needless to say I haven't been very active around here for last few months. The fact of the matter is I really just haven't found the time. 90% of the people on my "friends" list don't talk to me and I really don't have a lot to say anyway. Seems the folks around here are a bit fickle. Or perhaps its me, I never could keep a lot of friends. Im not very good at time management especially when it comes to relationships. If i spend too much time with my girl, I feel like Im neglecting my boys, if I spend too much time with my boys I feel like Im neglecting her. I come home and my pup looks at me like he hasn't seen me in weeks and that makes me feel bad. Perhaps these guilt issues stem from my own childhood abandonment issues. I don't know. Im not even really sure what the fuck Im talkin about. Its late and Im sick and I should be sleeping but Im not tired. Now it seems I've run out of things to say, the funny thing about that is that I've yet to really say anything... and now Im just rambling... I doubt anyone will read this anyway, so... puerto rican swashbuckling ninjas wear penny loafers in the rain, but only on wednesdays due to the fact that it is tradition to wear tabbysocks the rest of the week, cuz well, they are ninjas. They are not to be confused with domican bullfighting samurais although the attire is quite similar... eat a dick, shake a stick, you fucking prick, who gives a shit! blabadyblahblahblah...

eh!

I should have a lot to say but the fact of the matter is that I just don't. Or perhaps I do and Im just too lazy to write it all down. In any case this is my lame update for the moment.

I've actually found someone I call my "girlfriend" It's kinda wierd Im still getting used to it. By the way I hate that word "girlfriend" it sounds so childish and contrived. Maybe I'll just call her the sole proprietor of my penis, I'd like to say my heart as well but I haven't made it that far yet... baby steps.

I fucking hate everyone, have I said that before? fairly sure I have, it's damn near my motto. People just give me gas.

I saw a news story the other day that pissed me off more than I have been in quite some time. I can't explain the anger that pulsed through my veins. Six fucking pigs beat a 14 yr old kid to death at one of those correctional boot camps in florida and they got it on video. Who was the sick fuck recording that shit and not doing anything about it?! The supposed coroner's report stated that the kid didn't die from the beating, but that it was caused by internal bleeding which was worsened by the fact that he had sickle cell anemia. What the fuck??!! that has to be the dumbest shit I've ever heard. what do they think the internal bleeding was from?!!! I suppose it was spontaneous! I seriously wanted to drive to florida find the six fucking pussies that did that shit and say "why don't you try that with me motherfuckers!!" I swear to christ if I was that kids dad I would shoot all six of those fucks in the legs so that they couldn't fight back and fucking cut their faces of with a rusty hack saw and video tape the whole fucking thing!! Just the thought of that type of justice makes my dick hard.......

I apologize for my little trip to psycho land, I just fucking despise our "system". Those cops are in a so called position of power and despite the fact that the whole thing was caught on tape, nothing will happen to them, nothing!! worst case scenario they'll lose their jobs...

" the path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of good will and charity, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and finder of lost children. I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger. Those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know that my name is the lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee"

anyway... it seems as though I've said much more than I had originally intended. Until next time...

... it's easy, but take it how you want it!...

alright so here's the gig...

For the past year or so I've really gotten lost in the "single life". Ive lost a lot of what it took me so long to gain and up until this point I could have given two shits about it. Ive been breakin hearts and jaws like I smoke cigarettes. That's not to make me seem "cool", actually quite the contrary. It just goes to show how fucking pointless an existence Ive been leading. It's like I jumped right back on to the road I was headed down 5 yrs ago. The road that as far as I can see only leads to death or jail. There was a time when I had some faith in the world, when I wasn't so hard edged and cold. Maybe not faith in the world itself but faith that I may actually have a chance to be the man I wanna be. The guy I've been, was fun for a while, now its just old and sour. I saw a dude a while ago about 55 or so sitting in the corner of restaurant eating by himself and pounding beers like they would wash away all the pain. I don't wanna be that guy. I refuse to be that guy! Im closing in on 25 now and granted Im still young, I always thought I would have accomplished more by now. I want more! Not in the materialistic sense but in the sense that i want to be, for the first time in my life, whole and happy. I can't even imagine what it feels like to be happy. I don't "feel" anything anymore. I've been so afraid to put myself out there for so long that I've lost touch with my emotions. Im willing to feel pain and heartache if it means I feel something and if it's the product of at least trying to acquire something out of life with a little more meaning. My only problem now is that because now all of a sudden I've decided that Im ready, everything is supposed to just fall into place? Fuck no! it doesn't work like that. So here I stand, cold and alone with nothing in front of me and everything behind me. Where do I go from here? Do I trek into the nothingness and hope that there's still something left for me? I can't go back, the bridges have been burned and the cities have fallen, the past holds nothing for me. I know people are going to say "you've got your whole life ahead of you" and yeah you're right but what if I missed something back there I was supposed to have picked up? What if the rest of my "whole life" is filled with just... me? Then Im 55 sitting in a restaurant drinking myself to death because I can't stand the sight of another day and quick and easy seems well... too easy! Do I deserve to die unhappy and alone? I suppose those people have to exist in the world to balance things out. What if Im one of them? Or worse yet, what if I wasn't supposed to be, but now I am, because as I stated earlier I missed something. Fuck! I just wanna be happy. I wanna work, come home, kiss my wife because I actually fucking love her, play with my kids and go to bed feeling fullfilled. Like I've actually contributed something to this life! Maybe I still have a chance, I don't know. The point is that I've come to a great epiphony after a long period of nothing. Meaningless sex, two week relationships, fighting for no reason except to "feel" and drinking to make myself feel empowered and justified instead of broke down and empty. Im ready for something more...

I really need to update only right now I don't have time, so....
umm...

update!

more to come later

so here's the new ride!

I present for your viewing pleasure, the 2006 Honda Civic Ex Coupe!....



The Hotness!!!

edit: okay so for some reason part of the pic got cut off, not only do I not know how to fix it but I don't fucking feel like it.
So if you're interested enough to see the whole thing it's in my pics folder...

so here's the new ride!

I present for your viewing pleasure, the 2006 Honda Civic Ex Coupe!....

suicide girls

I know it's fucking HOT!

so last night Im leaving this christmas party at about 2am. I had had a little to drink, not much. I was following a friend of mine back to her place when I decided to speed up, pass and flip her off, just to be stupid. Stupid indeed! as I passed there was a sharp curve in the road. I tried to slow down, but not in time my jeep fishtailed to the right, then to the left, and finally flipped and I slid down the road on the roof for about 75 ft! All of these events took place at about 90mph. What a fucking jackass! Now my jeep is totalled, my insurance is going to fucking sky rocket and I have to buy a new vehicle! Goddamn it! fuck! shit! piss! FUUUUCCCCCKKKK!!!!

...and my shoulder hurts like a son of bitch!

the events of last evening...

-met up with the boys
-went to the bar
-shot, shot, pint
-pint, shot, shot
-met cute blonde
-pint, pint
-shot, shot
-flirted with cute redheaded bartender
-pissed off cute blonde
-shot, pint, shot
-got cute redheaded bartenders number
-pint
-shot, shot, shot
-lost cute redheaded bartenders number
-shot, shot, shot
-got kicked out of bar by gigantic bouncer
-told gigantic bouncer if he touched me again I'd fucking kill
him
-he touched me again
-fought gigantic bouncer in parking lot
-police came
-I ran
-got home, passed out on bed fully dressed

...my head hurts

went out to dinner with the 'rents today, got my mom wasted feeding her Irish car bombs... hahaha.

other than that I've done fuck all!