It has been view that people, especially men in this culture are unwilling to share enough of there feelings and emotions and that this is not a stable habit. In this age of social networking sites though i can't help but feel that true expressions of emotion have been lost when people feel obliged to tell the general public there every emotion. It seem it is no longer is a healthy outlet but a way of asking for attention and becoming dependent to it so you can not function in everyday life with out 500 of your closest strangers knowing your every emotion and telling you that you will be okay. This seem to increase the rate of insecurity and self-deprecation instead of helping those in need.
To this note are my posts on here just as bad? Am i helping getting things of of my mind or am i just begging for approval? I love hating people but i also love to be wanted; quite a difficult dichotomy if you ask me (or rather if i ask me, but that makes me sound more psychotic than usual). In a way that makes this semi-new form of media the perfect tool for me. I can whine and bitch when i feel like it, and get some sort of consolation from people that i am not friends with on a day to day basis. Would it be better for me in the long run to befriend the people that bore the living shit out of me here in Pomona so i can a more "personal" relationship with the people i am using as my ad hoc psychologist? I like to justify it being an acceptable outlet for my thoughts because unlike a twitter or status update i am not forcing it down everyone's throat, you can choose to click on my blog and read it if you wish and if you don't want to here me moan you can just move on. I realize that the last two paragraphs have been full of rather rhetorical questions, but feel free to answer and or give input to any of them if you so wish.
Well now it is rime for the embarrassing and then more embarrassing thing i have been up to. I blame a combination of the Hallmark holiday known as valentines and my own ineptitude for it, but a few months ago i decided to set up a free account on eharmony (insert incredibly embarrassed bright red face here) of course once they sucker you in the door it is only a matter of time before they give you an offer for three months at a cheaper price and about a month later i was a member. Crap i feel awkward just writing this, maybe i should have listened to my own advice above and not written about my feelings. Until very recently i was kind of dating someone in Oregon, and there is kind of someone in San Francisco, but i assume i felt that if i did this i might be able to find someone in LA. Some of it is probably that i haven't had a full on "girl friend" in years. I have dated people and for short periods of time when we were in the same locations had monogamist relationships but nothing that serious. I find that the attempt of finding someone at a club/concert etc. really isn't the most practical approach and usually just ends in something that doesn't last more than a week. Back to the part about that dreaded website i was talking about. So to add insult to energy once on it i haven't actually gotten a single response from anyone. I have tried there strange little or deal of asking the first question or waiting for someone else to ask me. Haven't gotten a single response. Though i still love me it starts to bring into some question of what the fuck is wrong with me as a person? Though it is rather narcissistic of me i make the general assumption that i am not ugly and can even go on to stay i am at least some what attractive. This leads me to the next logical conclusion that there must be a problem with my personality and how i put myself forward into the world. Maybe i shouldn't care because i have managed to date some people recently and not everyone is opposed to me, but even still it is a bit disheartening. This leads me back to last weekend when i was at The Standard Hollywood at a party in the Purple Lounge. Given clubs probably not the best places to meet people but i have done it before to some success and i generally go for either finding a quieter are where i can talk to someone with out screaming in their ear or going outside and smoking where you can talk. Regardless the point of the story is the only people that showed any interest was a girl who it turned out was more trolling for her gay friend then anything else. Well that and here gay friend. Don't get me wrong i have nothing against gay guys, but it starts getting annoying as hell when you are straight and the gay guys think you are gay. What the hell am i doing wrong? I can take it as one thing when straight people think i am gay, whatever, they don't understand how i dress and i am not all about watching sports games, big deal. I on the other hand know i am not what so ever interested in men. I didn't grow up in a conservative family that would make me want to convince myself that i am straight when i am not. Plain and simple i am only sexually attracted to girls. to continue with my tangents it goes so far as i actually don't feel comfortable around most guys i am meeting. In summation BLAHHHHHHH BLAHHHHHHHHHH BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
-oren
To this note are my posts on here just as bad? Am i helping getting things of of my mind or am i just begging for approval? I love hating people but i also love to be wanted; quite a difficult dichotomy if you ask me (or rather if i ask me, but that makes me sound more psychotic than usual). In a way that makes this semi-new form of media the perfect tool for me. I can whine and bitch when i feel like it, and get some sort of consolation from people that i am not friends with on a day to day basis. Would it be better for me in the long run to befriend the people that bore the living shit out of me here in Pomona so i can a more "personal" relationship with the people i am using as my ad hoc psychologist? I like to justify it being an acceptable outlet for my thoughts because unlike a twitter or status update i am not forcing it down everyone's throat, you can choose to click on my blog and read it if you wish and if you don't want to here me moan you can just move on. I realize that the last two paragraphs have been full of rather rhetorical questions, but feel free to answer and or give input to any of them if you so wish.
Well now it is rime for the embarrassing and then more embarrassing thing i have been up to. I blame a combination of the Hallmark holiday known as valentines and my own ineptitude for it, but a few months ago i decided to set up a free account on eharmony (insert incredibly embarrassed bright red face here) of course once they sucker you in the door it is only a matter of time before they give you an offer for three months at a cheaper price and about a month later i was a member. Crap i feel awkward just writing this, maybe i should have listened to my own advice above and not written about my feelings. Until very recently i was kind of dating someone in Oregon, and there is kind of someone in San Francisco, but i assume i felt that if i did this i might be able to find someone in LA. Some of it is probably that i haven't had a full on "girl friend" in years. I have dated people and for short periods of time when we were in the same locations had monogamist relationships but nothing that serious. I find that the attempt of finding someone at a club/concert etc. really isn't the most practical approach and usually just ends in something that doesn't last more than a week. Back to the part about that dreaded website i was talking about. So to add insult to energy once on it i haven't actually gotten a single response from anyone. I have tried there strange little or deal of asking the first question or waiting for someone else to ask me. Haven't gotten a single response. Though i still love me it starts to bring into some question of what the fuck is wrong with me as a person? Though it is rather narcissistic of me i make the general assumption that i am not ugly and can even go on to stay i am at least some what attractive. This leads me to the next logical conclusion that there must be a problem with my personality and how i put myself forward into the world. Maybe i shouldn't care because i have managed to date some people recently and not everyone is opposed to me, but even still it is a bit disheartening. This leads me back to last weekend when i was at The Standard Hollywood at a party in the Purple Lounge. Given clubs probably not the best places to meet people but i have done it before to some success and i generally go for either finding a quieter are where i can talk to someone with out screaming in their ear or going outside and smoking where you can talk. Regardless the point of the story is the only people that showed any interest was a girl who it turned out was more trolling for her gay friend then anything else. Well that and here gay friend. Don't get me wrong i have nothing against gay guys, but it starts getting annoying as hell when you are straight and the gay guys think you are gay. What the hell am i doing wrong? I can take it as one thing when straight people think i am gay, whatever, they don't understand how i dress and i am not all about watching sports games, big deal. I on the other hand know i am not what so ever interested in men. I didn't grow up in a conservative family that would make me want to convince myself that i am straight when i am not. Plain and simple i am only sexually attracted to girls. to continue with my tangents it goes so far as i actually don't feel comfortable around most guys i am meeting. In summation BLAHHHHHHH BLAHHHHHHHHHH BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
-oren
