So just before the holidays my legs decided to randomly crap out on me in a really painful way. After a week in hospital it was decided my partial paralysis was due to a herniated disc, and as soon as my very expensive health insurance decided to retroactively not pay, they sent me on my merry way - with some groovy painkillers in hand.

This whole experience has taught me two things: Don't expect your health insurance company to be there when you actually need them, and be wary of watching horror movies on valium.

The first of those may be self explanatory, so let me expand on the latter.

I first became aware of the interesting side effects of my doctor prescribed medication when I took my nightly pain killer/sleep aid after watching Twilight: Eclipse on DVD. That night I dreamt I was being chased by werewolves who then - for no particular reason - turned into an army of hot looking, crazed fembots. I know, I know, I deserve nothing less after watching anything that has anything to do with Kristen Stewart (who, let's face it, acts like a robot), but that was nothing compared to my next dream...

So a couple of days ago Missy assigns me an interview with the guy who did the music for the cult horror flick Santa Sangre. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Alejandro Jodorowsky-directed trip, it's about a boy brought up in the circus whose hands become possessed by his dead armless mother. Unfortunately mom doesn't approve of the GFs he brings home, and a hacking spree ensues.



Now, before I share the details of the dream that followed my late night viewing of this surrealist masterpiece, I should throw out a few disclaimers: I'm of sound mind, and am a peace-loving soul without a violent bone in my body. However I can't be held responsible for what Jodorowsky pulls from my valium-affected subconscious.

After watching Santa Sangre, I dreamed I was a serial killer who set about killing twelve people using exploding dildos (the later detail being a reference to a news story I had recently discussed with a friend). I was carrying one of those aluminum suitcase like all the best hitmen use in the movies, however inside this one, instead of long range rifle, there was 12 large silver bullet-shaped sex toys primed and ready to do away with an unlucky dozen.

Thank god the dog woke me up before I did any actual damage....Obviously I need to either lay off the painkillers - or the dodgy DVDs. Before combining the two, my most disturbing dream had been about finding myself in bed with the Easter Bunny - who turned out to have more to offer than just chocolate - but that's a whole other blog entry....