Okay, I owe a lot of folks some comments and I fully intend on saying hello and thank you for the support because it has meant a LOT to me lately. In the meantime, I can't stand to see my journal so depressing. I've got a great outlook right now and I'm going to focus on the screenplay and moving forward.
No more wallowing. Time to focus, smile, and let the sun shine in. I forget how easy it is when you ask for help and allow the help to find you. The universe works in mysterious ways and if we just relax and let go it's amazing how much joy can find it's way to us.
Mondays aren't usually my favorite but I'm feeling incrediby auspicious today and can only hope for the best for me and all that I care about. Including all of you, my friends.
2009 has the promise to be a year we will all remember and memorialize as a transformational and inspirational year and I for one am ready to embrace it!
No more wallowing. Time to focus, smile, and let the sun shine in. I forget how easy it is when you ask for help and allow the help to find you. The universe works in mysterious ways and if we just relax and let go it's amazing how much joy can find it's way to us.
Mondays aren't usually my favorite but I'm feeling incrediby auspicious today and can only hope for the best for me and all that I care about. Including all of you, my friends.
2009 has the promise to be a year we will all remember and memorialize as a transformational and inspirational year and I for one am ready to embrace it!
I've been away and dealing with real life shit and just came back to find out a great friend had passed. It just seems so unfair. My husband had some sort of stroke or something (they aren't sure yet) and was in the hospital all day New Years Eve and then I find out SocietysPliers was found dead.
Life is some sort of cruel joke. My health is already fucked, I can't function mentally, and I offer nothing to society or those I love and yet I am still here and they fall. WHY??? They have people that rely on them and yet my pathetic existence plods along for the moment?
I just don't get it.
I'm sad to see a friend go. I'm scared of what will be the fate of my family. I just don't see this as being a good year and I have a feeling that there will be much more shit to follow and I doubt I can deal with it at this point.
Life is some sort of cruel joke. My health is already fucked, I can't function mentally, and I offer nothing to society or those I love and yet I am still here and they fall. WHY??? They have people that rely on them and yet my pathetic existence plods along for the moment?
I just don't get it.
I'm sad to see a friend go. I'm scared of what will be the fate of my family. I just don't see this as being a good year and I have a feeling that there will be much more shit to follow and I doubt I can deal with it at this point.
Okay so it's officially 13 hours and counting till my next Dr. appt. and I'm feeling really good about it. I've got labs... as always... but I'm going to talk about the neurological shit going on and I might be able to sleep sometime soon. Why does shit hurt more at night? WTF???
So, at the moment I have either numbness or extreme pain in my lower body below my navel. A bit more on my left lower abdomen... not sure what that's about. But I think addressing it finally is going to be good. It's just hard when I'm already going through active treatment for Celiac Disease and Liver Disease.
How the fuck did I get so messed up? I'll tell you. I treat my body like shit. I had predisposed conditions that were hereditary however I fucked around for far too many years thinking I was invincible. Match that with an incredibly high pain threshold and a stubborn indifference towards medical treatment... well here I am.
This year has been rather fucked but I'm feeling positive. I look forward to tomorrow and I am going forward with the assumption that I'll have a treatment plan within the next month if not more diagnostics. I'm not going to have months of sleepless nights and try to be "strong" any longer since that was a load of shit. I was an idiot.
So if you're over the age of 18 and there is something wrong. SEE A DOCTOR!!! I have been hospitalized before because I kept thinking I had it under control! So don't be a Sarah and just deal with your shit like an adult!!!!
So, at the moment I have either numbness or extreme pain in my lower body below my navel. A bit more on my left lower abdomen... not sure what that's about. But I think addressing it finally is going to be good. It's just hard when I'm already going through active treatment for Celiac Disease and Liver Disease.
How the fuck did I get so messed up? I'll tell you. I treat my body like shit. I had predisposed conditions that were hereditary however I fucked around for far too many years thinking I was invincible. Match that with an incredibly high pain threshold and a stubborn indifference towards medical treatment... well here I am.
This year has been rather fucked but I'm feeling positive. I look forward to tomorrow and I am going forward with the assumption that I'll have a treatment plan within the next month if not more diagnostics. I'm not going to have months of sleepless nights and try to be "strong" any longer since that was a load of shit. I was an idiot.
So if you're over the age of 18 and there is something wrong. SEE A DOCTOR!!! I have been hospitalized before because I kept thinking I had it under control! So don't be a Sarah and just deal with your shit like an adult!!!!
Time for a cheerier blog. I am numb but that's better than the alternative right?
In other news, I'm now totally obsessed with this lady
Kristin Chenoweth
In other news, I'm now totally obsessed with this lady
Kristin Chenoweth
I have three doctors and constant physical pain as well as severe bipolar disorder. I thought I could be here and participate but right now I can't even get out of bed. I'm sorry for anyone I'm disappointing or annoying but it is what it is right now.
So I''m done with the gloomy journal. I'm fucked up but I'll live.
I just want to smile.
I just want to smile.
I'm camping out in the living room in front of the fire with my six year old daughter right now. In the morning I get to have an ultrasound to look at my liver and pancreas. Fun times. I decided to push the biopsy to January because I don't want to pay an extra $500 if I don't have to.
I let Ava sleep down here with me since she was wanting to go to my appointment with me. She wanted to go to the biopsy but I told her that couldn't happen because I would be asleep and I didn't think they would allow it. How funny! She's just like her mama...
So I'm not sure what I expect tomorrow but I'll just go with the flow.
OH... and I thought I was going fucking nuts because we were missing the school bus. Apparently they changed their schedule and bumped it up by ten minutes. Fucking awesome! I'm not a complete failure, I just didn't get the note because Ava was sick the day they passed it out!
I let Ava sleep down here with me since she was wanting to go to my appointment with me. She wanted to go to the biopsy but I told her that couldn't happen because I would be asleep and I didn't think they would allow it. How funny! She's just like her mama...
So I'm not sure what I expect tomorrow but I'll just go with the flow.
OH... and I thought I was going fucking nuts because we were missing the school bus. Apparently they changed their schedule and bumped it up by ten minutes. Fucking awesome! I'm not a complete failure, I just didn't get the note because Ava was sick the day they passed it out!
This movie is surprisingly entertaining. Either that or I have let my standards get surprisingly low.
