"I'm sorry" chain bulletin - a rebuttal
Since this particular incarnation of Satan, I mean chain bulletin makes gross generalizations about the male sex, I'm going to don the mantle of masculinity as a whole and reply for all of mankind. My replies in (parentheses).
i bet NO guys will repost this ;
i'm sorry
(You should be, where the fuck's my dinner?)
i'm sorry if i'm not pretty enough to be "your girl"
(I'm sorry that you can't put the cake down long enough to use both hands to properly capitalize the "I" at the beginning of every word.)
i'm sorry that i don't want to have sex every minute of the day.
(Relationships are legalized prostitution. We pretend that we care and spend a shit ton of money so that you'll have sex with us. We're the ones who are sorry when you don't want to live up to your end of the bargain!)
i'm sorry that i'm not a playboy bunny so i can act like a pornstar for you.
(We are too.)
i'm sorry if i don't have a dream body that turns you on.
(Sex burns more calories than any other activity. The more you fuck us the more calories you burn, which in turn makes us want to fuck you more. There, we've also solved ALL of your workout dilemmas.)
i'm sorry if i won't drop down to my knees to get you to like me.
(You don't have to drop to your knees. I can get you a chair.)
i'm sorry if my hair isn't long enough.
(We're sorry that we find long hair attractive, and that you feel that you can make yourself look unattractive and still attract men.)
i'm sorry if i'm not the "hottest" girl you've ever seen.
(And you never fantasize about the "hottest" guy you've ever seen? Riiiiiiiight. Stop being so fucking sorry about everything and do something about why you're not getting a man and you won't have to worry about being the hottest thing we've ever seen. Oh, wait. That would involve dropping the victim mentality and taking a look at yourself objectively.)
i'm sorry if loving you isn't enough.
(We're sorry that you're selfish enough to feel that we should disregard our own wants and desires and base our feelings on how YOU feel.)
i'm sorry if being your friend through thick and thin makes no difference.
(We're sorry that you're naiive enough to believe in all of the cheesy romance novels that would have you believe in the whole "Guy realizes his best friend is what he really wanted all along" myth. If we're not attracted to you, we're not attracted to you. Pursuing a friendship with ulterior motives makes you a fraud.)
i'm sorry that i try my best to get you to like me, but then get hurt.
(We're sorry that once again you put the burden of how YOU feel onto US. Why do you continue to do the same things if it gets you hurt? Is it also our burden to protect your from your own stupidity? Stop fucking caring if we like you or not, and we'll like you. It's the same in reverse, but you don't see any guys posting this sad pathetic shitsack of an attempted guilt trip all over myspace, do you?)
but most of all; i'm sorry that most guys can't accept a girl for who they really are.
(Hypocritical much? We're supposed to accept you for who you are but this entire chain bulletin only serves the purpose of trying to guilt guys into acting how YOU want us to act? Basically, you won't accept us for who WE are but it's ok for you to try to dictate to us how to act, or even worse, to try to manipulate us into acting how you want to act.)
and i'm sorry that most guys will read this and post it and may agree with it but after 5 minutes they forget about it and do the same thing all over again. GUYS! just think about it, about how you treat girls.
(Girls, stop letting guys treat you like shit and this won't happen. If a guy treats you like shit, and you allow it to continue, then you need to re-evaluate YOUR priorities, not post some pathetic ass bulletin on myspace. You can't control how others treat you, but you CAN control whether or not you associate yourselves with others. Use that power.)
If you're a girl and you agree with this letter, repost as "I'm sorry."
(Key word there is GIRL. If you're a WOMAN then this won't apply to you because you'll be mature enough to not wallow in self-pity and fix the things that make you unhappy about life.)
If you're one of the few GUYS with enough balls to repost and you would never make your girl feel this way, repost as "I love you just the way you are.."
(Sorry, I seem to have forgotten my guilt passport. I can't take this guilt trip. Nice try at questioning our manhood if don't agree to act exacly like you'd want us to, which would require us to have already lost our manhood.. That's some grade A shaming tactics there, and we're not stupid enough to fall for it. )
(Go ahead, get pissed off at this rebuttal. We don't care. We are who we are, and maybe you should accept us as-is instead of trying to force us into the mold of who you think we should be. If you're unhappy in life, fix the things that make you unhappy. It's not our job or our responsibility to ensure that you are happy, and I'll be damned if I'm guilted into thinking that it is.)
Since this particular incarnation of Satan, I mean chain bulletin makes gross generalizations about the male sex, I'm going to don the mantle of masculinity as a whole and reply for all of mankind. My replies in (parentheses).
i bet NO guys will repost this ;
i'm sorry
(You should be, where the fuck's my dinner?)
i'm sorry if i'm not pretty enough to be "your girl"
(I'm sorry that you can't put the cake down long enough to use both hands to properly capitalize the "I" at the beginning of every word.)
i'm sorry that i don't want to have sex every minute of the day.
(Relationships are legalized prostitution. We pretend that we care and spend a shit ton of money so that you'll have sex with us. We're the ones who are sorry when you don't want to live up to your end of the bargain!)
i'm sorry that i'm not a playboy bunny so i can act like a pornstar for you.
(We are too.)
i'm sorry if i don't have a dream body that turns you on.
(Sex burns more calories than any other activity. The more you fuck us the more calories you burn, which in turn makes us want to fuck you more. There, we've also solved ALL of your workout dilemmas.)
i'm sorry if i won't drop down to my knees to get you to like me.
(You don't have to drop to your knees. I can get you a chair.)
i'm sorry if my hair isn't long enough.
(We're sorry that we find long hair attractive, and that you feel that you can make yourself look unattractive and still attract men.)
i'm sorry if i'm not the "hottest" girl you've ever seen.
(And you never fantasize about the "hottest" guy you've ever seen? Riiiiiiiight. Stop being so fucking sorry about everything and do something about why you're not getting a man and you won't have to worry about being the hottest thing we've ever seen. Oh, wait. That would involve dropping the victim mentality and taking a look at yourself objectively.)
i'm sorry if loving you isn't enough.
(We're sorry that you're selfish enough to feel that we should disregard our own wants and desires and base our feelings on how YOU feel.)
i'm sorry if being your friend through thick and thin makes no difference.
(We're sorry that you're naiive enough to believe in all of the cheesy romance novels that would have you believe in the whole "Guy realizes his best friend is what he really wanted all along" myth. If we're not attracted to you, we're not attracted to you. Pursuing a friendship with ulterior motives makes you a fraud.)
i'm sorry that i try my best to get you to like me, but then get hurt.
(We're sorry that once again you put the burden of how YOU feel onto US. Why do you continue to do the same things if it gets you hurt? Is it also our burden to protect your from your own stupidity? Stop fucking caring if we like you or not, and we'll like you. It's the same in reverse, but you don't see any guys posting this sad pathetic shitsack of an attempted guilt trip all over myspace, do you?)
but most of all; i'm sorry that most guys can't accept a girl for who they really are.
(Hypocritical much? We're supposed to accept you for who you are but this entire chain bulletin only serves the purpose of trying to guilt guys into acting how YOU want us to act? Basically, you won't accept us for who WE are but it's ok for you to try to dictate to us how to act, or even worse, to try to manipulate us into acting how you want to act.)
and i'm sorry that most guys will read this and post it and may agree with it but after 5 minutes they forget about it and do the same thing all over again. GUYS! just think about it, about how you treat girls.
(Girls, stop letting guys treat you like shit and this won't happen. If a guy treats you like shit, and you allow it to continue, then you need to re-evaluate YOUR priorities, not post some pathetic ass bulletin on myspace. You can't control how others treat you, but you CAN control whether or not you associate yourselves with others. Use that power.)
If you're a girl and you agree with this letter, repost as "I'm sorry."
(Key word there is GIRL. If you're a WOMAN then this won't apply to you because you'll be mature enough to not wallow in self-pity and fix the things that make you unhappy about life.)
If you're one of the few GUYS with enough balls to repost and you would never make your girl feel this way, repost as "I love you just the way you are.."
(Sorry, I seem to have forgotten my guilt passport. I can't take this guilt trip. Nice try at questioning our manhood if don't agree to act exacly like you'd want us to, which would require us to have already lost our manhood.. That's some grade A shaming tactics there, and we're not stupid enough to fall for it. )
(Go ahead, get pissed off at this rebuttal. We don't care. We are who we are, and maybe you should accept us as-is instead of trying to force us into the mold of who you think we should be. If you're unhappy in life, fix the things that make you unhappy. It's not our job or our responsibility to ensure that you are happy, and I'll be damned if I'm guilted into thinking that it is.)
marvel:
"Guilt Passport" - that's freaking golden. I'm hereby going to work that into my everyday vocabulary. I hate those posts that get sent around...