the bright moon licks the waves as they foam on the beach and the fire burns all night as the blood and insanity flow out like a mythic river into a vast delta that empties back into the sea where the fish carry the last wisps of smoke to a distant island shore...
the first lp i was ever given was on my 4th birthday/x-mas in 67', it was titled "a man and his songs" , i recieved a johnny cash record from my grandma on this day for the next 5 years, he was my first musical inspiration and the beginning of my album collection, i remember the years my uncle was locked up in folsom and how i would play folsom prison live while i read his letters and how i would beg my mom to play it on the 8-track during the long drive from san bernardino to folsom during the holiday visits....i grew weary of alot the country/ blues as my 70's adolescence began(had to revolt somehow, so i went from aor to p-funk to punk), but i never grew tired of the man in black...even in my fist punk band the first pop tune that we covered for fun was "ring of fire", and i remember mike ness coming up to me and telling me what a kick ass song that was to cover, and i always get a chil when i hear "don't take your guns to town, son, leave your guns at home, bill, don't take your guns to town" i learned so much about tempo changes, being a humble man and battling demons from his songs and life stories....and about my own native history from "the ballad of ira hayes"....his tunes are a permanent part of my psyche and they have gotten me through hard times(i probably wouldn't of made it out of san quentin without that tune in my head to keep me calm and focused)....i give thanks for all that and then some and i wish him godspeed and my condolences to the carter/cash family.....
i have a total of 5 disabled vehicles that i am doing different types of repairs on and when i get stuck on one i switch to another but i have yet to complete one....so i am stranded except for my friends dory with dual evinrude's that i took out past the farrallones this afternoon, i saw a whale and the two biggest pelicans i have ever seen(and it struck me that they mate for life, so those two could have been together for a long time) a lot of dolphins jumping and doing tricks, a great white hunting near a bunch of seals on a rock, a swordfish that caught air right off the port side and i was supposed to be fishing but i am tired of all the killing i have done in the last couple of weeks, so i did the zen fishing thing since i was all alone and just cast weighted lines and enjoyed the ocean for all it had to offer....i made some good hash out of a bag of shake and clippings and that was nice to smoke out on the ocean while having a superfood and some smoked salmon....my hangover was not so bad, but now i want to go to the city and i can't get a damn vehicle to work well enough to scoot out of the wilderness....maybe i'll just make a big fire on my lil' beach after the go out and worship some more moon, mars and ocean....i remembered my friend who died 2 years ago and i sent an e-mail to my friend who survived, he is in hawaii and says he doesn't miss new york at all and he is working as an emt in kauai, that is the only island in the chain i have not been to or lived on, so i was thinking about it....but, i should try to restart my work in l.a. and i am supposed to go to nyc in just a few weeks....i have some soul searching to do....maybe if i tie someone up and do some depravation to them i can gain some insight and perspective on myself through their sacrifice and satisfaction....hhmmmm....
they(i like to think of oliver north and the monoply man counting money in a house of ill repute when i hear "they" as a moniker) want you to remember today as a day where a nation was attacked innocently without provocation....but i feel that the provocation was there and i lost a close friend in that attack, and i had a good friend survive it....so it is a strange event on a personal level and then it is a shared community experience also....can i just tell you right now that i felt the cia's hand in it somehow, if not directly then through the training of consultants, and i still believe noone has answered that question to my satisfaction.....but then i know a lot more than most about the inner workings of the spook works.....my friend who passed was a bike messenger that i rode with as a bike messenger back in the late 80's, early 90's....so it is a wierd day for me for a number of reasons.....i drank a lot at a bonfire under the full moon on the beach...i left early cuz i felt old and the women were young, and i was not in the mood for young visitors and all the drama that comes with it.....i have a pit bull pup that i need to sell, a pure bred that can be papered and has a good demeanor....e-mail me if you are interested..i'nm drunk so i apologize and return your control back to your trick and i'll just eat raw fish in the woods and i am drunk on sake and cognac....good night, my friend.....
a misting rain instead of sunshine...a morning of hard work and heartbreak...a blown headgasket on the car and a crazed 19 yr. old bottle blonde that i am trying to share my cave with but she is intent on pushing buttons and being sarcastic....she wants to be a clothing designer now, but 3 months ago she wanted to be dead, she needs to make up her mind...this weather poses a threat to the crop and i have to make spray bottles with baking soda in the water to help stem the mold, i have to fish or barter for food, and i am late on rent for the trailer, so the crop means everything and the harvest is very much anticipated as a salvation of sorts....i am smoking some branches that broke off a week ago, it is premature but i need something to calm the nerves now...the other girl who shares the camp is very skilled in preparing fresh catch fish and has the best abalone technique i have ever seen, she is a skilled forester(splitting logs, chainsaw and axe, clearing blackberry and poison oak vines) she makes a helluva fire and has a ton of compassion...until she drinks, which she does often, and she blacks out and wants to climb trees and run off into the woods in the dark and bites and punches but has no recollection of it the next day....oh yeah, she always talks about how she wants to go up to some cops and and make them take her out by attacking them barehanded, thats her big plan whenever she is blacked out drunk, my favorite cheery subject...anyway, together we make this surrealistic three's company meets grizzly adams meets girl,interrupted....just a few more weeks....i miss the boardwalk at venice, not the one that is there now, but the one from my youth...the hustle, the smell, the sound, the oppourtunities,....i don't know where i will ever find a combination ever again like that....i also miss the lil' recording studio at my friends apt. on sunset and normandie, i have a few unfinished ideas that i need to get back there and work on....i need to get back out to nyc and get my ink finished and do some studio work with some people....i want to just quit and go hide in jamacia or hawaii or costa rica for a while...hide from the time that wieghs heavy, hide from the world that i didn't ever expect to even be a part of at this point....music keeps me alive, but it also haunts me like a dark spectre...all you can do is work it out in your head until you have what you want, but the industry part of it has always been hard for me...a penny for my song....at least niether of these broads litsens to the grateful dead, that would just send me over the edge....two years ago today i missed a flight to jfk and rescheduled the flight and my presence in the recording studio until the15th, because my wife(at the time) had her b-day on the 13th....i never made it and i have been on a downward spiral ever since that early sept. 2 years ago....i lost a lot of material and a 7 year relationship since then.....and now i live in a cave on a ridge above a misty sea near a pirate town, catching my food and living with a couple of madwomen, waiting on the change of season to make my next move....licking wounds and wounding licks......
stuck out in the woods this afternoon and having a lazy day....i can see frisco from the edge of the cliff....the niner's are probably winning....it has been magical day in the forest and i needed a break from the girls and they needed a break from me....i picked some nice mushrooms and i will probably eat those before i go down to the bar and watch the raider game and then who knows??? the girls want to go to a strip club so i thought maybe crazy horse or mitchell bros. and maybe i'll go see some music somewhere....or maybe i'll just go roll a sleeping bag out on the ridge and gaurd the crop....either way i have to look after some lusty young women...
i am watching this 19 yr. old girl take apart my friends pants with a lil' pink swiss army knife and i am arguing with her 21 yr. old friend about how to care fore this 8 wk. old pit bull bitch that has managed to piss me off, she wants to "make a bed for her" because she can sense that it is lacking and i am trying to tell her that you cannot make a bed for a puppy that young out of other dog's blanket's because of parvo and she is asking me questions about parvo now and i try to pretend i am busy doing something important on the computer so i can just get a lil' shelter from the interaction, i am sober, except for a blunt that the inquisitive(drunken) girl is taking her sweet time in rolling for me, my teeth are grinding because i can't begin to deal with this scenario without the weed's calming effect, the lil' seamstress is now asling me to look at the long skirt contraption that she is deconstructing from my friends pants(he left a couple of days ago to vacation at beautiful santa rita on the states request), she needs something to do because i won't sleep with her anymore and she can't do her usual drug regimine because of a suicide attempt that rendered her liver as useless as a sponge draining the ocean, it was 400 tablets of tylenol pm, and she is angry that i won't give her drugs and let her drink(i have that power), so if only the drunk girl would concentrate on her assignment more and bother me less with questions and drunken platitudes, then i might have achieved some piece of temporary absolution on a saturday night before the demons of early morning unrest make another attempt at disrupting my dreamstate, these broads should be happy i am not drunk and conflicted enough to bed em' down good like they think they want....i just can't ignore common sense when i am this sober and the spirits of regrets past love to remind me of the bad judgment calls i love to make when i am on a drunken drugged out tear...i just erased about two paragraphs and i am stoned and tired and you'll just have to figure out what just happened(just continue the stream of thought another two paragraphs) but there were references to hash and football and sex and music and art and harvesting and destruction and building and kali and bar-b-que 's on the beach and it was all tied together with interesting prose that seemed natural and well-crafted....now its just this and the girls are goin to sleep and i will stoke the fire and watch the stars that fall and the stars that stay the course....night....
i am back at the beach after a couple of days in oakland soaking up vibes and toxins and sqeezing out stress and toxins... a toxin diminishment/replacement program and now the rest of the afternoon at the beach and sunset waves and a bbq and i need to find a good home for one of my female puppies....she's a real bitch....
