This is my typical Saturday night:
I get into work at 5pm. I greet the departing clerk and talk "geek" with him for a few minutes as the morning manager does shift change. He's into Transformers and 80s cartoons, the morning clerk, neither of which are really my "thing" anymore but I'm a comic book guy so our interests overlap, especially lately since I have a tendency to litter the store with whatever comic books I bought that week, and I leave 'em there for weeks at a time, which means that, by Saturday, half the clerks in the store are caught up on Batman & Robin or Blackest Night or whatever the fuck I'm hot for this month. This often leads to a lot of Q&A sessions where I get to flex my comic geek muscles and elaborate on mainstream comic book history ("Who is the Flamingo? Actually he's a character that Grant Morrison briefly cameoed in Batman #666 and...").
Anyway, that happens, and then the shift manager "opens" the store for the evening shift, often mutters something about needing a drink, and then they're both gone, clerk and manager, and I'm all alone in the store.
One of two things happens at this point:
1) Nothing. No one shows up for hours, and I get to re-enact THE BREAKFAST CLUB all by myself. I usually get by reading all those aforementioned comic books. Or,
2) A giggling gaggle of young white kids or older black women (I'm not being "racist," it's always in this arrangement) arrive in a non-stop continuous stream, and different groupings of them too, for the first 3-4 hours, and then the stream becomes a trickle and then eventually they all stop arriving, at least until midnight (when we're trying to close), and the time in-between is taken up with the store's usual demographic: single older men, gay and straight, shame faced and apologetic and acting as if they'd never been in a porn store before, even if I saw them there last week...
That's where I work, by the way. I work at a porn store, an "Adult Novelties Store," but frankly that sounds stupid so I usually just say porn store.
Anyway, when #2 happens, I tend to have a very long night. (Insert poop joke here)
I should probably get a few things out of the way first. I realize I'm inured to a lot of this stuff because I'm exposed to it on a continual basis, the "novelty" is lost on me.
I've never used a sex toy, on myself or on any of my partners, nor have I ever even seen one in use except on film. I test them at work -put batteries in them to make sure they function- before I allow them to leave the store because, well, we don't have a return policy, but that's as much experience as I have with our "novelties." I'm not opposed to toys, I just never found myself wanting to use one, nor have I ever had a partner who requested them, just never happened. I'm explaining all this because I want to communicate that I'm not biased towards toys at all.
I know that I'm *way* more open minded about sex than is the societal norm, especially for a guy. I think that's society's problem and not mine.
I acknowledge and appreciate the inherent "skeeviness" of an establishment like this, not just our clientele but many of the people that work in these kinds of stores. This kind of industry attracts deviant minded folks, the kinds of folks that couldn't hold down a job anywhere else, mostly because of it's underground/marginalized nature -but the porn industry is hardly alone in this regard. Go into a comic book shop one day, or a geek store, or a head shop, and try to imagine the person over the counter (usually foul smelling, usually surly, possibly hungover) waiting on you at Border's or Belk's...
Nor I'm I proud of my job in any way, but neither am I ashamed of it. It's just a job. It pays my bills. I didn't choose it because it fit my "identity" in any way or as a statement against anything. It's an easy job (with shit hours lately), and, with the exception of one trip to Adam & Eve's when I was only 17 and still a virgin, nothing about sex or sex toys makes me blush or giggle...
I just don't find any of this stuff to be funny. The dildoes, the vibrators, the masturbation sleeves (okay, the dolls are still kinda funny, yes, I will judge you for that one...). We're tool using creatures, us human beings -in fact we rely overmuch on our tools, I think- but whenever someone comes into the store and sneers at a vibrating bullet or an anal plug or whatever and they say "Why would anyone use *that*?" I usually (put down my comic book) and say, "Why do you use a fork and knife when you eat?"
I know that I'm not gonna get a lot of mileage out of comparing sex to eating, not in this society, but I think the comparison is valid. Mind you I have a view of sex as a utilitarian thing, something that human beings *have* to do for the sake of their physical and mental health and to ensure the continued survival of the species in general and one's genes in particular. Even taking the procreation angle out of it, it's indisputable that sex, and lots of it, is good for you. I've *never* been ashamed of sex or nudity, the benefit of growing up in a household with a lapsed Catholic mother and an adventurer of a father who was also a great storyteller (if one not terribly mindful of his young audience). I was always curious about sex, perhaps overly so, but I never associated it with "sin" or "guilt" or "being dirty." Nor do I consider it an expression of love (necessarily, although it can be), or a consummation of one's feelings, etc. I've had great sex with people I otherwise didn't like very much, and I've had terrible sex with women who claimed to love me. Sex with an ulterior motive (to win another's affection, devotion, etc) is disgusting to me, and as exploitative (to my mind) as sex for money. Society accepts this kind of thing, sex as a reward, but I do not. To me, sex is only just as necessary as food, sleep, and shelter, and should be approached in that vein...
Within reason of course: one should never force or coerce another into having sex, or force *themselves* to have it because, if nothing else, both partners should be in the proper state of mind to enjoy each other... rape is obviously a no-no (and usually isn't about the sex itself anyway, and is a whole other topic), but also "guilt" sex, "break up" sex, relations of that nature... I've done that kind of thing before, and always felt very demeaned afterward.
If nothing else, you can always just masturbate.
Which, of course, brings us back to my industry and why it exists. My kind of store has plenty of things to facilitate play time between partners, but anyone who knows anything in this industry knows it thrives on the single man, and woman, or even the sexually frustrated partner who doesn't want to leave their relationship, looking for something other than their hands and their daydreams to get them through their natural biological urges. Maybe one day people will stop feeling ashamed about it, and in the same way no one raises an eyebrow at elaborate three course meals (bread and water and cheese, with fruits and vegetables thrown in every once in a while would suffice), or at Queen sized beds with sleep numbers (all one needs is a flat surface), or at expensive GQ/Vogue fashions (you only need to stay warm right?), maybe the next generation, or the one after that, or the one after that, will realize that sex isn't always about love, or being accepted, or about being cool or whatever. Nor is it a sin, a necessary evil, an embarrassing thing that has to be hidden lest it demoralize all of society. Sex, to me at least, is a wonderful physical experience that one ideally shares with a friend -no more, no less- but not all of us sleep on cots and eat food out of a bowl with our bare hands...
I get into work at 5pm. I greet the departing clerk and talk "geek" with him for a few minutes as the morning manager does shift change. He's into Transformers and 80s cartoons, the morning clerk, neither of which are really my "thing" anymore but I'm a comic book guy so our interests overlap, especially lately since I have a tendency to litter the store with whatever comic books I bought that week, and I leave 'em there for weeks at a time, which means that, by Saturday, half the clerks in the store are caught up on Batman & Robin or Blackest Night or whatever the fuck I'm hot for this month. This often leads to a lot of Q&A sessions where I get to flex my comic geek muscles and elaborate on mainstream comic book history ("Who is the Flamingo? Actually he's a character that Grant Morrison briefly cameoed in Batman #666 and...").
Anyway, that happens, and then the shift manager "opens" the store for the evening shift, often mutters something about needing a drink, and then they're both gone, clerk and manager, and I'm all alone in the store.
One of two things happens at this point:
1) Nothing. No one shows up for hours, and I get to re-enact THE BREAKFAST CLUB all by myself. I usually get by reading all those aforementioned comic books. Or,
2) A giggling gaggle of young white kids or older black women (I'm not being "racist," it's always in this arrangement) arrive in a non-stop continuous stream, and different groupings of them too, for the first 3-4 hours, and then the stream becomes a trickle and then eventually they all stop arriving, at least until midnight (when we're trying to close), and the time in-between is taken up with the store's usual demographic: single older men, gay and straight, shame faced and apologetic and acting as if they'd never been in a porn store before, even if I saw them there last week...
That's where I work, by the way. I work at a porn store, an "Adult Novelties Store," but frankly that sounds stupid so I usually just say porn store.
Anyway, when #2 happens, I tend to have a very long night. (Insert poop joke here)
I should probably get a few things out of the way first. I realize I'm inured to a lot of this stuff because I'm exposed to it on a continual basis, the "novelty" is lost on me.
I've never used a sex toy, on myself or on any of my partners, nor have I ever even seen one in use except on film. I test them at work -put batteries in them to make sure they function- before I allow them to leave the store because, well, we don't have a return policy, but that's as much experience as I have with our "novelties." I'm not opposed to toys, I just never found myself wanting to use one, nor have I ever had a partner who requested them, just never happened. I'm explaining all this because I want to communicate that I'm not biased towards toys at all.
I know that I'm *way* more open minded about sex than is the societal norm, especially for a guy. I think that's society's problem and not mine.
I acknowledge and appreciate the inherent "skeeviness" of an establishment like this, not just our clientele but many of the people that work in these kinds of stores. This kind of industry attracts deviant minded folks, the kinds of folks that couldn't hold down a job anywhere else, mostly because of it's underground/marginalized nature -but the porn industry is hardly alone in this regard. Go into a comic book shop one day, or a geek store, or a head shop, and try to imagine the person over the counter (usually foul smelling, usually surly, possibly hungover) waiting on you at Border's or Belk's...
Nor I'm I proud of my job in any way, but neither am I ashamed of it. It's just a job. It pays my bills. I didn't choose it because it fit my "identity" in any way or as a statement against anything. It's an easy job (with shit hours lately), and, with the exception of one trip to Adam & Eve's when I was only 17 and still a virgin, nothing about sex or sex toys makes me blush or giggle...
I just don't find any of this stuff to be funny. The dildoes, the vibrators, the masturbation sleeves (okay, the dolls are still kinda funny, yes, I will judge you for that one...). We're tool using creatures, us human beings -in fact we rely overmuch on our tools, I think- but whenever someone comes into the store and sneers at a vibrating bullet or an anal plug or whatever and they say "Why would anyone use *that*?" I usually (put down my comic book) and say, "Why do you use a fork and knife when you eat?"
I know that I'm not gonna get a lot of mileage out of comparing sex to eating, not in this society, but I think the comparison is valid. Mind you I have a view of sex as a utilitarian thing, something that human beings *have* to do for the sake of their physical and mental health and to ensure the continued survival of the species in general and one's genes in particular. Even taking the procreation angle out of it, it's indisputable that sex, and lots of it, is good for you. I've *never* been ashamed of sex or nudity, the benefit of growing up in a household with a lapsed Catholic mother and an adventurer of a father who was also a great storyteller (if one not terribly mindful of his young audience). I was always curious about sex, perhaps overly so, but I never associated it with "sin" or "guilt" or "being dirty." Nor do I consider it an expression of love (necessarily, although it can be), or a consummation of one's feelings, etc. I've had great sex with people I otherwise didn't like very much, and I've had terrible sex with women who claimed to love me. Sex with an ulterior motive (to win another's affection, devotion, etc) is disgusting to me, and as exploitative (to my mind) as sex for money. Society accepts this kind of thing, sex as a reward, but I do not. To me, sex is only just as necessary as food, sleep, and shelter, and should be approached in that vein...
Within reason of course: one should never force or coerce another into having sex, or force *themselves* to have it because, if nothing else, both partners should be in the proper state of mind to enjoy each other... rape is obviously a no-no (and usually isn't about the sex itself anyway, and is a whole other topic), but also "guilt" sex, "break up" sex, relations of that nature... I've done that kind of thing before, and always felt very demeaned afterward.
If nothing else, you can always just masturbate.
Which, of course, brings us back to my industry and why it exists. My kind of store has plenty of things to facilitate play time between partners, but anyone who knows anything in this industry knows it thrives on the single man, and woman, or even the sexually frustrated partner who doesn't want to leave their relationship, looking for something other than their hands and their daydreams to get them through their natural biological urges. Maybe one day people will stop feeling ashamed about it, and in the same way no one raises an eyebrow at elaborate three course meals (bread and water and cheese, with fruits and vegetables thrown in every once in a while would suffice), or at Queen sized beds with sleep numbers (all one needs is a flat surface), or at expensive GQ/Vogue fashions (you only need to stay warm right?), maybe the next generation, or the one after that, or the one after that, will realize that sex isn't always about love, or being accepted, or about being cool or whatever. Nor is it a sin, a necessary evil, an embarrassing thing that has to be hidden lest it demoralize all of society. Sex, to me at least, is a wonderful physical experience that one ideally shares with a friend -no more, no less- but not all of us sleep on cots and eat food out of a bowl with our bare hands...
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
sadista:
Hey, just a little tip: when you're wanting to reply to a comment on your blog, you click on the profile pic of the person you want to reply to and post your reply on their blog. Otherwise if you're just posting your reply on your own blog, they will never see it unless they happen to go back to your page for some reason.
appetite:
yes, I waste a few nights a week at College Hill... so that must be where I've seen you.