It's Tuesday,
And the sun always shines on Tuesday,
The rain never stings,
The kisses taste like honey,
The beer flows like water,
And the moon's always full.

It's Tuesday,
And it's never been so dark,
The sun's a lurking,
The clouds are rolling,
The days too short,
The night's wont end,
And I can't hear my voice any more.

It's Tuesday,
And I'm deaf.

You know, sometimes I wonder how lame I sound. I mean, I'm posting this mostly because I want to air thoughts and ideas. Not to anyone in specific, but just in general. Maybe I'd be better off taking those thoughts out to the forest and chatting with a tree. Probably, I don't really know the answers. But then again, the thoughts get born here, why not talk to these cyber trees? Maybe even someone will here them, ya know? That sounds pretty lame in and of itself; I'm not some monster shouter with no friends and no one to hear me talk, but here seems so much more, I don't know, accepting? Maybe it's just because we all share a small bond, be it an interest in body mods or just an appreciation of women who happen to have them, that I don't know. I seem to read about so many interesting people; their lives, their thoughts, sometimes even deep secrets I should never be privvy to, but always there is something interesting here. I dunno, just being random to the silences. Good night SG land, cya again tomorrow.

Well now, how long have I been gone? I guess it's been two and a half years, but it sure feels like more. At first I was a little unsure of what to say in this new phase of my membership, but then I thought I could say anything. I mean, being on this site, reading the blogs, seeing the faces of the people who live here, it's like walking into a coffee shop where the only lame thing to do is sit in the corner with your hand down your pants. So here I am, at the counter, ordering a double expresso and just wishing that there was some way this could be a real coffee shop, right around the corner from my apartment. That way I'd never want for something interesting to hear, see, or just bask in. I love all you crazy cats and kittens, and I am so glad to be back

Well, this is it for me - last day on the site. Hope no one misses me. I'll miss all of you, and, who knows I may come back some day... the way things are going probably. So... much love to any and all who read this. Hope you all have fun!

Gaah! So long since my last update - hell, so long since I was last on. Things suck right now - not at work (I'm here on Sunday and it doesn't suck???? But home is like at the worst it's ever been. I'm so confused about everything - and I just don't know why I think you care - prolly this is more an exercise in venting than a cry for help - anyone who reads it tho, thanks and I'm sorry... I think it must just be the whole "At work on a Sunday" thing... although why I put that in quotes is a mystery...

"When I awoke the dire wolf 600 pounds of sin... was staring at my window all I said was come on in...
DON'T MURDER ME!
I beg of you don't murder me!!!!
Pleeeeeaaaaaase don't murder me!"

A little Greatful Dead for dat ass!

Latahs!!!!

So... here we are, closing another year in the life of (insert name here) and what a year it has been. I may be a lil premature, but I'm just rooting for the end of 2003. I'm feeling some holiday blues right now... hope I don't bring anyone down. Wish I had more time and more space to write junk in here but I'm at work and testing the boundaries as it is. Hope everyone else gets some extra holiday spirit and all they want from Santa...
(Jeez! I sound inane today!)

Happy Holidays

I'm not feeling whole.
My head is spining,
I misspell words cause its hard
to type with clenched fists.
I'm driving my head with my foot
all the way to the floor
and
I
Keep
Losing
Track of which trick I'm trying next.
I'm screaming in alleys
Where the only acknowledgement is
one fat plummer screaming back
and throwing an old shoe,
Just as impotent as me.

I'm watching the dust blow in the wind -
Golden flakes of sand and dirt, swirling in my mind,
Making me spin with them.
Which way do I turn? Which choices?
As the wind pulls at my clothes and tosses my poor excuse for a mind
This way and that - against my will...
Against the wind...

I just had me a heart atack - not a real one, but one of those where you think, "Oh my God!" - yeah... one of those. It's kind of depressing too, I spend my whole frickin' life watching where I put my step, and, just because of my gender, I spend the rest of it wondering if maybe I didn't step carefully enough. It's like, where is the end of the paranoid "was it me?" stream of consciousness? Am I neurotic just because I fear I might one day grow into my manliness and start being the thing I fear most, or am I just being considerate. Sometimes I think I should change my screen name to fragile... it describes my psyche all to well...

Sometimes the sea is rising,
Slopping up over the sand,
Then the sidewalks,
Then lapping at the steps of my sanity,
Seaking to draw me under...
I feel the call of the salt,
Salty water to salty blood -
Trying to meet without the (me)at in the middle.
My voice is text based messaging,
Indelibly silent and truncated
And the sea is calling me
Coaxing me down to ink.