My girlfriend got my a thong for Christmas. I'm not saying I love her, but I love her, you know what I'm saying?
I also got a badass Hendrix t-shirt.
I also got a badass Hendrix t-shirt.
Movie Reviews!!!
Okay, so I've seen 2 new movies in the past couple weeks. Here are my reviews.
----------------------------
Rush Hour 3. I'm not sure there's really a void of bad press for this movie, but I felt I had to weigh in on this. This movie was so atrocious, I really have to condense the movie into my personal synopsis. Here be spoilers.
Act 1
----------
Scene 1
------------
Lee: Hey, I'm protecting Han. Badass.
Elsewhere
Carter: Damn, I'm a really bad traffic cop. Fuck, I caused a (massive) wreck. I'm gonna let this black dude off, and then extort these two girls into a date with Lee and me. I'll call Lee.
Lee: Hey, don't call me, I'm protecting Han.
A little while later
Ambassador: I'm the villain, but you won't know that till later. Here's Han!
Han: Okay, the Triad leader is... ow, fuck someone shot me.
Lee: Balls! Lemme leap out of the 40th story and catch the perp!
Elsewhere
Carter: Shit! I hear about it on the radio! Hey girls-I'm-dating-later, I'm stealing your car. And look there's Lee! Let's follow!
Soon
Lee: Hey fucker, stop.
Shinji: Hey Lee, remember like, when we were best friends?
Lee: NOOOOOOOOOOO! (Vader-esque)
Shinji: *gets away*
Scene 2
--------------
Police Chief: Carter, eat a big bag of dick.
Carter: My bad.
Lee: Let's go see Han.
Soon
Soo Yung: OMG, you guys are here. Thanks. Kill that fucker, kay? And go look in my locker in Chinatown, where I'm now a badass martial arts teacher.
Carter: I want to put my penis in you.
Scene 3
------------
Carter: Gimme the damn locker, bitch.
Dojo dude: Wait, the master needs to okay that.
Carter: Fuck you, you're small and Asian and I have a gun. Lemme go back here.
Giant asian dude: Grrr.
Carter: Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! *ass handed to him*
Lee: Yeah, same here.
Dojo master: *walks in* I'm blind master Yu.
Carter: Gimme Soo Yung's stuff.
Dojo master: Nah, these dudes took it.
Lee and Carter: Balls, Soo Yung's in trouble.
Back at hospital
Everyone: A plot is afoot.
Action happens.
Lee and Carter: There are clues that say we need to go to France.
Act 2
-------------
Scene 1
-------------
French police: Haha, cavity searches!
Carter: Ow. Let's go to this house of ill repute.
Lee: Ow. You suck.
Carter: No, for real, look at the address.
Lee: That is significant. Let's get a taxi.
Cabbie: No, I don't like Americans, you're violent.
Carter: I'll shoot you.
Cabbie: Where to?
Scene 2
------------
Carter: I see a hot vagina-possessor, brb.
at the bar
Lee: Where's the bad guy?
Random asian lady: *gives off bad vibes* I'll tell you, cop.
Lee: Cool.
upstairs
Random asian lady: Just kidding. Die.
fight happens, Carter listens outside and thinks they are fucking
Lee and Carter: Let's get out of here!
soon
Lee and Carter: Shit, we're caught.
Shinji: Hey Lee.
Lee: We were best friends as kids.
Shinji: I know, lol. And now I'm a bad guy. Hey gang, kill em.
Carter and Lee: *escape*
Scene 3
------------
Ambassador: *randomly appears in their hotel room* Hey, go talk to Genevieve, she'll give you vital info.
at some fashion show
Carter: That's the hot vagina-possessor from earlier.
Lee: Hey, woman, let's go.
Genevieve: No.
Triads: *fire guns*
Genevieve: Kay.
Scene 4
-------------
Carter: We saved you.
Genevieve: Yeah, let's bang.
Carter: Something's weird.
Random asian lady from earlier who is apparently an assassin: Shit, I gotta leave.
Genevieve: Yeah, they're after me. Look. *takes off wig* My tattoo has the names of the Triad heads.
Carter: Wait, you have no hair? That means you have a cock and I am no longer interested.
Cabbie: Hey guys, come stay at my place. Assassins are bad news. By the way, Americans rock, and I wanna be a super-spy.
Scene 5
-------------
Ambassador: So, she IS the list? Cool. Take off the wig and lemme see.
Lee: We didn't tell him that. Shit!
Ambassador: Haha, I am the villain. The phone's gonna ring.
Phone: Ring.
Lee: Hello?
Phone/Shinji: Hey, I have Soo Yung. Bring Genevieve to a tower, and have no one else with you.
Lee: Balls.
Act 3
----------
Scene 1
--------------
Watchers: They're here.
Shinji: Badass.
Lee: Hey Shinji.
Shinji: Hey look, there's Soo Yung hanging outside from a rope. So, Triads do this 100 cuts thing. Here's your first. *cut* Lol.
Lee and Shinji: Battle!
Genevieve: *takes off wig and it's Carter* LOL! *fights other Triads*
Lee and Shinji: No, we're falling! Awesome, a suicide net!
Shinji's sword: Fuck the suicide net! *cuts*
Carter: I'll save you!
Shinji: Don't save me. *falls*
back up top
Carter: Haha, I kicked all yalls asses. Oh no, Soo Yung.
Soo Yung: HAAAAAAAALP!
Carter: I got ya!
Assassin lady: No, you don't!
Carter: Soo Yuuuuuuung!
Assassin lady: Oh no, I am dead.
Lee, Carter, and Soo Yung: *get down from the tower amongst hails of bullet fire, via a jury-rigged parachute of some kind*
Ambassador: Haha, I caught you.
Cabbie: Haha, I kill the ambassador.
Ambassador: Balls.
French police: Hey, good work solving everything, we're gonna take credit for it!
Lee and Carter: Yeah... about that.... *punch in the face, dance in the street*
Credits: *roll*
----------------------------------
Absolute shit. And this fucking waste of 8 of my dwindling hard-earned Subway dollars was an hour and 15 minutes long. Good thing I was drunk.
Superbad, though, kicked major ass. I'll tell of it later, because Rush Hour 3 took way longer than I thought.
Okay, so I've seen 2 new movies in the past couple weeks. Here are my reviews.
----------------------------
Rush Hour 3. I'm not sure there's really a void of bad press for this movie, but I felt I had to weigh in on this. This movie was so atrocious, I really have to condense the movie into my personal synopsis. Here be spoilers.
Act 1
----------
Scene 1
------------
Lee: Hey, I'm protecting Han. Badass.
Elsewhere
Carter: Damn, I'm a really bad traffic cop. Fuck, I caused a (massive) wreck. I'm gonna let this black dude off, and then extort these two girls into a date with Lee and me. I'll call Lee.
Lee: Hey, don't call me, I'm protecting Han.
A little while later
Ambassador: I'm the villain, but you won't know that till later. Here's Han!
Han: Okay, the Triad leader is... ow, fuck someone shot me.
Lee: Balls! Lemme leap out of the 40th story and catch the perp!
Elsewhere
Carter: Shit! I hear about it on the radio! Hey girls-I'm-dating-later, I'm stealing your car. And look there's Lee! Let's follow!
Soon
Lee: Hey fucker, stop.
Shinji: Hey Lee, remember like, when we were best friends?
Lee: NOOOOOOOOOOO! (Vader-esque)
Shinji: *gets away*
Scene 2
--------------
Police Chief: Carter, eat a big bag of dick.
Carter: My bad.
Lee: Let's go see Han.
Soon
Soo Yung: OMG, you guys are here. Thanks. Kill that fucker, kay? And go look in my locker in Chinatown, where I'm now a badass martial arts teacher.
Carter: I want to put my penis in you.
Scene 3
------------
Carter: Gimme the damn locker, bitch.
Dojo dude: Wait, the master needs to okay that.
Carter: Fuck you, you're small and Asian and I have a gun. Lemme go back here.
Giant asian dude: Grrr.
Carter: Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! *ass handed to him*
Lee: Yeah, same here.
Dojo master: *walks in* I'm blind master Yu.
Carter: Gimme Soo Yung's stuff.
Dojo master: Nah, these dudes took it.
Lee and Carter: Balls, Soo Yung's in trouble.
Back at hospital
Everyone: A plot is afoot.
Action happens.
Lee and Carter: There are clues that say we need to go to France.
Act 2
-------------
Scene 1
-------------
French police: Haha, cavity searches!
Carter: Ow. Let's go to this house of ill repute.
Lee: Ow. You suck.
Carter: No, for real, look at the address.
Lee: That is significant. Let's get a taxi.
Cabbie: No, I don't like Americans, you're violent.
Carter: I'll shoot you.
Cabbie: Where to?
Scene 2
------------
Carter: I see a hot vagina-possessor, brb.
at the bar
Lee: Where's the bad guy?
Random asian lady: *gives off bad vibes* I'll tell you, cop.
Lee: Cool.
upstairs
Random asian lady: Just kidding. Die.
fight happens, Carter listens outside and thinks they are fucking
Lee and Carter: Let's get out of here!
soon
Lee and Carter: Shit, we're caught.
Shinji: Hey Lee.
Lee: We were best friends as kids.
Shinji: I know, lol. And now I'm a bad guy. Hey gang, kill em.
Carter and Lee: *escape*
Scene 3
------------
Ambassador: *randomly appears in their hotel room* Hey, go talk to Genevieve, she'll give you vital info.
at some fashion show
Carter: That's the hot vagina-possessor from earlier.
Lee: Hey, woman, let's go.
Genevieve: No.
Triads: *fire guns*
Genevieve: Kay.
Scene 4
-------------
Carter: We saved you.
Genevieve: Yeah, let's bang.
Carter: Something's weird.
Random asian lady from earlier who is apparently an assassin: Shit, I gotta leave.
Genevieve: Yeah, they're after me. Look. *takes off wig* My tattoo has the names of the Triad heads.
Carter: Wait, you have no hair? That means you have a cock and I am no longer interested.
Cabbie: Hey guys, come stay at my place. Assassins are bad news. By the way, Americans rock, and I wanna be a super-spy.
Scene 5
-------------
Ambassador: So, she IS the list? Cool. Take off the wig and lemme see.
Lee: We didn't tell him that. Shit!
Ambassador: Haha, I am the villain. The phone's gonna ring.
Phone: Ring.
Lee: Hello?
Phone/Shinji: Hey, I have Soo Yung. Bring Genevieve to a tower, and have no one else with you.
Lee: Balls.
Act 3
----------
Scene 1
--------------
Watchers: They're here.
Shinji: Badass.
Lee: Hey Shinji.
Shinji: Hey look, there's Soo Yung hanging outside from a rope. So, Triads do this 100 cuts thing. Here's your first. *cut* Lol.
Lee and Shinji: Battle!
Genevieve: *takes off wig and it's Carter* LOL! *fights other Triads*
Lee and Shinji: No, we're falling! Awesome, a suicide net!
Shinji's sword: Fuck the suicide net! *cuts*
Carter: I'll save you!
Shinji: Don't save me. *falls*
back up top
Carter: Haha, I kicked all yalls asses. Oh no, Soo Yung.
Soo Yung: HAAAAAAAALP!
Carter: I got ya!
Assassin lady: No, you don't!
Carter: Soo Yuuuuuuung!
Assassin lady: Oh no, I am dead.
Lee, Carter, and Soo Yung: *get down from the tower amongst hails of bullet fire, via a jury-rigged parachute of some kind*
Ambassador: Haha, I caught you.
Cabbie: Haha, I kill the ambassador.
Ambassador: Balls.
French police: Hey, good work solving everything, we're gonna take credit for it!
Lee and Carter: Yeah... about that.... *punch in the face, dance in the street*
Credits: *roll*
----------------------------------
Absolute shit. And this fucking waste of 8 of my dwindling hard-earned Subway dollars was an hour and 15 minutes long. Good thing I was drunk.
Superbad, though, kicked major ass. I'll tell of it later, because Rush Hour 3 took way longer than I thought.
--- I keep expecting to see a giant robot skating by.---
Okay, so.. Transformers. I saw it, I jizzed myself, I was left panting and splayed out like a $2 hooker.
That said, here are my beefs.
- Numero 1, the soundtrack blew ass. I remember the soundtrack from the cartoon movie from the 80's - cheesed out 80's metal, some Weird Al thrown in for good measure, and just all around, fuckin badass. It fit. This new-fangled soundtrack? Weak. They didn't even play the fucking theme song once. They had Linkin Park's new single for the song at the ending credits. What the flying fuck? Get Linkin Park to do a badass cover of the theme song and play that. I'd be down. Or, better yet, play the Lion cover from the old Transformers movie. That would have made my year.
- They didn't use the original transformation sound effects. The iconic transformation sound effects. This is only assuaged by the fact that the transformations sequences were longer, more articulated, and all-told, a trip to watch.
- BumbleBee peed on a dude. What the fuck, Michael Bay?
- BumbleBee is a fucking perv. Bamchickabowwow music for Sam? And the scene at the end was just a little more than creepy. Those who've seen it, dis/agree?
- They made Devastator a single Deceptacon, who was not monstrous and/or hard-ass. He was kinda cool, with the tank form, and the long, drawn-out death, but he was not hard-ass.
- Here be SPOILERS
V
V
V
//////////////////////////////
//////////////////////////////
/////////////////////////////
They killed Jazz. Why Jazz? WHY JAZZ?? The coolest one of the group, with the jive-talking and the breakdancing, and they fucking killed him with a one-liner and a 2-second ripping him in half scene. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck, I'm pissed.
//////////////////////////////
///////////////////////////////
//////////////////////////////
^
^
^
Okay, so, other than those issues, I am immensely happy they made this film, and I don't feel that Michael Bay fucked up the works that bad, all you elitist pricks who've hated on him since day 1 of hearing he was helming the flick. So, balls to you, and....
TILL ALL ARE ONE!
Okay, so.. Transformers. I saw it, I jizzed myself, I was left panting and splayed out like a $2 hooker.
That said, here are my beefs.
- Numero 1, the soundtrack blew ass. I remember the soundtrack from the cartoon movie from the 80's - cheesed out 80's metal, some Weird Al thrown in for good measure, and just all around, fuckin badass. It fit. This new-fangled soundtrack? Weak. They didn't even play the fucking theme song once. They had Linkin Park's new single for the song at the ending credits. What the flying fuck? Get Linkin Park to do a badass cover of the theme song and play that. I'd be down. Or, better yet, play the Lion cover from the old Transformers movie. That would have made my year.
- They didn't use the original transformation sound effects. The iconic transformation sound effects. This is only assuaged by the fact that the transformations sequences were longer, more articulated, and all-told, a trip to watch.
- BumbleBee peed on a dude. What the fuck, Michael Bay?
- BumbleBee is a fucking perv. Bamchickabowwow music for Sam? And the scene at the end was just a little more than creepy. Those who've seen it, dis/agree?
- They made Devastator a single Deceptacon, who was not monstrous and/or hard-ass. He was kinda cool, with the tank form, and the long, drawn-out death, but he was not hard-ass.
- Here be SPOILERS
V
V
V
//////////////////////////////
//////////////////////////////
/////////////////////////////
They killed Jazz. Why Jazz? WHY JAZZ?? The coolest one of the group, with the jive-talking and the breakdancing, and they fucking killed him with a one-liner and a 2-second ripping him in half scene. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck, I'm pissed.
//////////////////////////////
///////////////////////////////
//////////////////////////////
^
^
^
Okay, so, other than those issues, I am immensely happy they made this film, and I don't feel that Michael Bay fucked up the works that bad, all you elitist pricks who've hated on him since day 1 of hearing he was helming the flick. So, balls to you, and....
TILL ALL ARE ONE!
Have any of you ever heard a song from the 20's called "The Fort Worth Stomp?" It's the dog's balls, and some friends and I are making the update.
"The New Fort Worth Stomp," coming soon, brought to you by MC Timebomb, Pimp Doubt, and DJ Detonate.
"The New Fort Worth Stomp," coming soon, brought to you by MC Timebomb, Pimp Doubt, and DJ Detonate.
--- This Type Love---
www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5WgmbMW7Ek
--------------
I wanna love like, me thinkin of you thinkin of me thinkin of you type love or, me tellin my friends more than I've ever admitted to myself about how I feel about you type love or, hating how jealous you are but loving how much you want me all to yourself type love or, seein how your first name just sounds so good next to my last name and shit!
I wanted to see how far I could without callin you and I barely made it outta my garage.
See, I wanna love that makes me wait until she falls asleep then wonder if she's dreamin about us being in love type love or, who loves the other more or, what she's doin at this exact moment or, slow-dancin in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts, closin my eyes and imagining how a love so good could just.. hurt so much when she's not there.
And shit, I just love not knowin where this love is headed type love.
And check this - I wanna place those little post-it notes all around the house in case she ever forgets how much I love her type love and, not havin enough ink in my pen to write all there is to love about her type love and, hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel and, I want a deal with my friends, makin fun of me the way I made fun of them when they went through the same kinda love type love.
Only difference is, this is one of those real love type loves, and just like in high school? I wanna spend hours on the phone not saying shit and then fall asleep and wake up and, it's her! Right next to me! Smell her all up in my covers type love, man!
I wanna count the ways I love her then, lose count in the middle and just have to start all over again and, I wanna celebrate one of those one-month anniversaries (even thought they ain't really anniversaries) but doin it just cuz it makes her happy type love and...
Check this. I wanna fall in love with the melody the phone plays when her number's dialed into it type love and, talk to you until I lose my breath, she leaves me breathless! But with the expanding of my lungs I, ssssssss, inhale all of her back into me.
I want a love that makes me need to change my cell-phone calling plan to something that allows me to talk to her longer cuz, in all honesty! I wanna avoid one of them high cell phone bill type loves.
And I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are. I mean, the lines in my palm don't give me enough time to love you as long as I like to type love and, I wanna love that makes me st-st-stutter just thinking about how strong this love is type love and, I wanna love that makes me wanna cut off all my hair. Well... maybe not all of the hair, maybe like I, I.. cut the split ends and trim my mustache, but it would still be a symbol of how strong my love is for her!
And check this! I kinda feel comfortable now so, I even be fantasizin about walkin out on a green light just dyin to get hit by a car just so I can lose my memory, get transported to some third-world country just to get treated and then, somehow meet up again with you so I can fall in love with you in a different language so I can see if it still feels the same type love or...
I wanna love that's as unexpainable as she is. But I'm married, so, she's gonna be the one I share this love with. Thank you.
- Shihan
www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5WgmbMW7Ek
--------------
I wanna love like, me thinkin of you thinkin of me thinkin of you type love or, me tellin my friends more than I've ever admitted to myself about how I feel about you type love or, hating how jealous you are but loving how much you want me all to yourself type love or, seein how your first name just sounds so good next to my last name and shit!
I wanted to see how far I could without callin you and I barely made it outta my garage.
See, I wanna love that makes me wait until she falls asleep then wonder if she's dreamin about us being in love type love or, who loves the other more or, what she's doin at this exact moment or, slow-dancin in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts, closin my eyes and imagining how a love so good could just.. hurt so much when she's not there.
And shit, I just love not knowin where this love is headed type love.
And check this - I wanna place those little post-it notes all around the house in case she ever forgets how much I love her type love and, not havin enough ink in my pen to write all there is to love about her type love and, hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel and, I want a deal with my friends, makin fun of me the way I made fun of them when they went through the same kinda love type love.
Only difference is, this is one of those real love type loves, and just like in high school? I wanna spend hours on the phone not saying shit and then fall asleep and wake up and, it's her! Right next to me! Smell her all up in my covers type love, man!
I wanna count the ways I love her then, lose count in the middle and just have to start all over again and, I wanna celebrate one of those one-month anniversaries (even thought they ain't really anniversaries) but doin it just cuz it makes her happy type love and...
Check this. I wanna fall in love with the melody the phone plays when her number's dialed into it type love and, talk to you until I lose my breath, she leaves me breathless! But with the expanding of my lungs I, ssssssss, inhale all of her back into me.
I want a love that makes me need to change my cell-phone calling plan to something that allows me to talk to her longer cuz, in all honesty! I wanna avoid one of them high cell phone bill type loves.
And I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are. I mean, the lines in my palm don't give me enough time to love you as long as I like to type love and, I wanna love that makes me st-st-stutter just thinking about how strong this love is type love and, I wanna love that makes me wanna cut off all my hair. Well... maybe not all of the hair, maybe like I, I.. cut the split ends and trim my mustache, but it would still be a symbol of how strong my love is for her!
And check this! I kinda feel comfortable now so, I even be fantasizin about walkin out on a green light just dyin to get hit by a car just so I can lose my memory, get transported to some third-world country just to get treated and then, somehow meet up again with you so I can fall in love with you in a different language so I can see if it still feels the same type love or...
I wanna love that's as unexpainable as she is. But I'm married, so, she's gonna be the one I share this love with. Thank you.
- Shihan
JANUARY 2008
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DECEMBER 2007
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OCTOBER 2007
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