dare I say it?

I mean, I don't want jinx it

but, two dates in

and I think I'm already falling in love


I was so determined to remain focused on my tasks at hand

but life had much greater plans

And so fun how it all played out

divine little coincidences every step along the way



oh, she makes me melt and leaves me breathless

with just a glance
a touch
or a kiss



that's what's new with me

ok, so it's been far too long since I put much heart into one of these

tonite, i remedy that



it seemed from far off that this day was destined for auspicity

yet sometimes things align

and other times they collide




today, nay, this week has been more collision than alignment


ahhh, but where to begin?

haven't i already written this before?


no, this was a different week entirely


from ram das to roller derby

mighty mice and tenacious little ants

transmutational hearths, and millennial music from India

writhing under houses

and playing with trays of regrettably fake mud




and a missed party
that once a year affair
but where am i
in my mind

?

papa is tired
and ma belly is all grumpy
this tea loves me
water warmed on top of the woodstove


pandora is plugged into ustad ahmjad ali khan (and doing quite well with the mix)



i do still need to find my way to some externally applied hot water
(that under-house funk somehow found me beneath all my layers of clothes, gloves, respirator, bandana, headlamp and safety glasses)

ya see, I was meant to be evicting some mice from a friend's rental property …i took it on as a favor at first, unaware of the places it would take me


the underside of an old, old house is not a fun place to be


ah, but now i have tea

(did i mention that?)


actually, I don't

(not warm enough yet


…so i stoked the dying embers and added another log or three to that plate steel behemoth of calcination)





beatrice bruises introduced me to my first live derby bout

(yep, how cool is that??)


that shit is sick
(derby, that is …and, well, my luck)


anyway,
i get it now, girls …derby is uber-doober awesome …we have an accord



…and i watched a derby doc last nite …blood on the flattrack: rise of the rat

2006 era, seattle scene

good footage and interviews n' shit




i give it a noobie thumbs up


but i'm not really obsessing about it

really



mostly, i've been working

and working

and driving my kids around

and cooking and cleaning

and cleaning and cooking

and working

and other obligatory activities too banal to itemize


except:

seeing the coup this last wednesday



(not entirely epic, but a better than average show, and I just needed an excuse to go out and work some funk out on the floor)

and a little rework of my altar as i remembered some passed friends …and past ones, too





ah, now my tea is hot, and that fire is kicking out some serious heat

ok

new plan

stoke this fucker up
strip down and deeply warm my muscles just enough to tolerate that brief chill of the hall and bathroom before the hot water does its trick

then reread and edit this silly blogito before I hit "share"

ready?

…break!


.
.
.
.
.
.
.





yesss, very good indeed


80 degrees in the living room (my carbon footprint is offset by the 45 degree bedrooms --gah, i should include celsius for you non-farenheit folks …lessee ...27 and 7)


well enough of my mental monkeys flinging poo all over your screen

i'm off to tune into my achy belly and get cozy with my breath


oh, and zakir hussain…

yeah, that dude kicks some tabla ass


...couldn't make up my mind on a vid for him, so ya get anoushka shankar instead ...she also kicks ass, but sitar ass, not tabla ...annnd she's much cuter to look at

okay, it's time to get blogalicious, but fuck, what dare I ramble about?

Life isn't all that spectacular or terrible, I s'pose. I've been brewing a bit lately; playing with some rockin' maple syrup i'm getting from a mutual friend's family plantation and setting my sights on eventually going commercial with a few select potions. So, that's new and almost exciting. Another friend just got back from a truly amazing trip to India and is all kinds of pumped up to brew cider, and I'm down for that, too. I'm also thinking of doing a trifecta and adding mead to the mix to keep shit rollin' year round. But for now, it's just the grind ...self-imposed austerity n' budgets n' shit. I hope someday I can look back on these days and feel like I more than paid my dues for whatever reasonable degree of success I aspire to achieve.

Not much to report on the dating sphere, but i think word is spreading through the ethers that I'm single and available ...the ladies they be peeking out of the woodwork, so to speak. I'm in no hurry for anything, though ...but the interest is flattering, I gotta say.

Me kiddos are cool, as usual. The middle dude is hitting that stage where hugging his parents isn't cool, but the upside is that my oldest grrl is outta that phase finally and is happy to give me big long happy-bliss hugs ...warms my heart, I tell ya. And the youngest fella, well i wouldn't be surprised if he never goes through that phase ...a total snuggle hound, that one. The holiday break with them has been a complete exercise in slack. Last week the usual time limits for electronics were suspended, and by the time they went back to their mama after four days here they all had total zombie eyes ...kinda funny were it not so scary that that is a reality for so many kids. I got them Skyrim, Portal II and Bioshock for the xbox and minecraft for my youngest. Add a stack of anime dvd's from netflix, and there is no way that a cold rainy day could possibly tempt them away from the couch. Next week it's back to early morning drives, late evening ballet classes and homework ...yay.


But first, NYE ...papa is kid-free and going out ...and realizing he needs to really make his brew biz fly so that he can buy some new threads. Still, I'm looking forward to groovin' and whoopin' with my peeps ...lotsa potential fun on the itinerary.

2012 ...bring it


oh, and some pix from recent late-nite wanderings...

I'm rather thankful that storm has passed, reminding me of the final scene in Betty Blue, where Zorg returns to the serenity of his solo existence. Mine wasn't entirely serene, what with picking up my wild childs from their mama's. But me and my three do well together, and between them and my friends, they're all the love I need for now. I really did just get too attached to a feeling I got from being with someone entirely wrong for me. I regret allowing my emotions to consume me, making it more difficult to see the big picture or now look back on the situation as merely a joyfully transient fling.

Beyond that, life is looking up ...the season of good live music and entertainment has finally returned to this end of the valley, and for that, I am happy as a clam. I stand out from the more usual festival-loving folks that generally rule this town. For I like the pub on a cold, wet night. Give me eclectic music, good cider, wine n' beer and friendly cozy cheer.

I wish my finances were more flush, but there is reason to hope in that category ...am waiting to hear back on a big swanky bathroom remodel and house sitting whilst the client is off on vacation for a month --nice to know people with money, I tell ya.

okay, time for a new post and a big time rant

I think i've finally reached the age where I just don't give a shit about how inappropriate I may seem for standing up against what's not right.


That bold honesty may prove to be my undoing, but fuck it, I've got nothing to lose by being real.

See, I went out one night with a friend about 6 or 8 months ago, not looking for anything other than good music, drink and conversation. Then some young thing decides that I'm the bee's knees and proceeds to chat me up. By the end of the night she has coaxed me into giving her my number. We eventually hang out, have sex and more sex and find some kind of spectacular spark. But I'm old and damaged and cautious and not apt to give away my heart so freely and foolishly like I did when I was young. Still, time passes on, and we spend more of it together, and she begs to me to share more of my life with her. I acquiesce gradually, admitting to myself how fond i've grown of her. When her birthday rolls around in late september, I step up in a huge way, baking her a special dinner, with a gluten-free chocolate cake (fucking tasty, too, I should say), phenomenal sex in the kitchen, expensive lingerie, a full body massage and more amazing sex. Then, life switches gears, her university courses resume. My birthday comes up, and I get a cold. The next week she gets a cold. Weeks pass and we don't see each other. More weeks pass, we make plans and she backs out. Texts and emails mostly go unanswered, and what little responses I get are curt and emotionless. Eventually, i get frustrated by the mixed messages she's sending, and my passion unleashes a tirade on how confusing she's being.

Finally, I get a response, but it's just about the nature of how I said what needed to be said. I apologize for my tone, but stick to the genuine and salient griefs. I suggest we meet and talk and avoid the perils of email, to which plans are made and again she breaks with minimal communication and no real explanation.

I din't expect to fall in love with this person ...i even tried not to

but fate is funny that way. I kept writing , but more calmly ...about my feelings and hopes and fondness for what we shared ..but again without reply.

So, i get frustrated again tonight and challenge her to own her shit. I write yet another letter, but don't hold any punches (figuratively, for i'm a gentle man, through and through)


meanwhile, this keeps playing in my head, and it follows me throughout my day, popping up in random places

shouldn't there be some unspoken law that it's not right to fuck with the hearts of righteous single dads?

ok sure yeah


illl write about that


how…


my mind was thinking something


about something quite specific


and i could not find an apparent answer


but life twisted and turned


and showed me what i needed to see


from different angles and eyes


and now i know





it's time to...?

scout's coming to my town! scout's coming to my town!

it's just about time, no?

Well, I suppose it's time that I update this little dealie-o. And though little has changed since the last blog, or at least in terms of work's dominance over my daily life this summer, it's good to make time to reflect and share n shit (...even though I really ought be sleeping, for tomorrow will be full and starting early)

eeegads, i'm just spewing out words and attempting to be clever, yet not saying much of anything of substance ...my apologies ...truly

but what can I say, really?

what do you want to know?


I could bitch about all the shortcomings of the SG mobile app, which is something I'm quite versed in. I rarely resuscitate my laptop anymore, but it means having to make sacrifices ...of which, one is the aforementioned app and how it won't allow peeps to explore posted links or <ahem> update one's blog ....how terribly unfortunate, no?

ok now, that aside...

...and on to more prudent ponderings


oh, but that's dangerous, what with all my radical and peculiar inclinations ...politics, art, food, religion, science, child rearing ...take your pick, because I can't really make up my mind ....and whoa, look at the time ...i seem to remember needing sleep

does this suffice?

ok, here ..how's this? ...i look forward to winter nights; finding warmth in a cozy pub and immersing myself in the joys of crowd and stage ...summer festival schmestival ...give me a dark rainy chill, a pint of dry cider, a full house of cheer and bohemian troubadours from another dimension

but the sun is cool, too

work work work work work work work work work work work

...bleh