I really don't keep up with this thing enough >.<

Life is life, it lets you think things are going to be great then it kicks you in the dick and spits on you when you go down I keep trying to find the answer to when this is going to get better, but I'm having such a hard time seeing it >.>

I'm going to the field for two weeks starting next weekend, which is a good thing I like having nothing to do but work. I can't handle home life sometimes, I don't know where I stand with the army right now, I'm either gonna be ok, getting kicked out, or being forced to pick a different job and start all over for my next three years <.<

I also can't tell whether I'd rather get kicked out or stay in, sometimes I just feel like I need to be free and wandering around til I die, I feel so trapped and alone out here...at the very least I could be allowed to go free and drink myself to death instead of having to put up with so much stupid shit when I already have the world on my shoulders

Le sigh, I'm not one to pretend I know what the word "quit" means so I guess I'll just keep on kicking ass and taking no one's name til they make up their damn minds on how they want to treat me. I refuse to let people down and not live up to everything that I can xD

One day I'll figure out what to do with myself and what the fuck I'm supposed to be doing with my life to find happiness again....

Back again and things have gotten even more fun and interesting since last time. We've (love pikk) actually been talking a lot since last weekend, and are really hitting it off. Which is great, it really is, but damn does it suck having to be stationed on opposite coasts She's totally thrown a wrench into my plans on things out here, I've gotten all distracted and started considering going home again much sooner than I had planned to >.< but I'm enjoying it right now, I'm just totally smitten with her right now xD I don't know I hate being sappy, but she really makes me want to do better with my life so I could feel like I deserve someone like her (she's 31, absolutely gorgeous, owns her own home, rescues animals, is just a major inspiration for how much you can do if you work hard enough) I'll stop being the hopeless romantic I thought I'd never be again and let you get back to you're regularly scheduled drunken debauchery and hilarious antics I'm usually known for xD

I'm starting to wonder if my life is secretly a soap opera >.> and I don't like it...So to update on things covered in the last two blogs (mostly just the first though) unexpectedly I hear from the bartender last night, I don't know what got into her, but she was definitely showing a lot more interest in texting me, and even called me twice, and between the two calls we spent a good two hours on the phone, during which she was very adamant about how much she wished I was home so we could hang out, and when am I gonna live closer. She also less than subtly mentioned how she is very confident in her ability to hold a long distance relationship, or how she hasn't dated anyone in two years, but is reconsidering choosing not to date anyone cause of me. I almost felt interrogated at one point, I think she really wanted to learn a lot about me and get to know me or something, she kept asking me a lot about what I do and my life. So leave it up to my life to find someone like this, but be stuck living 3,000 miles away from her for up to 4 more years...le sigh, the saga continues, but I can't say this isn't still a significant improvement over where things were for the past year. So I'm enjoying this upturn in my life right now. Try to let me grammatical errors slip by, I'm a little hungover and running off 8 hours of sleep since the weekend started xD

For anyone that read my last blog this is just an update:

Tonight I was "fortunate" enough to confirm what I had believed to be true before. That is that my wife was cheating on my for a while and what I hadn't expected was when I realized how long it had been going on...I was truly surprised as to how much it could still affect me. When I got the news I was literally shaking and almost lost control, but thankfully I have some of the best friends I could ask for and they talked to me and comforted me til I felt better xD I hope no one else ever has to go through what I'm dealing with right now.

Not much for posting blogs apparently >.> I've had an account here for probly 5+ years and only ever posted one blog on a different account >.< but here goes...

I'd like to start out saying how much I love this website and all the people that are involved in it, makes me feel like the kind of people I thought were few and far between are actually all over the world

Just got back to washington (where I'm stationed in the army) from taking three weeks of leave to see friends and family over the holidays (in philly that is). Which was amazing btw, I had so much fun and it really reminded me of what I'm doing out here, but it was also a bit frustrating

First, my ex who I'd really like just to be friends with again pretty much ignored me and blew me off the whole time, unless she wanted something of course. We were together for 8 years before she up and decided she wasn't happy being an army wife and wanted to go home and do her own thing (which was largely in part to a "best friend" of hers that she spends all her time with and none of her old friends, much to the dismay of his g/f who is largely convinced they're fooling around) I've gotten over the whole her not wanting to be together thing, or even possibly being with someone else, even before she left me, I just don't want to lose her from my life <.<

Second, I must have the worst luck with women. That or you all just love tormenting me, I bet I squirm good xD I took a friend out to dinner who I kinda liked, but I knew she had too much going on to try for anything more, especially long distance, so I just enjoyed her company. Of course even having the intention of just going to a dinner as friends didn't help keep from driving me crazy about her, but alas I got over it and cooled myself.

Then out of the blue (and I mean this has never happened to me before) I was having a few drinks at my new favorite bar back home when one of the last few nights I was going to be home the really attractive and super cool bartender gives me her number. So I'm just like wow, that's awesome, but of course I try texting her and she shows little to no interest which is fine I wasn't expecting her to, just thought it was worth a try, but when I come back in the next night she's jumping up and down screaming about me coming in and rushes over to give me a big hug, and is giving me drinks as a going away present. When I go to leave for the night she runs over again to give me a big hug, but this time kisses me on the cheek too but again when I try to text her the next day she just doesn't reply much or seem too interested in me....I don't know what to do about it, again she's back home and I'm on the other side of the country, but I'd really like to get to know her better so I might have a better chance at catching her eye the next time I'm home.

So today has turned into a loud music ( all that remains, five finger death punch, dry kill logic, parkway drive, diecast, trivium, 36 crazyfists, haste the day etc. etc.) and play call of duty kind of day trying to keep myself distracted from how badly a pretty girl can fuck my head up so fast >.< Also feeling like looking a little fancy since I only get to wear my piercings for two more days before I go back to work and have to shave, so it's pimp hat time ;D