Must sleep, no more dreams please, feels like I get two hours a night by the time the movies in my head stop playing

Wasting another weekend, although I did go to London today and spent a heap on the arcades, was fun though! Just gonna veg out tomorrow and watch the footy. Really should find a new hobby or something though, doing too much of this chilling.

I've been wondering recently if I might be suffering from depression. It's not that I feel sad (although I wouldn't say I'm overly happy either) or that I want to cut my own wrists in the shower like some emo nut job, but I would say I feel very different to normal.

The thing is that everything at present just feels utterly futile and pointless. I usually have drive but it's gone, I'm doing a job I like but people are overly difficult at present for no real reason, money seems as tight as usual despite a pay rise and I'm worried my flat mate is about to move out leaving either to move or find a new one I might not like. This constant nagging of issues or instability just sucks, it makes you think what is the point if nothing ever evens out to that happy point where you can just chill and ride with it.

Being single and 'away' from home doesn't help, I don't feel I have anybody that truely understands me to guide me on this shit. I have friends, good friends who listen and support, but after five years of being single for the first time I'm missing that somebody who knows me inside and out and will do whatever to help or support me.

Being stuck for the last five years in almost exclusively male environments at work and Uni hasn't helped provide me with ample chances to meet somebody, not that that really matters mind you as I wouldn't just want to meet some random slag in a scanky club anyway. I just never thought I'd get to this age and still be single though, I used to meet loads of nice girls 6-7 years ago and I assumed by now I'd have stuck with a real nice girl, have found a glorious castle on a hill to call me home and be spending my free time chilling out there with her or some magical gnomes at the end of the garden!

Instead I just fele like any kind of trying to do anything will not result in any kind of breaking of deadlock. I don't feel I'm attractive or witty so why try dating? I'm never going to get paid enough at work so why deal with the crap there? I'm never going to be independant enough to afford my own place in a nice place so what is the point in anything?! All this does is make me feel like either sleeping or pigging out on junk food (I'm so fekkin rock'n'roll)!!

Maybe I'm just on a down and I'll sort my shit out enough to get rolling again, but a lucky break about now would really help.

And yea, I knew I said I'd write here eventually, just a shame I get it truely underway with this emo whine

Fuckin' ay! It's the weekend! Already gorged on pizza and I'm not waking up tomorrow until midday, I need to catch up on sleep. Might crack on and watch some Real Drive this weekend although the first episode hasn't really grabbed me, Peep Show tonight should be class as always though

Must write more, I always have lots to say...well....moan about, here is as good a place as any! Just need to find the time

Random first blog post, huzaah! have at you! to infinity and beyond! etc etc