hi there! this is going over my computer in my office.



for the following type conversations:

stupids- "blah blah abladdity-blah, nonsenity blah blah"
me- " wait...what? ohhhhh! i'm so sorry, i didn't realize when we began this conversation that you were an idiot"

happens so often i've decided to share my favorite work moments with you. it's horribly unprofessional of me, but i'm also vastly underpaid so i think it evens out. the following is an *actual* conversation:


Guy Half of Couple Scheduled To Move In Today (text)- "so sorry but it doesn't look like we'll be taking the apartment. how can we get our security back?"

Me (over phone )- "i've held that apartment for you for 30 days, you were supposed to move in today, the sec. is non-refundable. may i ask why you aren't taking it?"

Guy- " oh um, me an my girlfriend broke up so um we won't be needing that apartment but i really need that security deposit back..."

(I offer to call owners and see if they are interested in refunding this money. turns out they aren't)

Guy (text) " Can i get my money back?"

Me (text) "no, it's non- refundable, i'm sorry i couldn't be of more help to you"

(half an hour later)

Guy (text) "DAT'S OK. now that i'm single can we go get a cup of coffee? lol"

Me, in real life:


(5 hours pass till i get the following evening text)

"HI, this is David's WIFE. we decided to take the apartment despite what david might have told you"

look for future installments of sarah's life. like episode #13- 'Dancing Hooker' and episode #26- 'Rapist Applies for Apartment' and the-not-to-be-missed #468- instructional video, 'How to Use An Intercom'.