Big question of the day:
will i cut bangs? or will i not?
what you think?

me without bangs:
eloine-marquise



me before surgery:

(i tried to find a picture of me with bangs but did not find it!!!!
that's because i never had one before!!

don't forget to leave sweet comments on my hopefull set! it will be your good deed of the day! to help me to become a suicide girl!!!!!!!!

Men are so stupid!!!!!!!!!!! (but not the ones from sg
I will try to explain what funny story happened to me today (it"s not going to be easy as english is not my mother tongue...
So, i was walking in the street, coming back from gym...
And sometimes it really pisses me off to walk alone in the street coz there is always stupid guys that comes to talk to me asking me stupid stuff...
So as usual, a guy was following me with his car asking me if i don't need any help (what help should i need? i'm not carring anything, just walking leisurely back home..!!! like everybody does !!!FUCK!!)
SO that guy was so stupid that he forgot to watch the road and did not see there were a stoplight and crashed into the car in front of him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahahahahaha that was so stupid and so funny!!!
but hopefully there were no hurt

oh and don't forget to leave me love on my hopefull set: (i still need it!!!!!!)
eloine-marquise

Just got some new picts...
I'm not so sure if i like them..there is always something wrong on them..i don't like my body or my face or my hair, or my posing..it can never be perfect!!!
And after looking at this i really think i have to start a diet and do sport..that's my good resolution of the day...


and don't forget to leave me love on my set in the hopefull:

eloine-marquise
I really really want to be a sg so much!!! i hope it is going to happen!

Sweet kisses to all of you for your messages! it really helps me a lot, i love this website, there is so many wonderfull people!! i'm not sure i deserve it.. i will get back to you as soon as my lazyness decrease

I am a very very lazy girl..and my life is a total mess
i think too much all the time, i don't know how to make it stop....I've been crying for a few hours and now my head hurts..and i look like kermit the frog...i have lot of work to do but i haven't done it yet..
I want to work and to be the best..it's the only thing that matters but i hate myself coz i spend my time doing nothing and crying and thinking
Even my blog sucks..i never write anything positive or funny...
i'm sorry about that...
I don't know why i told all this things here...and i don't know if it's things that can be said..but i just don't know where else i can tell them. Can't keep it to myself no more...
i wish i could forget them , but i don't know how....
i wish i was strong..i try to..i repeat myself everydays to be strong but it doesn't work
I should be happy...coz my life is much better now than it was
but I can't breath, can't swallow and i can't sleep.......

My set is still in the hopefull..please leave me some love: (coz i need it!)

eloine-marquise

and thanks so much to all your messages!! i will get back to you all

I want to become a suicide girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you like my set please leave me a comment on it:
eloine-marquise



+ i have 2 other ones waiting, one multi with Abbiss that you could not see if i don't go live!!

something is really not turning right in my head...
I always overreact and do the opposite of what i really want and then after i suffer from it...
I'm really stupid and weak and i hate myself for that.

In my music school there is a guy that i kind of went out for a few days at the beginning of the year. we did nothing else than kissing each others, but everytime i was tipsy ( coz i can do this kind of things only after a few drinks, i'm probably the most shy personn in the world). But after a few days that guy decided to stop and told me that he prefered to be friend with me coz he felt i was too much sensitive and that he knew he could not have feelings for me, that it was only sexual and blabla coz he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend...

It made me very sad, i did not knew why, coz before he told me that i did not really care of him and told myself i just wanna try to have some fun, coz the thing is, i lived for 2 years with a guy that was regularly hiting, raping, giving me medicines, locking me in and other horrible things..i lived in a total nightmare for almost 2 years and i did not even realised it was not normal...that guy was completly manipulating me and even after i managed to leave him, he still had a huge power on myself...

Last summer, i leaved PAris to go to New york to study acting...and it triggered something in my mind. For the very first time of my life i met honest, selfless people which helped me a lot to trust myself..thing that i never could do before. It made me realise that all the people i've met so far where manipulating, abusing me, and so back in Paris i changed radically my life...i moved in an other flat, changed my phone number, stoped all relationship with all the people i knew and with my familly that was constantly pulling me down as well and started everything again.

But my ex found me again, and he is still harassing me..the police can do nothing cos he is always nice when he sends me messages and leaves me voice mails on my phone. But appart from that, he used my msn, he chatted with my friends and familly pretending that it was me and that i was a hooker selling my body to buy myself drugs, says to his friends that i'm a whore, and gives them my phone number!

Well back to the guy from my school, i don't know why, but i reacted very stupidly.. after he told me he just wanna be friend, i told myself ok let's be friend. But everydays i felt more and more depressed and uncomfortable coz i had the feeling he did not really want to be friend with me.. he was always following me everywhere sitting next to me during classes, but he almost never spoke to me unless i asked him a question, he only spoke to my girlfriend who i was always with, and was constantly staring after me..it made me fell very bad and i started to think bad things about myself, that i was stupid and had no value ect ect...i started to hurt myself, to stop eating, to drink all the time...

So i first tried to avoid him and acted like if he did not existed..in order to make him understand i wanted him to stop staring at me and to go back with his friends... but he continued following me and so one day i sent him a message on his phone telling that i did not wanted him to be around me anymore.. i just told him that, nothing else.

After that he acted like if my girlfriend was his great best friend..but they had nothing in common! he is a hard-rocker, and she is a jazz singer.. i had the feeling that he was doing this only because of me. So i decided to take distance with my friend, and i changed all my shedule to not have classes with them anymore...

So now i feel very bad everytime i go in my music school, and i have become a total outcast, i almost don't speak to anybody coz i'm always afraid he is going to blend in with. And when i see him everytime my heart jumps (don't know if it's correct english).. i wish i could speak with him, but i'm too weak and i don't know what is the best to do, i think i should better not taking care of him, but sometime i wish to speak with him again coz i think i like him but i messed evrything up and i'm afraid that now he doesn't want to hear about me anymore.

Thanks a lot for all your sweet comments on my set:
eloine-marquise
i don't know what else to say for now (i have a huge head ache coz i drank a bit too much last night.. but it really pleased me so much when i read all your comments this morning, i did not fell myself very fine those days .. now thanks to you i think it's going better! ; ) i hope this set will finally go live

I am my own ennemy...
I just can't stand me, when i look at my face in the mirror, i hate what i see.
I hate my ugly dark bags under my eyes, my hollowed cheeks, my wrinckles, i hate my disgusting body, each part of it remind me how dead i am. I am livingless and i have no soul.
I don't care of anything
i fear nothing but myself
I 'm so empty...
All my nights are haunted by nightmares,but i wish to never wake me up again.

My set has been refused once more..i'm so disapointed! it's been the 3rd try..and it was the best idea that i had..it was important to me because it has been done in my bedroom which i decorated all by myself and was very proud of...
here is one of the picts:
and thanks again to 2shadowland and abbyss who helped me realising this set.. even if it was not accepted, they did a great job!
But i'm not sure i want to post it in the hopefull section..i have to think about it..maybe i want to do it again and try to make it better...i don't know what better idea i could have for the moment

They are haunting me
I don't know what to do
to make them go away
They eat my heart
little by little
and day by day
They have resurrected from the past
but i let them do
and i feel the pain
all my way down to hell
soon nothing will remain
only my rotten smell
I hear them saying in my head
" you are already dead"