i'll leave y'all with this thought:

never leave the one you love. never leave the one who loves you. no matter what happens, it's never worth it.

know what is fleeting. know what is real. and don't fuck it up.

livejournal.com/~cortneyrockstar

my account is running out in a few days. i probably won't be renewing.

if you have any desire to keep up with the events of my ever-so-exciting life, check http://www.livejournal.com/~cortneyrockstar

over and out.

i'm one tired girl. the dj gig was superfun but i only got a few hours of sleep and had piles of work to get through today. i have a feeling i'll be going to sleep damn early tonight.

i've reached a point with my zine where i am having trouble deciding how personal i can get. obviously names and identifying details will be changed, but i really don't know how much of myself i am comfortable sharing. i try not to be one of those people who is too open, but i also try to share my thoughts and feelings with the people i'm close to. we'll see what happens.

question:
how old do you feel? growing up, i always felt more mature then most of my classmates, largely because i was a bookish nerd who read all time and could discuss theory and politics. now i see people my age who are married and have babies and working horrible jobs, and i feel like such a little kid. i make sure the cat gets fed, that's about it. i've lived through a lot, but i still feel like a silly girl sometimes....

i'm dj'ing at the tonic on sandy tomorrow night. stop by and have a drink. or not.

i had a pretty mellow weekend....watched a movie with a friend friday night, cheered at the anti-war march and saw the apples in stereo saturday, and ran errands and went to the nocturnal craft fair today.

i my new job. i have my very own office and office assistants to help me with photocopying and stuff like that. i can't wait to start decorating my office. i'm so excited i could dance.

i'm going to pick up a painting i bought and then go see dame darcy at reading frenzy. i'm going to see if i can convince her to design a tattoo for me. radical cheerleading and apples in stereo tomorrow.

it's so nice out. everything is so nice right now.

yay, i'm having the BEST day:

i got a job. a good one, too. i'm doing research for the policy and government department of a big law firm. pays well, the people seem nice, and i get to be a policy wonk. my little temping vacation is over....

AND my debt to wellesley is finally paid off. when i graduated i had a couple grand in debt to the college (as opposed to the 20 odd grand i had to the good folks at sallie mae) and long story short, i am finally in the black with the college. i got an email today confirming my account was all taken care of. my debt now is confined mostly to student loans and the car payment.

now, if a cute boy wants to call me and give me some action, my day would be complete.....

i had two root canals this morning and took the rest of the day off. i'm not motivated to do anything and my mouth hurts. i was going to write about the arab strap/ bright eyes show last night and how i had a transcendent moment during the encore, followed by an epiphany that sadly came four months too late, but i'll save that for another day.

my friend sarah emailed me from wellesley to tell me that due to the freak blizzard that is blanketing the east coast, food fest is cancelled. coincidentally, my former classmate michelle wrote all about they wonder of food fest in her journal today. she is much funnier then i am, so rather then reinventing the wheel, i'll just give you what she wrote:

"...Not until I went to college was I introduced to eating lobster in that way. Before, I had always eaten lobster Chinese-style, stir-fried with black bean sauce. Or possibly fancy-restaurant-style, cut up into little bite sized chunks tossed into a salad. But you know how it is at college. Once a year, they had this "Food Fest" event, where they served lobsters, steak, corn, nachos, cotton candy and such, and the whole school was welcomed to hunker down and gorge. (This was to make you feel as though your tuition money was going towards something other than landscaping.) It actually used to be Unlimited Lobster Food Fest, but they had to shut that down after people started inviting their monstrously hungry frat boy friends to the event and they would suck down, like, 30 lobsters each. After that, they started issuing tickets for the lobsters, which allowed one per person. And if you really, really had to have more than one lobster, then you'd go through the line, trying to find people who were kosher or who just didn't like lobster to surrender their extra ticket. Sometimes there would be intimidation and gangland coercion tactics. It was madness! Madness, I say! And also, everyone would always invariably try to hoard food from the Food Fest (some in a normal way, like "oh, let me steal drinks for my dorm fridge, or get a snack for later tonight," and some in a freaky eating disorder way, like, "I must have five pies."). Later that night, the dorm kitchens would reek of soggy, stale nachos."

go read her journal at http://www.theunderweardrawer.homestead.com. it's pretty fucking funny.

ow, i need more asprin....

someone once said the best thing about temping was stealing office supplies. they were wrong. the best thing about temping is flirting with bike messengers all day long.

i'm kind of liking this mini mental vacation. sure, my education is going to waste, but i have tons of time to work on my zine and write for other people's zines (although i must say i hate my barfly column this month) and i can go out every night and not have to worry if i come in hungover.

on a totally different topic, is it just me or does everyone in portland have an open relationship? i have one, the boy i was chatting with last night has one, i know at least three other people who have them or have had them in the past....theories? my relationship is open because my boy is on the east coast; it was monogamous when we were living in the same city and it'll probably go back to being monogamous when he moves out here this summer....

edited to add: go look at this website. right now. http://english.aljazeera.net. it's food for thought if nothing else. i'm also amused by their designation of themselves as being "objective and balanced global news coverage and analysis." echoes of fox news, for sure.

We all end up living secret lives. We create what we are willing to admire and admiring what we shouldn’t confess to the secret of our own sin, our own insufficiency, our own sadness. We all end up taking our secrets into the world and handing them over to strangers, only to realize it’s often too late to claim them back. The very nature of time passing is sad beyond words. Memories mean they’re gone.
~Alexander Theroux

writing.
working.
protesting.
going to shows.

that's pretty much it.

i casiotone for the painfully alone, anna oxygen, and ghost to falco.