I'm bAAAAaaaaaaack.

RROD.
Plain and simple.
For those of you who have had it happen, or as faboys/girls tell everyone that it is just an anti-xbox myth, I was one of you until yesterday.
Woke up much like today, a couple hours later than desired, grabbed some breaky and oj and sat down to watch a dvd, 2 minutes into the dvd BANG.
A weird skippy noise, then the image was frozen. When I pressed the eject button hoping it would correct itself blue, then green, then code, then red lights.
Restart. Red Lights.
Leave it for a day, still red lights.

I REFUSE TO SEND IT TO MICROSOFT. I have 7 days left on my warranty and no Walmart within 100 miles has a premium box. All they have left is the arcade, Microsoft's brilliant [COUGH]gimped[/COUGH] holiday bundle.
No HDD, wired controller, compilation of arcade games and a memory card. I don't even know if it has HDMI.
Brilliant.
It is a Microsoft conspiracy to pad their install base numbers for the season.

Those who know me know there are only three people on this earth authorized to buy me vinyl, one licensed for clothing and no one for art or apartment dealies.
So that means the family xmas coming and all Yule gifts are of the film and game nature. In the interest of streamlining my posessions I got rid of my dvd player *which didn't upscale anyways* so now I am out a way to interact with either medium in the holiday sense. I was just getting near the end of Bioshock and was looking forward to Mass Effect by the Yule log later this week.
Wii and retro gaming is not gonna cut it...
If I can just find one at a Walmart somewhere I will be set. I can just re-box the old one and bring it back in a couple weeks (they have a no questions asked return policy on defective equipment within 90 days) but in this season it is almost impossible.
No Halo on the eve is a tragedy my poor heart cannot stand to bear...



ADDENDUM: It's a Yuletide miracle!!!!!! It fixed itself. I turned it on and it fixed itself! BAHHHHH!

ok. i'm done.

Edit #2: It did it again, and fixed itself again. Seems to only happen when I watch movies...
Fuck. I am totally kidding myself here. There is no way it will last the month.

Ugh.
I am so tired of papers.
Every one of them just feels like a rehash of something I have already written before.
I have been staring at a blank screen intermittently between finding things to eat, re-arrange, pack and read in a conscious effort to avoid doing my work.
Man I wish I could be a musical genius and then I could niddle away on my powerbook and fiddle with organs and guitars and such all day rather than doing this crap.
Oh well, only 3 more days of this till it is all over.
Just need to focus.
Damn my procrastination.
Am I the only one who always waits till the last minute to do their schoolwork?
It feels like it sometimes.
On the upside my dear friend Jessy showed up this eve bearing gifts of such wonderful delight that I dare not speak their names.
Once the work is done, only then may I indulge.
Also: still no word on what the fuck that french cat movie is called...
That shit is weighing heavy on my mind. lol
Final thought:

So yeah. She found it.
I am pleased.
Back to sanity, or as close to it as I ever get anyways.
Ugh, need to get this work done so I can actually have some free time to myself.
I still haven't beaten Bioshock or Halo 3, don't tell anyone though ok? It's our little secret.
I haven't had time to put in more than a couple hours on either, been so busy for the last couple months.
Will be so happy when the xmas holidays hit.
So this morning was interesting. Had a wee friend of mine knocking on my door at 7 am as she had just left from an afterhours and didn't feel like going home quite yet.
That is a nice feeling, having casual friends just drop by to snuggle and watch old movies or listen to some old ragtime/blues while passing in and out of consciousness.
I am glad I am that boy.
That boy is a nice boy to be.

Also: I find myself remembering this weird animated movie about cats in paris. I am not talking about the Aristocats as many have suggested. It was done in a unique art style and was about this one main cat and his little cat sidekick, as well as his love interest in a female cat who had an attitude. Sounds like every movie ever right? Fuck. That is the problem. My ineptness at desciption. The art style was all solid shapes or pastel paints with basic lines. I used to watch it all the time when I was little but now I can't find it for the life of me. So yeah, little help?
The film looks like this character here:
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And this guy was too cute to pass up when i was searching.

So yeah, life is pretty interesting at the moment. Exciting, good with the bad. I currently live above a severely alzheimer's ridden, portuguese lady who doesn't speak a word of english. She is my landlady. So thus, in her state she feels perfectly set to open up my apartment and walk through it randomly in the middle of the night in a confused stupor? Fantastic huh? lol
On the upside this forces me to find a new place and pair down everything I own to shrink my footprint, which has turned out to be extremely therapeutic. I am really optimistic about a new place. I can't wait, and I know that fate, the goddess, whatever you want to call it will have good things for me.
I am also excited about a new afterhours I will be spinning at. It is just a small upstart thing on college and dovercourt, but I can play whatever I want as I will be providing the equipment and am the night's only dj thus far. So yeah, on the remote chance that anyone living in Toronto might breeze by this, if you are free saturday night after 2 come check it out. It will be good times. Lots of electro, soulful house, cheesy techno, oldschool hip hop, disco *the proper kind*, new wave and maybe even some bad slow jams if i see people getting close/intoxicated enough for it.
Finally, I am really gearing up to get on this music thing. A friend and I always talk about it, we have been working slowly on projects for almost three years now, but they are always making excuses and so am I. I think the only way anything is really going to happen is if we both do things on our own, then maybe come together. It will be better that way anyways. That said, I need to work on my mastering of ableton, get a new soundcard and some kind of input device so I can do more than just guitars and drum arrangements. If anyone has a cheap mpc or even just an old m-box they aren't using, I wouldn't mind throwing some cash at them and making the equipment disappear ;-)
The only thing that is kind of off is my perspective on relationships. i don't really see the need for one at all, and I think i have lost all interest in monogamy.Jealousy strikes me as being fairly selfish actually. To profess you love someone and then attempt to control whom they spend time with and what sort of connections they make doesn't seem like something a true friend would do. But then the inverse, damn couplist media, I saw this kiss last night while watching the first season of heroes, and it looked really good. Like not just sexy but really warm and inviting. That I do miss. I suppose I would only consider being in a relationship if the person I was with had views similar to my own, which seems really unlikely.
Either way I have lots of great friends and have met a lot of cute new people to get to know in the meantime, school is going well and at the moment I am pretty motivated.
So as long as this motivation lasts and I can find a new place before snow falls all should be well.

This is an excerpt from another person's writing, but when I read it i found it strangely parallel to how I have been feeling as of late. I don't have many friends in here, so it's not like I am reaching out to anyone, but I think it will be a little cathartic to put it out there anyways because this guy totally stole my inner thoughts:

"Today, tonight, lately, I've realised something very important.

I don't get out of bed until late, these days. I mean, I've always told people I was happy. I've always told myself I'm happy.

But I'm not. I never was. I mean, I'm happy at times, and I'm sorrounded by good people, and I've been blessed a lot. I know that. I've been given opportunities and chances that would make life seem unfair, and it's lately I've been capitalising on them.

I've always been so sure. Like I knew where I was going, where I wanted to be, and I don't know how or why. I just did. I was born believing I could do a lot and I could do this one amazing thing better than anything...and I found it.

But it doesn't make me happy in all the ways I thought it would. I mean, I guess I'll be succesful, and I should be lamenting during a mid-life crisis and not now, but...

It seems like I could have everything I wanted as a kid. Success, money, a big house, nice things. Where I could buy anything I wanted, and be anyone I wanted. I guess, after awhile, that's all I ever wanted.

I...suffer from a lack of confidence sometimes. I'm always second guessing myself, and I never let anyone know it. You spend all your time being the person people turn to for answers, but...who am I going to turn to? Pride gets in the way, too. Even when I desperately need help I won't ask for it.

But lately, things have been different. In my pursuit of success and dreams, I've found myself left woefully alone. I don't know what happened. I changed as a person, I guess. But I am alone. I'm smart and capable of doing anything in my life except solve my own damn problems.

I guess that runs with the territory. I wish, so much, it didn't have to be that way. I'd almost give up everything for it not to be that way."


"I'll wake up and like every day before it, that that day will be a little different. That I'll learn something. That I'll work towards overcoming the biggest challenge in my life, myself.

Have...you ever walked outside on a Fall day when there were no clouds and it was cool and you just paused what you were doing, looked up at the sky, and... everything would make sense for that moment? "

The only difference is they said that they were in a perpetual state of understanding after realising this, whereas I am quite the opposite...even knowing all of this I don't have resolution. I don't know how to change it. I need help but I don't know how to ask and even more importantly, I don't think i know how to accept help from anyone.

Hey you know what's awesome? Wii.
Pure and simple. I admit I had my doubts but I haven't been so entertained and enthusiastic about a title as I am about Twilight Princess since Shadow of the Colossus came out for the ps2.
BTW, for those who already have a Wii, my wii number is 1836 1075 5872 7394
Add me if you want and let me know so I can add you also.
Cause at the moment I have no wii friends, and that makes mii sad..