Attention! Serious blog. Be warned.
You know how you can get in big soulful talks with your best friend or bf/gf? Well i had that on new year's eve with my best female friend. We were drunk after 4 bottles of wine and 1 bottle of champagne (not just for the two of us though!) and the discussion just started to be more introspective.
At some point, she just asked me "Are you happy?" and i simply said "No. I am not happy."
I won't get into reasons and details, it would be boring and highly subjective.
The point is that she said "Well you are 37. We're about the same age, near 40. Maybe this is it? Maybe the life you are dreaming of, is not gonna happen? Maybe that you are really content with what you're experiencing right now but you're trying to deny it?"
This wasn't news to me. I know how the mind tricks itself often. You can imagine that the grass is always greener somewhere else, but really if you're still in the same place after ten years; it's gotta be because you have something to do here. Yes it is not always the best, but if you really hated it; you would have gone somewhere else.
I keep struggling with life, my music job, relationships...but in the end, THIS is where i live. This is where i stand. Of course, i could move if some circumstances change. Nothing i really DO here would be totally different anywhere else. I just feel more secure here because i know it. I've grown comfortable here, even if there are problems coming with that. And i know people here and places.
I don't know if this all is making any sense for you guys...but i think i needed to put this here as a way to process it better.
You know how you can get in big soulful talks with your best friend or bf/gf? Well i had that on new year's eve with my best female friend. We were drunk after 4 bottles of wine and 1 bottle of champagne (not just for the two of us though!) and the discussion just started to be more introspective.
At some point, she just asked me "Are you happy?" and i simply said "No. I am not happy."
I won't get into reasons and details, it would be boring and highly subjective.
The point is that she said "Well you are 37. We're about the same age, near 40. Maybe this is it? Maybe the life you are dreaming of, is not gonna happen? Maybe that you are really content with what you're experiencing right now but you're trying to deny it?"
This wasn't news to me. I know how the mind tricks itself often. You can imagine that the grass is always greener somewhere else, but really if you're still in the same place after ten years; it's gotta be because you have something to do here. Yes it is not always the best, but if you really hated it; you would have gone somewhere else.
I keep struggling with life, my music job, relationships...but in the end, THIS is where i live. This is where i stand. Of course, i could move if some circumstances change. Nothing i really DO here would be totally different anywhere else. I just feel more secure here because i know it. I've grown comfortable here, even if there are problems coming with that. And i know people here and places.
I don't know if this all is making any sense for you guys...but i think i needed to put this here as a way to process it better.
