I went to see an ex-girlfriend, back in town after 5 years... What I was introduced to, in place of the beautiful, vibrant, intelligent, artist I once knew was nothing more than a shell of a human being. Her once astonishing beauty replaced by a veil festering sores, rotting teeth and eyes that were sunken and lost. She had been back in town for almost a year after becoming addicted to meth due to her junkie, musician boyfriend. In and out of of rehab and multiple troubles with the law, she moved back to get a new start. My initial thought was to walk away, to forget, to focus on the people in my life that DIDN'T choose to throw their life away. My love for a friend was being replaced by blinding anger, I mean, how could "my friend let herself fall so far" was all I could think.
We began to talk, and while the discussion was unfocused and choppy, we talked for hours, and I remembered why I loved her in the first place. She was smart, articulate and for the first time I could see my friend again, she knew what she had become, and she was as disgusted with herself as I was. She told me the entire story of how, where, when, and why. The things she described, things that had happened to her both shocked and horrified me, and my thoughts began to change from disgust, to pity, and finally to an overwhelming and unflinching need to help... help her clean up, help her get her life back, and just help, whatever I could do. She described her multiple suicide attempts, and showed me the scars, she described multiple rapes and beatings at the hands of dealers and other junkies, all driving her deeper into her addiction... She lived more in the last five years than any one person should have to in ten lifetimes. As the night began to come to a close, and it were saying our goodbyes, this strong women who never once cracked while telling me of the atrocities that she had suffered whispered a single word in my ear as I hugged her goodbye "help", and broke down. I ended up staying the rest of the night with her. That was a week a ago today, and this morning SHE made the decision to get the help she needed.
This last week has been a struggle, I moved her into one of the spare rooms in my house, and provided her with a safe place to clean up, and detox. This morning, after finally getting over being dopesick for the last week, we drove to rehab. She cried the whole time, thanking me for helping her when even her family had given up, and promised she would pay me back whenever she could. I explained that her sole job is focus on herself, focus on getting better, and getting back to being her, and I would do anything I could to assist her with that. Im hopeful for the first time in a week and proud that she made this decision to get clean.
I wasnt really sure where to post this, but I needed to get this out of my head... just writing has allowed me to relax for the first time this week, and has been extremely cathartic to get this out.