I'm dragging. I hate being in any circumstance in life where you are having to pull yourself out of a seemingly feep hole that you can't climb from. The one thing that rings true is that walking away from the situation and giving up has never been an option for me. I put myself in this mess... destroyed someone's trust in me, and now (with the thought of my emotions and feelings for this person in mind) I have to create a solution to the mess I created. Would walking away be easier? Most likely. If I chose that road then I would have to live each and every day with an emptiness that I am not willing to accept. A hole wuold be created in me soul, and filling that hole would not be possible. Wandering thruogh life without a person who seems to complete me in so many ways is too high of a price to pay. To get up and face everyday without the possibility of seeing this person would be something I could not really stand to bare. Haiving to wonder what if... what could have been... was that really who fate had in store for me? Those are questions I can not leave unanswered.
So all in all, would walking away really be easier? Looking at it now... not in the slightest.
So all in all, would walking away really be easier? Looking at it now... not in the slightest.
It is scary how close you can come to having it all, I mean what you profess to need and want to have happiness, and by your own actions do something so stupid... so insanely ridiculous, you almost lose what is so very important to you. It causes you to do A LOT of soul searching. It causes you to find solutions so that you may hold on to exactly what is so important to you.
I, unfortunately, am in that spot right now. I have spent a life time keeping others at arms distance, making sure I couldn't be emotionally hurt. Creating a safe bubble, insulated with close, close friends, and not allowing anyone to breach that comfort. Then, fate allows a totally incredible woman to enter my life. The kind of person who has had the ability to show me that the "cliche'" saying of "soul mates" isn't cliche' at all, but very much a reality. And what do I do with that opportunity? Just about destroy it all.
So now, its time to take responsibility, find solutions to issues, and piece together what I feel in my heart is meant to be. Will it be easy? Undoubtedly, "NO." Will it be worth it? A resounding, "YES!!!!!!"
I fully believe that the "right" thing only comes along once... if you're lucky. Finding a way to accept the fact that I was fortunate enough to have found that, AND the fact that I could have totally fucked it up out of my own stupidity is a tough pill to swallow. Will I be fortunate enough to have the other party involved give me the opportunity to mend the damage I have done? Will I be lucky enough to be able to grab ahold of the chance to experience true happiness and never let it go, holding on tight to it as if nothing can tear it away from me. Will I be able to prove I can nurture a true relationship in the way that it is deserved? I can only close my eyes, and pray that I have one more chance to piece all of this back together. I can only pray that the love I have shown to this point, despite my stupid decisions in other areas, was true and pure enough to shine through the bullshit.
And in a time of the year that everyone thinks about things they are thankful for, I can say I am truly thankful for others who are patient, understanding, and want to give me that chance so that the rare, very true form of happiness may be allowed to be found.
I, unfortunately, am in that spot right now. I have spent a life time keeping others at arms distance, making sure I couldn't be emotionally hurt. Creating a safe bubble, insulated with close, close friends, and not allowing anyone to breach that comfort. Then, fate allows a totally incredible woman to enter my life. The kind of person who has had the ability to show me that the "cliche'" saying of "soul mates" isn't cliche' at all, but very much a reality. And what do I do with that opportunity? Just about destroy it all.
So now, its time to take responsibility, find solutions to issues, and piece together what I feel in my heart is meant to be. Will it be easy? Undoubtedly, "NO." Will it be worth it? A resounding, "YES!!!!!!"
I fully believe that the "right" thing only comes along once... if you're lucky. Finding a way to accept the fact that I was fortunate enough to have found that, AND the fact that I could have totally fucked it up out of my own stupidity is a tough pill to swallow. Will I be fortunate enough to have the other party involved give me the opportunity to mend the damage I have done? Will I be lucky enough to be able to grab ahold of the chance to experience true happiness and never let it go, holding on tight to it as if nothing can tear it away from me. Will I be able to prove I can nurture a true relationship in the way that it is deserved? I can only close my eyes, and pray that I have one more chance to piece all of this back together. I can only pray that the love I have shown to this point, despite my stupid decisions in other areas, was true and pure enough to shine through the bullshit.
And in a time of the year that everyone thinks about things they are thankful for, I can say I am truly thankful for others who are patient, understanding, and want to give me that chance so that the rare, very true form of happiness may be allowed to be found.
Its funny how you can run across people who have the ability to change your mind about just that... people in general. I think looking back over the past few months, maybe the past year, I have insulated myself from "outsiders," & concentrated on ONLY being around those who I am close to and trust (which is a pretty small group of people), for the most part. I think in the big scheme of things I had kind of given up on people, and their ability to be good and honest. It seems like that when I have been at that point in my life in the past I always end up having someone cross my path that gives me hope that there really are good people left in the world. Hopefully the person who totally changed my mind about people, and who has treated me nicer (is that a word?) than anyone has in a LONG time will see this and know I'm referring to her.... miss ya!
So life keeps ticking... almost like a bomb. Myfriend is home to Denver, but is staying at the family friend's who is a Denver cop. She is not doing well, holed up in a bedroom and sleeping like 23 hours a day. She won't talk to anyone excpet me,and seems adamnet on not doing anyting other that sleeping. All the ourwardly signs point to her experiencing something horrible while being abducted, and not sure how someone gets past something like that on their own. It concerns me. she is a very good person, who has seen an INCREDIBLE amount of pain in her life just since the begiining of the year. Its so hard tocome up with the words to say to provide comfort for her in this situation. Its one of those situations where you wish you had a time machine and could go back in time, knowing then what you know now, so I could stop all this before it happened to her. I feel so bad I asked her up to diner that night. I feel bad I was so distrusting that I thought she stood me up, and everything was a ha\oax, I just feel guilty about a lot in this. I hope things start to look up. I know this is an INCREDIBLE amount of shit to transpire as two people just barey start to see each other, and I am one to totally bolt from drama, so this is a a bit overwhelming for me. the starange thing there is something about this chick that makes me feel like getting through all this. I don't know they. Itskind of hard to jet on someone in the middle of them experiecing so much ya know?
So I have my little gilr this weekend.... and I totaly LOVE spending time with her. She is a BUSY 2-yr old, and it makes for times tha I know will be great memories. She is absolutely fascinated with tattoos and crazy hair. Her mother used to have a totally sexy, very SG look... pink streaks in the hair, has some nice ink done, but has since acquired a BF who doesn't approve of such things (actualy says that people w/ tattoos are "white trash") so she has moved to a more Abercromibe / AE look. My little girl onthe other had has it in her blood.. she LOVES the alternative look, and anyone who has it. She is obsesse with Monroe piercings, gets PISSED when her temp tattos wear off, and wants color in her hair so bad she can't stand it. This weekend we started a temp sleeve for her. She loves rockin' it and its kind of funny to watch peoples' reaction at Wal-mart or when we are out doing errands. There ia small chance she may be able to meet one of the actual SGs in the near future, and I think its cool that the SG would take the time to d that, and probably has no idea how jazzed my little one would be. Here's a pic of the beginning of her sleeve..
... and NO idea what this pose is about...
So that's my little CLOTHED SG... hey I'm still a Dad, and she will always be my little Princess... not that there is ANYTHING wrong with you girls posing nude. All the pics here are tastefully done and very beautiful.
LaTE!!!!!!!!!!
So I have my little gilr this weekend.... and I totaly LOVE spending time with her. She is a BUSY 2-yr old, and it makes for times tha I know will be great memories. She is absolutely fascinated with tattoos and crazy hair. Her mother used to have a totally sexy, very SG look... pink streaks in the hair, has some nice ink done, but has since acquired a BF who doesn't approve of such things (actualy says that people w/ tattoos are "white trash") so she has moved to a more Abercromibe / AE look. My little girl onthe other had has it in her blood.. she LOVES the alternative look, and anyone who has it. She is obsesse with Monroe piercings, gets PISSED when her temp tattos wear off, and wants color in her hair so bad she can't stand it. This weekend we started a temp sleeve for her. She loves rockin' it and its kind of funny to watch peoples' reaction at Wal-mart or when we are out doing errands. There ia small chance she may be able to meet one of the actual SGs in the near future, and I think its cool that the SG would take the time to d that, and probably has no idea how jazzed my little one would be. Here's a pic of the beginning of her sleeve..
... and NO idea what this pose is about...
So that's my little CLOTHED SG... hey I'm still a Dad, and she will always be my little Princess... not that there is ANYTHING wrong with you girls posing nude. All the pics here are tastefully done and very beautiful.
LaTE!!!!!!!!!!
