The days just kind of slowly go. Like nothing has happened. Because it couldnt hvae, could it..? It cant be possible. I dont think the reality of this will hit me for a long time.
Im scared to go back to my normal life, Im scared that thats when it will kick me in the nuts for real, for real.
Im scared it will drain me, make me sit in a chair unable to do all the things I should.
Im stilll back on the farm, in my mothers beautiful house, where she was supposed to spend her old days with my dad, still 15 years of life in them according to statistics.
She said, this summer, when she started feeling death creeping near:
There are so many people who dont really want to live. Why couldnt one of them get this shit, not me?!? I want so desperately to LIVE, to live more, longer, more...
I agree. Give cancer to some suicidal guy, let my mum live. Sounds right to me.
That was the only time I heard her complain.
Theres so much work now, too. And I have to do it. Its not like I can just stop creating things, and stop being in business, I cant loose customers, I want to design the CD cover, I want to travel and do artsy VJ sets, even if my heart is here and there.
I have bills to pay. I need to do things.
Like now, I need to go eat breakfast.
Many, many, many kisses to you, if you read this
Im scared to go back to my normal life, Im scared that thats when it will kick me in the nuts for real, for real.
Im scared it will drain me, make me sit in a chair unable to do all the things I should.
Im stilll back on the farm, in my mothers beautiful house, where she was supposed to spend her old days with my dad, still 15 years of life in them according to statistics.
She said, this summer, when she started feeling death creeping near:
There are so many people who dont really want to live. Why couldnt one of them get this shit, not me?!? I want so desperately to LIVE, to live more, longer, more...
I agree. Give cancer to some suicidal guy, let my mum live. Sounds right to me.
That was the only time I heard her complain.
Theres so much work now, too. And I have to do it. Its not like I can just stop creating things, and stop being in business, I cant loose customers, I want to design the CD cover, I want to travel and do artsy VJ sets, even if my heart is here and there.
I have bills to pay. I need to do things.
Like now, I need to go eat breakfast.
Many, many, many kisses to you, if you read this
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
Hmmm.
I watched I heart huckabees today, the first time I watched it I didn't get it, this time though after having a liiittle crisis myself, it was MUCH better.