I gotta say, getting old is getting me down. Yeah, I know, I'm not THAT old, but it's happening. Love and adventure have become distant dreams of my youth. I ought not complain much though. Those years were good, blessed with loves and adventures to entertain my memories for years to come. But now, the mundane is my master. I live a monastic life. I serve my children and there is room for little else. Real love and real adventure don't sprout from mere little cracks in time. They need great mountains, lush valleys and broad vistas. So, my point in this, is to bid thee all farewell. No longer will I visit here to refresh the naked memories of my youth. I figure it best to part before I become some creepy old man ...if, in fact, I'm not already. I dunno how long it will be before this membership runs out, but when it does, I am done. To those who still wander down this alley, and to those who had before, I thank you all for the energy we've shared. I imagine some of us will somehow cross paths again in some other realm. Whether or not that should come to pass, I wish you well in your endeavors. May your loves and adventures, and even the mundane, be delicious and enchanting.

Fare the well...

It was bound to happen sooner or later...

...that disturbing moment when looking at a set, transfixed on a model who reminds me of a lover from my memories. And then, a little math whispers in my ear, "She could be your daughter."

yikes

presently


I want to create a future

that isn't


so fucking
dystopian

you must watch


MUST, i say!!








(the effect is sooo much better on a bigger screen and with decent speakers ....soooo, just watch the whole thing, ok, yah?)

so, this week had me thinking
ha! ...a shocker

thinking a bit about my last post

when i wrote it I had other thoughts in mind than the ones that actually manifested through the interface of phalangeal articulation upon my keyboard


so, i felt a bit disingenuous
what with the final product not exactly resembling anything all that personal or revealing

or so i thought



i've been reading again lately
it's an on-again/off-again sort of thing for me, reading, it is
so, last week, or was it two?
i took the final ride with JD
(Salinger, if you must ask)
I'd read the other bits
nine stories and zooey and frannie n' such
but alas, just recently, i finally read the big one
the one that supposedly caused all that fuss

and it didn't really strike me as anything all that better than the others
for they each had their individual charm

but it did occur to me, too, that the hubbub was more something about when it was written

i mean, he was beat before beat was beat

and for some folks, i expect, that was downright frightening



and then i realized, or rather, i remembered, what i'd known for some time
is that that dude can write
he can tell a story
...a master at character vernacular
...a rambler extraordinaire


much the same as the weaver of my latest tale


(i had to wonder why a beloved musician took the name of Scout)
And, Atticus, Atticus, Atticus...
of course, what was that all about?

david duchovny dropped the Attticus glass bead this season
ol' Hank is a writer, too
and a single dad, as I
yet, my rock n roll tales aren't quite so amazing
(I only partied with the rock stars who never quite were)
sure, we all thought we rocked at the time
but look at us now
wherever we are
blessedly, alive, i guess
mostly



<cheers>



in truth
(not like the rest was at all a lie)
it was a rough week
books were a delightful saving grace
but work and money are thin
and my head feels unbearably clamped

apparently i'm a magician without a muse
unable to yet conjure a spell of instant abundance
yet, i tread on,
knowing winter isn't forever
no matter what they say in the realm
i'll make it to spring
and summer beyond
much as i always have
laying half-nekkid in the sun
my blanket there on the green grass
and not a care in the world


for now, as some of you may have heard
i have cider
and lots of it
sagardo
sidra
cidre
ahhh...
it's good
i did well

and someday, I hope
i will sell


until then
i toast to you
and you
and you

may we all live and love
and do our species proud



myself
i'm uncorking another bottle
and contemplating how i ought repaint this room


ramble out

Something I really like about rambling here, is that I can express ideas and parts of myself that would otherwise probably shock, scare or confuse my stock facebook acquaintance. I don't mean to belittle them, mind you (nor elevate you, for that matter). It's just an observation. Maybe I'm more comfortable with disclosure in these particular confines. Certainly I am in good company as far as disclosure and expression, even as my transparency is a bit cryptic and muddled. I like that when I think in such a way as I do now, that I can pull up this page and ramble without concern...or perhaps I ramble to let go of concerns. Indeed, something in the writing process is fantastically therapeutic. It's like anonymous group therapy; the writing ...and reading.

So, since last time, not too long ago, winter has been mild in my realm. All the woe of "winter is coming to the realm" has yet to transpire in the apocalyptic dimensions no Mayan ever prophesied. Thankfully not too many people completely lost their shit. Although some extreme burst of stupidity always seems to be brewing somewhere ...brewing somewhere? ...hmmm, such a common phrase, but what does it mean? ...it has a sort of anti-witchery bend to it, and as a magician and a brewer, I take offense. So, let's just rather say "fuckered-up shit is fomenting". Really, what is up with all the hate people??? I don't even have time to call you all out (cough-ugandafrancerussiaUS-cough), but you know who you are!! Rrrrgh!

Ahhh, and the gun-control shite here in the US is a bugger, too. I wish the NRA was as vigilant about teaching the owners of firearms how to properly secure their weapons as they are about their efforts to stymie the power of the ATF and gun control laws. And the level of vitriol and ignorance spewing from the virtual public commons is unsettling, at best.

Yet, I sit here. Cozy. Drinking my second pour and dreaming of a sagardotegi to call my home.

(not so secretly i wonder who might venture to know the meaning of that peculiar word back there)




life is an aetheric yet palpable delight ...i hope you all are savoring it

...as well as helping create and share it



~~smooch~~


be cool, y'all

hello all you beautiful souls in SG land


it's time again to wander inside my mind




today is a likable day



if for no other reason than that's what I feel




the daylight fills this room
and wood from blessed trees warms its soul
and mine

i give thanks to those trees
and others
for their fruit and their fire
and eventually their shade

I give thanks for these rugs beneath my feet
in one I noticed a detail i'd never before seen
a black mark
a rectangle
and the only one on the entire rug
this rug, woven by one or many
of a tribe in the mountains of Persia
(or so I've been told)

such a mystery
the stories woven into rugs
of the earth and above the earth

on the best ones we play
and pray
and fly


in other, but related, news


idle no more


you should know what that means

and if you don't
ask google
or the sky
or the trees



we are all children of many tribes
but all of one earth

what stories do you weave?
what mark is your life?



myself
I am a bastard child
of strong, kind bulls
and lost bohemian gypsies
abandoned to the suburbs
but rediscovered in a forest
and by the spirits in the soil
i am a sibling to my brothers and sisters
critters and wood
wind and water
fire and rock


blessings to them and all the directions


we survived yet another apocalypse
yesterday, today and tomorrow
always a time to begin anew





To Earth!!
To Life!!
To LOVE!!


cheers

hmmm, it's update time, i s'pose.

It's past 2 pm and I'm still lingering in bed. I have virtually no work lined up this week, which is a blessing of sorts in that I get some much needed time to relax, but the loss of income always makes me a little nervous. Still, it's better to embrace the blessing than swim in the fear.

So, I'm still in bed. I did get clothed a few hours back and fed the cat, but not much else. The house is a little cold, but not enough so to inspire a fire. I opened a curtain, laid down and opened the laptop. Facecrack, the news and SG stole away so many hours, though surprising little sunbreaks poured through my window and warmed my toes, somehow making me feel like I'm doing something significant. The sun is a lovely thing that way. It lit up my room when I woke. Before I even opened my eyes, I could feel it, and I smiled. In two hours it will again be dark. I keep telling myself I need to get up earlier, but even when I've tried, the almost perpetually overcast winter sky made it feel like I was never really quite awake but just sleepwalking in some surreally mundane dream. So, a little sunshine does seem significant, even if for just forty three seconds or so. In those moments, my melatonin takes a nap, and I become awake and aware. Suddenly the nuances are distinct rather than so muddled and muted.



And again the grey clouds thicken, my toes huddle beneath a blanket and my thoughts wander off to seek the sun.


Anyway...

netflix has been kind lately...



and... (the official trailer doesn't do it justice)



(i kinda like the subtitles)

and...




...they're all streaming


I feel like I ought to be going out more, but the musical offerings, for whatever reason, have been just so enh lately (either that, or they conflict with the papa gig ...case in point: Cat Power in pdx). So, it's movies and listening to music at home, meditating by the woodstove and getting creative in the kitchen. Of course, that's just for the times when I'm not either working or having my kids. Work is quickly losing its charm, making me dream more of brewing ciders (i'm happy to see cider culture blossoming again ...just wish I had been in a financial position to make it happen back when I knew it was all about to take off). And the papa gig, is always amazing ...even when my soul is suffocated by driving and cleaning ...I don't write much of them here, my kids, but rest assured, they rock my world.

okay, i'm about done rambling for today. Tomorrow is december and that big solstice is creeping ever closer. I'm so down for a return of the light.


be well out there

ugh, that old post is getting tattered and dusty

...time for a new one


let's see...

it's winter, or damn near close enough

I actually read somewhere that the concept of seasons has gone through a variety of phases in nearly every culture. Around here, there's pretty much rainy and not-rainy (or at least that's my current paradigm ...come spring things will be undoubtedly different )

but anyway, let's call it winter ...it's rainy ...and cold ...and dark

dreary? ...I rather not play that way, but the mood does grip me from time to time

for now, I'm in a phase of blissful solitude ...even if only for a matter of survival



the relationship, if that is what it was, had to come to an end ...c'est la vie

so, as a parent and not a player,
I alone will now warm my bed and hearth
until fate happens upon me
a particularly extra special new friend

which may not be until spring (or even the time of non-rain ...or maybe even a distant lifetime yet unknown!) ...eegads, indeed


so, I reacquaint myself with my hearths, both inner and outer, my breath, my tea and my mind

it's a delightful practice ...almost trancelike in the surreal passage of time


speaking of which
i have to work too soon in the morning


sweet dreams, divine dreamers

Here I am again, neglectful of my duty to keep all you hungry readers satiated with regular updates about my oh-so-intriguing life.

I'll endeavor to dress up the mundane a bit in order to make it seem a bit more worthwhile.

Ahh, well now, last time I was here I had rambled on a bit about a break-up and my radical excursions into ancient rejuvenative health practices. Summer was still in high gear. I was a focused and ambitious, happy little fool.

Since then...

...well, there have been moments of soaring, as well as crashing, but as it is now, I think I'm more or less roosting ...or nesting, perhaps? Migration is not really an option, so hunker down and ready myself for winter I must. I will miss warm summer nights on the back porch, meditating for hours with the stars ...dancing barefoot on the dewy grass and spinning in the moonlight ...short mid-day breaks of laying out in the blissedly hot sunshine, drawing beads of sweat up from deep in my flesh ...being tanned, and thin ...watering my garden and revering the grand leafy trees in my yard

goodbye summer, my old friend ...until we meet again


hello autumn, for to call you fall might imply a crash

...which, I'd rather avoid

so, much to do
to ready this nest
but all will be well
it's palpable, I believe


Already my health is quite improved, and stress rarely throws me off balance for very long. I seem to have regenerated some bounce, which is a nice attribute to have at this age; something too often taken for granted in my youth. The heartbreak had yielded an opportunity to grow, and I dove right into it. I embraced the pain and anguish, and let my heart grow wide. It was really quite a liberating and endearing process. And through it all, somehow she and I again crossed paths. We became friends for a bit. And then, something happened, and now maybe we're more ...maybe? It's a delight to kiss her and share bits of time. I'm learning to be content with that; embracing those little moments of deliciousness and being. Soon enough we could gaze and melt quietly into the flames of my hearth, or wrap around each other beneath layers of blankets and the steady sound of falling rain. Or it all might end tomorrow or the next day. Either way, I'm ok. Within every falling raindrop is the promise of spring. But for now, I'll delight in her smile and the everlasting twinkle in her eyes, the smell of her shoulders and the clever charm of her buoyant mind.

hmmm, the songs keep changing, and so too do my thoughts.


wash my dish and finish my wine
retire the music
clean my teeth, center my soul and focus my qi
tomorrow is another day of work and play
but first, I dream


namaste n shit, yo