so, today i put on makeup cuz i took the weekend off from that. annnd, decided to practice some faces. for whenever i get around to photo shoot. tell me if they're cheezy. i thought i did a prettty good first round.

So, here i am stranded at my on-again-off again's house. in his bed naked. he went to work. we are still off, but last night... WHOOOO the heAT was ONNNNN! Why is it, every time i tell him i'm not in love with him, we end up having hot steamy sex? Maybe he's trying to use sex to manipulate me. Whatever the reason, i GLADLY accept his body. Best i've ever had. there's something soo right there, when every time we have sex .... ugh my explanations wont even do it justice. as soon as he's inside me i lose my breath. i think "THIS is all i need." it's like our bodies are meant to be together, and our souls are connected and dancing together above us. My flesh is torn apart and i'm levitating. No such thing as gravity. He pours his entire being into me, heart, soul, mind, body, every feeling he's ever had... and i get soooooo fucking high from it that i see the Northern Lights. Every time i orgasm its like i'm being re-born. or held under water and rocketed out, traveling from the depths of the ocean to outer space. Then i'm a feather, floating around.. carefree.. even though i'm in the dark, i can feel the sun touching every inch of my skin. i'm in complete E C S T A S Y.

why has this only happened with him? i've been with plenty of other guys and never had an experience quite like this. There have been good times, yeah, but still nothing to compare. It confuses me, because if we are THAT compatible sexually, how can we not be mentally??

taking a break from packing... eeeek! I'm moving (just across the highway in my tiny little town) UPGRADING APPARTMENTS! i'm sooo excited. Hopefully i'll be able to pay all my bills!! Anyway, i keep getting great ideas for a set but still don't have a photographer! i'm writing the stuff down. so, the new place has stained concrete inthe living room which i'm WAy excited about... because there's plenty of room to erect the pole, and the hard floor is sooo much easier to dance on than carpet!! if i could just figure out some lighting....
Also i wont have to flip my baby's bed up against the wall in order to make room for dancing! That should make things more convenient! Looking forward to that, gotta get my dancing exercise in so i can tighten up b4 i get around to doin a set!! yaaaaayyy!!!! everythings goin so great!

it's almost one a.m. , goodbye birthday! Just got stumped on filling out my taxes because, WHY??, I CANT FIND MY EFFING ID!! oh wow. its not that i'm missing paperwork. its something as simple as i need my drivers license number and expiration date. also, i got my denial email from SG today. "we cannot use you on the site at this time", and that made me kinda sad, but i will try again once i get a pro photo shoot done. which will be when it warms up. so today was just like any other day, when nothing goes the way i want it to and i cant be a responsible citizen cuz i loose shit all the time. BUT on the flip side, i DID go play blackjack today with my friends money and came out on top and lookin gr8.. but THAT is all to make up for me not working this week! so... in the end... its just a normal average day. i wish something spectacular would happen . oh and i also just tried to break up with my boyfriend, but decided i'll take the ease out of it slowly approach. i wish i could drink tonite. or this weekend. but i'm 113 days sober AND COUNTING!

wow, been a relaxed few days! Got snowed in, but didnt feel like getting out and playing. So i watched movies and played Scattergories! Anyways, made a contact on Sunday... me and my networking My tattoo artist's "old lady" knows someone who has photographed for some SG girls (or hopefuls) and she's gonna hook me up with him for my review set!! .. coming soon.. in the spring! I'm so frickin excited. So i filled out my application today to be a Suicide Girl! yaaay! My mama would be so proud! (not.)
But that's why i love this site. there are no judgments here. And no cookie cutter mold to define what beauty is. No boundaries, no one trying to get me to "stuff" my sexuality or personality! Thank You SG!!
Thinkin about gettin the logo as my next tatt..... hmmmmm

I'm loving all the pics on here.. itchn to do a set! I have a semi-trained friend who said she'd do one for me, but i'm wondering if i should "go big or go home". the pics i have up now i took myself, so i guess no one would hate if i put up a LITTLE better quality.
So, i haven't figured out the site yet. i probably spend like 30 min a day on here. It seems kinda like something in between facebook and youtube, with no boundaries. Like, if you've ever wanted to do scandalous modeling but don't fit into the Playboy stereotype.. come here?? Well, whatever it is, i LOVE this site. I have a need to be admired. I need somewhere to post my pics that are "unacceptable" on fbook. and i have a need to TAKE those sorts of pictures, because it's art. self expression. and emPOWERing! ..reminds me i still look good naked, and that's important after having a baby. if i have the hott pics, i dont even HAVE to wear sexy underwear every day! (u know how wearing sexy underwear can give you a confidence boost, even if no one knows you're wearing it..) I just wish this wasn't all so controversial. I hate being hidden and not having the freedom to share the real me with EVRY1.

Hi Girls!! I was recently told about this site from my tattoo artist, and i think its incredible! Been lookin for a place to post my pics/ videos where people won't judge me. It's art!! I have a facebook but the people i know expect to see a certain "face". I am learning to express myself, and the sky is the effing limit!! I'm so sick of hearing "that's innapropriate". Thank you for the space and freedom to do this, even tho it feels like a secret society.. since i can't tell many ppl i'm on here! Hope to meet some of my fellow free spirits!!