I'm really not very good at blogging. As I said in my first post it's somewhat of a character flaw of mine, it's not even like I've had nothing to write about for a change.

Okay so last weekend there was an 80s rock themed party (I went as a roadie, if I can find some pics I'll put them up here), which was probably the best party I've been to in a very long time, people were happy, there was catching up, good conversations, and general all round fun. I got really quite horrendously drunk but stayed sensible enough to get a taxi home and fall asleep fully clothed (still dressed as a roadie) on my bed. Where I spent the rest of the next day recovering.

The weekend just gone was spent getting ready for my trip to Seattle (catching up on work making sure I had everything), although I was out until the early hours of Saturday morning with some of the usual suspects. It seemed like a good idea to go to a park and play with a light up frisby in the dead of night, we saw some great shooting stars and sat around chatting, it was a good night and was just great to catch up really.

Right now half my friends seem in relationship bliss and the other half are in some sort of unrequited love hell, it's a bit bizarre. They'll muddle through, or I hope they will.

I leave for Seattle Wednesday, and am really looking forward to it, can't wait.

Feeling pretty good so far this week, although this will all change come saturday when the punishment from tonights martial arts class kicks in. It was entirely non-contact as usual (none of us have the control not to hurt one another yet I imagine), but the exercises and positions were punishing. It was easily the most gruelling class I've experienced in the two years I've been going. Last Saturday I couldn't lift either of my feet more than a foot of the ground because of the pain. It's going to be horrible.

I still love it though, just have to keep at it.

Last Friday night was spent having a curry and visiting pubs then back to a friends. It was a really nice night lots of fun. It did get a little weird at the end though, there is a girl there that the host had slept with a few times previously (all one nighters), and each time regretted it for a variety of reasons (the day after one of their trysts she went into a psychiatric hospital for several months).

Anyway she comes out to the balcony only to ask us to leave because he's said he'll sleep with her again, she then proceeds to go around to each of the other groups and asks them to hurry along too. I think he wanted it kept under wraps but that was kind of shot to pieces. They are the second set of my friends to hook up in a matter of weeks, is there something in the air I'm missing? I'm not sure how serious any of them are though, we'll just see how it goes.

I'm getting more exited about September's PAX trip to Seattle it's going to be geeky as hell which makes it pretty much perfect for me. I will not be having any fun for months afterwards though, fun will be too expensive.

Moving swiftly on, today is turning out okay two deadlines roughly hit, and back to re-writing some of the web pages I am responsible for.

I overspent at the weekend, books, a new fountain pen, new german para boots (I'm telling myself that they are a good find, they don't appear that often). They are all arriving during the week making it slightly more fun to come to work.

Back to dieting and hard work again though, I've taken it too easy the last couple of weeks. Kick things off with an hour of squash and swimming tonight.

Ah it's Sunday and I'm quite drunk, means you'll get more out of me than normal. Welcome to my being less shady as someone in my past used to call me.

I've been coping a little while with a real libido problem, it's normally high, but rarely has it been as bad of late. I've always tried to accept it as just part and parcel of being a geek something to put up with over the years. And it's been fine so far the usual pottering along stupid innuendo trying to divert it and not upset anyone, but that doesn't stop it being a huge pain in the arse.

The real problem comes afterwards, the frustration always passes but the resulting loneliness takes a chunk out of you every time. That's not how it is right now, but it'll be here soon enough, I know my moods well enough for that. Save sympathy or comiseration for then.

Hmm what more can I give you before reason gets the better of me?

This returns to a single fact, I used to be a compulsive liar. It's kind of like getting that "I'm an alcoholic" out of the way (I'm not an alcoholic, you've just caught me at a bad moment), I'm not a compulsive liar any more (and any more recovering compulsive liars out there I would love to talk to you about it), I was lucky and caught myself early, part of being very self controlling I would suppose. I started early in my teens and as with most of this persuasion was very very good, I probably could be again, but honesty has stood me in better stead for 13 years, and I can see no reason to restart.

Oh I still lie on occasion, it's one of those social necessities, but I would say I lie less than most people, even sober you can get some truly horrible information out of me without my batting an eyelid, you don't know TMI until you've asked a recovering compulsive liar some personal questions.

Lying compulsivly is about control, and in my limited experience seems to be a pridominantly male disorder, most females indulge it a different way as part of a borderline personality disorder. That's based on the people I've met, not on any statistics, this isn't something I've studied (although I may have passed psychology if that had actually been the case), it's just something I've been through.

Lying sucessfully feels good, it's a huge adrenaline and confidence boost. It satisfies the controller, the manipulator in you, but as with all these things it doesn't have a future in adult life (although many drag it out). Some people do try to drag it out and many are successful, after all practice makes perfect and who's had more practice than a compulsive? They just have to hope that they don't run into those of us that are recovering, we (or I) can spot them off a mile away, even if they are borderline.

Would you want to get involved with a recovering compulsive liar? Well that's a tricky one, they will be more honest than anyone else you've ever met simply because they know the cost of a lie, but we're a weird bunch, control freaks the lot of us. If you want a partner that will play you like a violin then you're onto a winner, but if you're a control freak too, we're not for you.

Any questions ask now while I'm still compromised, otherwise forever hold your peace. Or at least until the next time this happens.

All above is void based on my alcohol limit.