I suppose it is time to update my thoughts on the current state of life. Nearly 11 months have passed since I was forced back into the single life. Or, more precisely, being a single parent. I've never liked being alone in the romance sense, but in most every other sense, I am liking this for the time being. My boys have stayed with me, and make it quite clear that they will stay as long as any kid will stay at home. They spend a bit of time with their Mom, but it is obvious that they choose not to stay with her, even overnight so far. Being a couple of very level headed kids, I take that as a good thing.
There were many things that led to our separation (and impending divorce), and I am certainly as much to blame as she was/is. It is sad to see a family dissolve, but perhaps sadder to stay in a past that just does not work any longer. I am finally able to stop trying to be what someone else believes I should be and follow my own muses. Financially it is a struggle, but emotionally it is far better. I can be the artist/craftsman I believe I am, and not feel that I am shortchanging my family by not getting rich doing it. Or perhaps again for precision, shortchanging someone who equates money with happiness. We've always gotten by, better off than many, but it was never enough for her.
This has allowed me to focus on completely different values than I did with her present. For certain, I would hope to find someone else in my future to walk down these crazy roads with me. It must be someone, though, who is capable of walking beside me, neither following my lead nor trying to lead me. Someone with enough independence to see her own path, yet realize that what makes that path the best is someone to share it with. There is much to be said for independent strength, confidence and self esteem. There is also much to be said for having someone to both love and trust (2 way street there) enough to share both joys and sorrows, someone to help you when you are on a down swing, someone to help when they are on their own down swing. Especially someone to laugh with and share the joys of the good times.
While life takes its own sweet time in finding that someone, I put one foot in front of the other and keep marching along. There is much to do still to get my own life where it needs to be. Things that suffer the constant, usually joyful, interruptions of parenthood.
Life is getting better each day.
There were many things that led to our separation (and impending divorce), and I am certainly as much to blame as she was/is. It is sad to see a family dissolve, but perhaps sadder to stay in a past that just does not work any longer. I am finally able to stop trying to be what someone else believes I should be and follow my own muses. Financially it is a struggle, but emotionally it is far better. I can be the artist/craftsman I believe I am, and not feel that I am shortchanging my family by not getting rich doing it. Or perhaps again for precision, shortchanging someone who equates money with happiness. We've always gotten by, better off than many, but it was never enough for her.
This has allowed me to focus on completely different values than I did with her present. For certain, I would hope to find someone else in my future to walk down these crazy roads with me. It must be someone, though, who is capable of walking beside me, neither following my lead nor trying to lead me. Someone with enough independence to see her own path, yet realize that what makes that path the best is someone to share it with. There is much to be said for independent strength, confidence and self esteem. There is also much to be said for having someone to both love and trust (2 way street there) enough to share both joys and sorrows, someone to help you when you are on a down swing, someone to help when they are on their own down swing. Especially someone to laugh with and share the joys of the good times.
While life takes its own sweet time in finding that someone, I put one foot in front of the other and keep marching along. There is much to do still to get my own life where it needs to be. Things that suffer the constant, usually joyful, interruptions of parenthood.
Life is getting better each day.