When I was a kid, cool was the antithesis of enthusiasm. Mezz Mezzrow used the term cool in Really the Blues, describing these guys who are getting stoned in a basement while the house burns down around them. Cool people didn't get excited, even if they were on speed. They wouldn't run around shouting 'fire'. To get belligerent or rowdy was definately uncool. Getting drunk in an exuberent way was uncool, so was being incoherent.

Coke heads often became uncool because of toxic psychosis. After a couple of days of heavy use they'd freak out, thinking they were under surveillance from cops sat in trees outside their house.

A lot of crap is talked about coke being harmless. When you mainline coke the buzz is very close to the OD level, so you're always chasing an OD. I remember these guys who used to fix up in pairs. The first guy would shoot up and OD. His buddy would bring him round, wrapping wet towels round his head and walking him round the room. Then there'd be 10 minutes of animated conversation while the buddy made up his fix. He'd then OD and be resuscitated. They'd go on like this through the night until the coke was gone, unless one of them didn't make it. Bit like Russian roulette. All 100% pharmaceutically pure NHS cocaine in those days of course.

Very few people can afford such big habits today. The jazz drummer Phil Seaman used 9.5 grams of heroin a day in the early 60s. That would kill not just one elephant but a whole herd.

One of the first casualties of war is the truth, and that has certainly been the case in Britain. A number of government ministers have appeared on TV peddling falsehoods. And although they are all known as professional liars - who would buy a used car from the likes of Peter Mandleson, Alan Milburn, John Prescott, or John Reed? - come to think of it they look like a group of South London used car salesmen - they are listened to respectfully.  We are going to war to preserve the credibility of the UN? Nice one. They have no credibility if they don't do what we want? No, if they won't enforce their own resolutions. We're enforcing 1441.

Ah yes. The original 1441 had language that implied the use of military force, and this had to be changed to get it adopted. And the Russians was made clear at the time that war was not being implied by 'serious consequences'. That's why Blair wanted a new resolution last week, which he failed to get. That's why the rest of the Security Council are saying this war is illegal and against the UN charter. But you'll be hard put to learn this watching the BBC. Nor will you learn that a large number of countries have condemned our action. Instead the news concentrates on the military hardware, and the fighting spirit of our boys. Should safeguard the licence fee for a while.

Is it disappointing to find that a radical-looking SGs is a right wing Republican, totally behind the war effort? People no longer look so attractive when you find they have reactionary politics do they? Or does that make me an ideologue? Perhaps I'll end up as fanatical as the Reverend Blair. Now there's a man who has succeeded in extinguishing all trace of doubt. In a previous age he would have worked for the Inquisition. Even Oliver Cromwell saw the danger of this degree of certainty: 'Think it possible, in the bowels of Christ, that ye may be wrong.'

Blair's new theme tune? I'm a Believer.
'Then I saw his face/
Now I'm a Believer/
Not a trace/
Of doubt in my mind.'
[That's a blast from the past.]

I'm getting a new kind of spam. Along with all the rape and incest sites, I'm getting an invitation to buy pumps or drugs to increase the size of my dick. Weird. Why do they think I'd want to do that? I guess they know that a secret anxiety about penis size is fairly common in our culture, so they're onto a winner. 'O God someone's found out and they've sent me an email'.

Most dicks I've seen are round about the same size - with one or two notable exceptions - so the perception of dick size is in the head. Half the male population go round thinking 'Whoa! Get a hold of this monster' and the half go 'You mustn't see my dick. Its so humiliating.' And they are all about the same size.

Maybe women have the same thing about tit size? Some women with nice tits want to have surgery to alter them. And you get these really attractive, androgenous women with small boyish breasts, and they want to have implants so they can look like porn stars. Then they look awful.

Maybe penis surgery is going to come in big. Guys with 6 inch dicks having them made up to 9 inches with a dildo implant. 'Grab hold of this monster' and then the thing drops off.

Spring is here tra-la. Spent the morning pruning rose bushes instead of painting. Oh and baking bread, which is one of my therapies.

When you cease to be a professor there's a big loss of status, which is a little uncomfortable at first. This is true even if you've had periods of your life when you were considered low life - in my case as a heavy end heroin and cocaine user way back in the early 1960s. I'm not a stranger to either low status or high status, but low to high is a different kind of transition to high to low. When you get used to the loss of power it's actually quite liberating. Funny how we can hang on to things that are actually restrictive and suffocating. Wish I'd got out years ago. Painting full time's a much better way to live.

Nic's new pix are awesome. The images work on so many different levels. Very subtle. Have a kind of Betty Page, fetish feel about them, without any obvious fetish props.

Best pic from someone who is not a SG yet has to be CarlottaDeVille. She just blows me away, and her journal is required reading. Major talent


If all prodommes were like Carlotta i'd be a lost soul ...

Fucking hell. After getting blown away by Al - and that was before her latest set - I find Cherry's pics and posts.

Here's another super-intelligent, multi-talented STAR! Some of the most erotic pix ever. Can you imagine what you would have felt if you'd wandered round the lake while they were shooting in St James Park or wherever, and saw Cherry sat on the railings, with her back to the lake, legs open wide? Why aren't people lining up to provide her band with facilities for practise etc when so many bands with little talent receive support? This woman has so much talent!

What a find this website is! I never knew there were so many beautiful, confident, assertive, creative, independent women out there - everyone of the SuicideGirls is a star! Blows me away.

Must be something to do with women taking control of their own images. The result is electrifying and so unlike male pornography. I mean it is so much more erotic.

Al is like a goddess isn't she? Both visually, and from her posts - what a brilliant woman! What a future she has.