Thanks to whoever sponsored me back into existence

Jeckyl and Hyde.

That's he only way to describe the night that I have just had. It started off great - really chilled out seeing four great local bands in an ancient church. Cold, but atmospheric.

And then....

The walk onto a bar after the gig changed everything. This is kinda like Lost Season 4 changing everything. I was wih two friends and a large group were ahead of us - one of the two I was with needed to get some money from an ATM....but as he walked down towards it, it all kicked off. He was safe - not involved at all, but the sickening primal instincts of drunken "men" took hold and before you knew it there was a man lying prone on the floor with his head bleeding profusely.

I just clicked into action - one friend attended to him before I ran screaming for a qualified first aider - two ladies ran to help. My friend was calling for police and an ambulance, but I was looking into the centre for any on "pub duty"....there were none.

So, I went back - went into a bar and got a towel for the guys head and came out. By this point, the police were there. Five police for what was still an aggressive gathering. I made sure the guy was okay, and then redirected a string of cars and taxis back down the road as this shit wasn't going to clear quickly. I noticed that the towel I'd got was full of blood (the guy was speaking by now, though not exactly coherently) so I asked the police if they had a fresh one....they didn't, which was fucking shocking to be honest.

And then.....then Iwas fucking violated. Well, my mind was.....some utter cunt threatened me. Not an off the cuff run of the mill threat but a violent threat....something that was meant to make me feel afraid of him, to fear for my safety. And, it worked.....even with a policeman right behind me I felt that he was prepared to go for me.

Stupidly, I stood up to him....silent....hardly menacing but acknowledging him. Thankfully, my friend (6'5") got in front of me and took me away. I think I was just shocked into being a statue to this guy. After my friend took me away, all of us left - without giving a statement because of the immediate threat of having our faces imprinted on the memories of these violent wankers that probably had something to do with this guy lying prone on the floor....this guy lying prone that I'd helped/....possibly even helped save his life.....this guy that had apparently got his head kicked in because he racially abused someone.

This world is fucking mental and tonight was a perfect example as to why it should be law that all alcohol must be sold with a 25% sedative content.

Ha!

No, nothing really. This week has been all about sports and money. Spending money I don't have watching sports that I care about. In the end, the team I love (Man Utd) got through to the European Cup final and won their league match to gain the advantage....and my local team got relegated to a league they've never been in during their 120 year history.

Sport sucks, basically.

But, despite the disappontment of today I still have a positive outlook.....I've basically just seen The Science of Sleep and realised that I just don't confront my own feelings and act upon them. I've pussyfooted around not telling the girl that I really like how I feel about her. Today, whilst I didn't splash out my feelings, I made them more obvious and basically I'll just have to see how things go.....but at least I kind of made my feelings known without actually saying them

So....dinner later this week....


Watch this space!!!!

ultimately, cheese happens....and I curdle at the thought it may not.
it's like this - all is fine in love, war and work.
cool?
right?
yeah?
sorta?
ok....what's up?
not much.
it's good.
better than most people have - ie. i got an incremental pay increase this month. next month i get 3.0% and in october i get another 3.5%. it's locked down and really fucking good.
except?
but?
okay....i should be graded higher.
why?
i'm a grade c.....and i should be top end of grade d - almost an e. but i'm not.
why?
okay, medical problems last year that are all done and dusted.
so....why not?
because
because
because
all because my boss wants me and a colleague - who does the same job, except i do all the departmental finance, co-ordinate the health and safety, initiaite new projects in the building, manage archiving and generally guide her and train her on all she needs to know for the job.
so yeah, we do the same job.......
it's annoying really, and i apprecizte that i dug my own grave in certain extents as i know i took the piss a touch last year....but, the last 6 months i have really applied myself and cleary demonstrated that i am invaluable to the team ethos right now.
my appraisal is in 3 months and i need to make it clear that i am not entirely happy with the equal status as it is because i know that there are things that i cannot pass to her when i'm away as i know they won't get done.

as for now....i just got back from a good night out with colleagues!
far too much to drink.
but fuck it.
it's Saturday tomorrow.
they'll never learn!

LOL

i never blog anymore.....i don't know why. just have no urge, i guess. probably why i'm not even bothering to capitalise this shit. guess my heart ain't really in it and i'm showing no apparent conviction in conveying what i've done/thought/etc.

or maybe it's because nothing has really happened at all.

CLUE: The latter is VERY likely.

Yeah.....basically, I've been plugging away at the 9-2-5 and working towards my impending holiday to Barcelona for the Primavera festival. I cannot fucking wait for that as Barcelona is my favbourite place on this planet.....well....that I've visited so far.

So, that's like 5 weeks away and I am counting down the days, hours, minutes etc, At work, especially.....much to the visible chagrin of my colleagues who are apparently not going away this summer.....

Really though, nothing has happened in the lat few months. Sure, the same old shit of friends breaking up, friends basically asking which side you are on and then two-faced "others" (see earlier blog posts) basically trying to get in the guys pants whilst consoling the girl by saying what a bastard the guy is....

HEAD/WALL

But this shit happens....and happened it has. He's got a new girlfriend (the singer in his band) and she's.....well....she's got a couple of kittens which should stop her from attacking him outside his house. Which is basically what I told her categorically NOT to do.

In between all that, I've been living my own life in some sub-microcosm that I call my own existence. Sadly, that's been about as exciting as the playoffs have been for the Toronto Maple Leafs these last three seasons......

Not that I'm bored or anything.....well, maybe a little....but maybe after my holiday I can splash out a little and have some fun....OH LOOK.....I have to go to my sister's for her birthday, entertain my parents the week after, visit my cousin two weeks later, act as a roadie/guitar tuner for a friend's band a few weeks after that, then go to a friend's wedding the week after......

In between all that, I'm supposed to try and do things for myself....one thing being trying to find a girlfriend....!!!!


I hope that whoever she is she appreciates what little time my friends may allow her to have with me....

Why am I always sick with flu or something at the beginning of the year?
Oh well, maybe it is my crazy immune system saying that the Christmas holiday just wasn't long enough. Stupid immune system - get the fuck over it, you're a slave now.....live with it, deal with it.

So, what's happened this week? Nothing really....I've (perhaps) stupidly agreed to do a stand up comedy set by the end of the year. The comedy night I go down to generally has themeless comedians, one liners about their "lives"....so, I'll probably stick to the same drill and throw in a couple of stories. I've come up with about 3 to 4 minutes of material so far - need another 6 to 10....

The general drill at this comedy club is to be offensive/crude without being truly horrible - a guy who had his first gig on Wednesday had a couple of bright spots that were moderately crude but resigned himself to telling stories that just weren't funny. So, I won't be making his mistake.

So far, this is what I have......

...introduction....I'm a bit down at the moment due to a recent death in the family...but as a result I came into some money....so I'd check your change when you're next at the bar.

I split up with my girlfriend last month - she was stunning to look at, but she became too hot to handle so I left her....in a house fire.

But I met a girl on the rebound....I guess I had to stick around really - the guy that knocked her over just drove off.

I became a father last year.....I never realised how stressful it would be....all the constant shit and whining. Not a moment's peace, and my Sunday's were ruined. So I quit the church.

I've had a few jobs in my life. I was once a Shun Spy, but I wasn't very good and was told I needed to be quicker with my results. Now I'm a Russian Spy.

I then worked as an accountants apprentice in Dublin. We were out drinking by the sea one day and he started pointing and said (Irish acent) "What's that over there?". I replied "17 and a half percent"

I then got a job writing erotic fiction. It was very easy, paid a month in hand too....had to quit because they were nothing more than than sexual advances.

I also worked at the dubiously named "International Radiators". It was a good job, great benefits, plenty of international travel. My friends were concerned though - they were convinced that I was working for an evil megolomaniac. I asked them why they thought that and they said "Well, a combination of the orange bolier suit, your helicopter pilot training and the fact that you can't fire an AK47 straight are just telltale signs really".

I'm also a recovering alcoholic - I fell off my chair and fractured my collarbone last month.

I joined my Neighbourhood Watch scheme last year. Now they have a restraining order and I've been asked to leave.

I took up golf last week. I arrived at the club and asked to play a round. "Do you have a driver?" they asked. "No, I walked here". "I'll get you some clubs then....would you like some balls?"
They also have a restraining order.

I went to the doctor's yesterday. "What seems to be the problem?" he asked. "My right shoulder and arm are always aching". He replied "You masturbate too much."
"You think so?" I queried.
"Yes. Now go home - I have other patients to see" he said, wiping his face.

I recently found out that a musician friend was into scat - we haven't spoken since last week when he said that we should go out and get shit-faced.

One Christmas as a child my parents told me that they'd got me the perfect stocking filler. When I opened it I was horrified to find a severed foot.

.....



And that's an evening's work. Some might be slightly plagiarised from other sources, but apart from the last one which is adapted from a Mitch Hedberg joke.

The easy part I guess is writing them....the hard part is standing up in front of people and just doing it.....

What have a done? I only agreed because it was a New year resolution to perform on stage this year.....

Woah....Happy New Year!!!!

It's been a long, long, long time.
No excuses, just a short sharp explanation in that it's been a tough time - mentally, emotionally, physically etc. Yadda, Yadda. I've been ill, but not really ill - according to my colleaguea. Yeah, fuck you.
I've been there or thereabouts and been comprehensive in my actions, but not really been motivated in my actions, which has been kinda screwy.

But, thats nothing really. That's personal issues that I can easily deal with (etc). Things that haven't been easy have been things like my sister breaking up with hear fiancee of 9 years, friends having relationship problems etc....yeah...that's about it really!!!

Nothing really....but altogether something!!!

And single becomes something then single again and then who knows what?

Limbo?

Limbo is fun if you can get that low.....I can't, ergo limbo isn't liking me and I need to step up....

And there lies the problem!

Ha!

Options and Reactions....

Lets see how they go.....likewise, the dirge.



xxxxx

I do still exist, honest!!!
I've just been taking things VERY easy recently - doctors orders etc. And, you know, it's pretty much worked. Back on track in all aspects of my life and enjoying things a whole lot more as a result. I've cut out all of the things (ie. one person mainly!) from my life that were contributing to the shit side of things. Back to normla? Pretty much!

That said, it's been an eventful few weeks......October is a BUSY month for birthdays. Starting with mine on the 7th there were 8 more before the week was out amongst my friends. It was basically two big birthday bashes a week apart. No stories to tell, just a good time both weeks. Well, the only story to tell is my comatic state on the mornings after....

Plenty of things to look forward to now - Halloween (Ghost Story telling night), a few gigs (Asobi Seksu and Patrick Wolf), Xmas in Spain to name a few.

I'll blog better and more frequently from now on....!

Lazy, lazy, lazy.....that's me.
I've just not been using my computer that much at home and have spent time doing other things that require a more relaxed seating position, like, erm, reading a book, er, watching TV....yeah, that kind of thing. Doctors orders and all that!!!

So, weekends are more likely to be my "heavy" computer use days rather than weekdays until I get my energy back. Bloody glandular & hay fever...and bloody morning cocktail of pills (mainly vitamins). Any more and I'll be pouring milk over them and eating them like cereal.

Apart from being a total wimpy sickboy, what else have I done? Not a huge amount - I managed to get a couple of (cheap) nights out last week - Thursday I saw my friends band (and was told that I was playing a gig on 26th Oct....great!!!) and then Friday I went out with work friends (and was introduced to a colleague's housemate who I was told straight out was single!) before moving on to see Josh T. Pearson (formerly of Lift to Experience) - fabulous gig and a really nice guy too - basically, a Texan in a Stetson with an acoustic guitar on his own on stage. Brilliant!!!

In fact, I've got quite a few gigs coming up in the next month - busy, busy, busy.....it's going to wear me out....AGAIN!!!!

It's been a while, but it's been an odd couple of weeks.
A couple of Friday's ago I went to the doctor complaining that I was always excessively tired despite getting good sleep. I put it down to having a cold and tonsilitis just after I got back from holiday and it had never really gone.

Well, I was kind of right. I had a blood test and the results came back on the Monday - I'd had glandular fever. Not a strong case, otherwise I'd have not been able to do anything all summer. But, strong enough to fuck me up for a few week.

So, I've been resting all week - I've been in work, but have not spent hours at my computer every night like I had been doing. I kind of feel better, but he said it could take another two or three weeks for it to be fully out of my system (though it never really leaves your system in truth - it kind of just lies dormant). All I can say is that I'm glad it's not as bad as the two times I've had it before and that I'm pissed off that I didn't lose any weight!!!

So, needless to say it's been a pretty uneventful couple of weeks!!