aam relieved thana motherrr to not be in my 20's anymore.
i got a sweet owl tattoo from my best friend and my mom found the book she got my name from after 29 yeaars of telling me "it's from a book i can't remember what one." dude, totally symbolic.
and an equally sweet visit from aa friend.

things would be very pleasant if i knew how to deal with midwest winters properly.

what do you do when someone holds a giant part of your heart


... no

almost all of your heart


{&this is the mushiest i will ever be}

and you feel indifferent?
like been in love with them for 12 years but unsure you want to be with them.

maybe i'm just too nostalgic. or stubborn. or stupid.


weird.

holy shit my brother is going to be here in 5 days!

oh boy i love him

holy shit today i got a big desk with a box of jason bath crap and a blackberry on it. well, those were my highlights, there was other stuff on it too. that i didn't care about as much.

that's the most comfort i've had career-wise in about 5 years. i am home and my back doesn't hurt, i'm not exhausted and i'm not thinking of how many ways i could punch a person in the face.

it's good.

i'm still an asshole when i drink, but i guess i'm an asshole when i'm not drinking. i still miss the shit out 'home', wherever that is and i am still wondering why i moved back to a place that has winters.
maybe some people think i'm fucking insane, but seattle winters are awesome.

all in the matter of a week i got an awesome job {and because i live in this universe, after not being to even get 1 interview for 4 months i am now getting numerous calls from recruiters and a job offer from the government after they initially turned me down},
an ipod {uh i guess i'm late on that one},
went home for the first time in almost a year {weird},
got an awesome owl painting that was found in the garbage from my bestest friend,
decided that chicago might be ok
& also decided that drinking makes me a really awful person sometimes.

it's been a more eventful than that, but i'm about the synopses lately.

SERIOUSLY , 2 times this week i've been propositioned by a someone for dating or otherwise & when i have not replied w/in a day i get a follow-up email stating that i could've at least said 'no'. of course, you put yourself out there you deserve a no. but give me a COUPLE FUCKING DAYS. actually, maybe i'd been interested but after you act like a needy loser, not so much. weird.

i keep encountering new strange situations that i've never dealt with before , repeatedly, i guess the universe it making it plain that i got things to learn. apparently everyone around has things to learn as well, because i keep having to check these assholes.

chicago, cold.

job interview monday, please go well for the sake of my sanity.

new lemon zester, awesome.

cat chewing on my the charger cord for my ibook, electrocuting himself and creating a power surge in the entire apartment, not so cool. the cat is fine, my charger is not. the cat smelled like burning for a day and he has no whiskers and it is really hilarious because he is fine. i would've felt bad and sad if he had gotten hurt. living with animals again even if they are not mine, good.

feeling sick, not so cool. taking ibuprofen everyday for weeks to kill fevers, not awesome. being able to call in to work for the first time in 6 months, awesome.

the jay stay paid print, sick. i just wish i could figure out if the artist, either artist, gets any money for it if i buy it from imagekind. anyone know if they're legit?

peanut butter wolf, sick brah. didn't care for the last show w/ the dvd scratching though. definitely was digging being at a hip hop show in chicago much more than seattle.

missing seattle, not sick. it makes me feel sad and bad. my favoritest girl, why so far away? sunday cafe job with the dudes, can you please be in chicago? seattle winter, why aren't you here? VEGAN DIM SUM YOU TAUNT ME IN MY SLEEP

maaaan

my room is brown and red, i like it.
my favorite bar being 2 blocks away, i like it.

whoa dude i hate my job so much. it's making me extra hateful and i have no life because i have such stupid hours, i'm not making enough money and i hate it. i want to punch myself in the face. the end.

p.s. alton brown and capuccino truffles are making things somewhat bearable. the end.